gay, male, hiv+

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solitudeinarian,
well i think what I've taken away from the past few weeks of being alone, is that i need to work on both ends of the problem, on the one side i need to be a better island ( with my dog) and on the other end i need to be better with socializing, i like the two are both a bit off and are feeding into each others problems.

i like being alone oct of the tim working away and reading an making my painting and films, that is true.
but i shouldn't be alone when I'm un happy and lonely so i need to take action ahead of time and start a new pattern where my solitude is something wonderful and productive.

sometimes i like being around others, but i like it when there is at least some amount of communication, i need my voice to be heard, so for me what i excel at is paintings and visual arts, so thats where i should focus my time when being social, that way there is something at hand ,, which i am good at.


i have been sensing that i need to cast away old patterns which lead to painful isolation , and really embrace the best of what it (?) offers.


truth is that i was in a very bad relationship for 11 years which really messed me up, and i need to regain my old child ways.

I feel for you, dude. Seriously. It's so f****d up that you knew you should be taking that post prophylactic drug asap & $ prevented you from getting it, resulting in this - which costs more money.. nucking futs. But I get it.. drug companies won't give their drugs for free, especially not since they can bill an insurance company/the Province monthly for life for a dose for you. It's so absolutely absurd what we let money dictate in our society.

As for socializing, I say you shouldn't try too hard. ie don't put pressure on yourself to socialize, per say, but rather just go out and do something you're passionate about and then the right kind of people will be attracted to you and you'll hang out with some new people eventually, naturally, organically. You say you're good with visual arts, so rather than do so in solitude, take your art supplies (whether a sketchpad, easel, or ipad) out with you somewhere in public that you're comfortable.. a place that inspires you, and just do your thing. Coffee shop, public park, mountain, beach - wherever. Just go do the things you love to do and somewhere along the way you'll meet people to talk to, even if just for a moment. You might just attract someone with a mutual interest in your art medium, or your art, or even just plain old you. I see this approach as much easier than making a specific effort to "socialize," as it's so low stress and casual, and even if you do your thing all day and don't have a single word or glance of interaction with another living soul - so what? You still got to do your thing all day.

This thread reminds me of...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_8_suHp0C8[/youtube]

Their are many factors that contribute to autism and HIV like survival sex, drug use, many autistic people who are undiagnosed have drug addiction problems due to self medicating. LGBT autistic people will often find themselves on the street just for disclosing to their parents they are gay. Many people have sensory issues to condoms. Truvada, is not always a viable option as 50% of people who use the drug go crazy. Most autistic people have stomach issues truvada is brutal for some people. The gay community loves to use double entendres so what we think they mean may not be what they mean and we are vulnerable for that.