Does your gayness cover up your Aspieness?

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Very much so.

For me, neither covers the other. People usually see (or at least comment; I have no idea what they see) on me being gay first, but the social ineptitude bleeds through before long. I'm not a very queeny guy, but I also have no need to be overly masculine. I just am whatever I am. I don't camp it up, I don't prance around, because those things aren't natural for me. But I also don't watch sports or fix cars or whatever else macho guys do, because those things aren't natural for me, either. People know I'm gay if I talk about my partner, but they wonder about it before that. If I don't mention him, sometimes they ask if I'm gay, so I know they notice it. I don't know what tips them off. But when I misunderstand something they say or show a disinterest or misunderstanding of social rules, they know I'm not quite right. If I have more than a two minute conversation with a stranger, they probably will know I'm gay and 'odd.' If I really queened out, eventually I would still make the same misunderstanding or break a social rule, and people would still see me as odd, so for me, there's no use being anything than what I am already: naturally me, undistilled. That's really the best person for everyone to be (not me, but themselves in their purest form).

That's a really good attitude. So many people I know cannot say this about themselves.

All it takes is an attitude shift.

It depends a lot on context, for me. I used to identify really simply as a gay man, but now I'm starting to open up sexually and also to think of myself as more genderqueer.

When I'm around cis-het, NT people, they usually just think I'm really weird. I don't really fit in that well at most of the jobs I take, and people tell me that I don't smile or that I say weird things. If I tell them I'm gay, then some of the more ignorant ones will be like, "Oh, okay, that explains everything." Other times, people will tell me that I don't "seem" gay. That especially seems to be the case with straight girls who are looking for a stereotypical GBF.

In the queer scene, I tend to stand out as very autistic and different from a lot of the other people, but there are also other autistic queers.

Plus, most of my close friends, even the straight ones, have always been "weird." Lots of heroin addicts, people with schizophrenia, autistic people, queer people, etc. So they knew I was different, but so were they.

I'm not stereotypically gay really. I can't even fit into a group on the fringe of society . I think at first people assume I'm straight, ask about girls I like etc. I think my general asociality is what may eventually lead people to think I'm gay. I've come to realise that normals just assume that if you are "odd" (not actively flirting with girls) then you must be gay because they cannot comprehend anything else. Ironically in my case they'd be right, but for the wrong reasons...

No because I am not gay....however my lack of conforming to the female gender stereotype seems to throw some people off.

People sense my aspieness way before my sexuality. Most of the time I get "I hope to Hell you're gay because you must drive women insane with how emotionally invalidating you are."

This really resonates with me... neurodiversity takes many forms, and there's a lot of overlap between these categories - it seems perfectly natural to me that these marginalised communities/identities should find some kind of affinity with each other.

That said, i'll admit that i'm more comfortable being identified by my aspie traits than being tagged as gay, maybe because they are more central to my idea of who or what i am.

I think it's the other way around. I'm not recognized as gay unless I say so, and then most people are surprised. I don't fit the cool, sarcastic, open lesbian stereotype. I think I'm either seen as too nerdy to be interested in relationships at all, or just shy about straight relationships

I tend to appear on other people's "gay-dars" almost immediately -- I imagine peoples' thought process to be "Girl with an alternate haircut? 9/10 chance she's ____." However, I fit both the AS and gay symptoms/stereotypes almost synonymously: I obsess concentratedly... on topics including vegetarianism, construction and architecture, and feminism*; I am non-conformist to/repulsed by [hetero]sexual activities.

Scouters of the loud'n'proud LGBT*+ community are just typically quicker to identify me than fellow Aspies, is all -- Aspies are a bit more introspective and reclusive in nature.


*(Interests inapplicable to stereotypes regarding sexual orientation have been omitted for contextual irrelevance.)

Personally, I make no effort to hide either my gayness or my Aspieness because I'm a hardcore believer in just being myself. If anything, I find that my Aspieness either obscures or labels my gayness in other peoples' minds depending on the particular excuse they are seeking at any given moment. For a while I was thinking of using the Oscar Wilde quote of "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken." as my signature here. Then I realized that I might just have first seen that quote in somebody else's signature here. A quick Google site-specific search (WP search box is broken) showed that this was indeed the case (user: AspergerGamer64). At the moment, this is also the top message that I have displayed on my WiFi message display for neighbors to see (pic at bottom of message).

Anyhow, what I often find is that NTs will often interpret my Aspieness as a sign of gayness due to their insistence on comparing me with themselves. This is a topic that you will occasionally see surface on WP with a link to a more extensive discussion of it shown below. NTs are so accustomed to black and white, rigidity in thinking regarding sexuality, interpreting everything similar to themselves as being of their own sexuality and anything different from themselves as being definite signs of the opposite side of the coin. So I frequently encounter people who see my difference from themselves that results from my Aspieness and interpret it as meaning that I am of the opposite sexuality from themselves due to their flawed gay radar (and I absolutely abhor the term gaydar... it is so cheesy... I'd rather listen to fingernails on a chalkboard). Straights will label me as gay while gays will label me as straight. Gays will come on to me in indirect ways to which I can never respond and then will label me as straight when I do not respond. Straights will try to bait me and when I do not respond due to my Aspieness, they too will label me as straight. It is often used as an excuse to avoid me. If I am in need and others are not, they will say, "(it's because) he is a homosexual". If I have no need and they are prancing around in high gear, they will say, "he is a man" or "he has pu55y". If they are about to do their thing, then I can rest assured that they will say about me, "he is satisfied" or "he has pu55y" as an excuse to not have to think about me or their guilt at ignoring me while they do their thing. Then afterwards when I remain unchanged, I can rest assured that I will hear their comment of, "he wants off" or "he is a homosexual" or "he is a REAL man" as they continue to manufacture excuses to alleviate their own guilt. Gays and straights alike do this. It is totally infuriating when I am only being myself as an Aspie human being while they are unconsciously reacting to their own personal prejudices, NT prying, competition and efforts to "keep up with the Joneses". People are such fickle wimps.

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?&t=71005

I think for me the opposite is more true. I'm just so quiet due to ASD and anxiety.

I have slight streaks of gay in my personality and mannerisms, but nobody ever suspects it of me. The Aspieness, awkwardness, twitchiness, etc. completely dominates any of that.

Nope. I don't really have any "gayness" for people to notice. Everyone assumes I'm straight unless I tell them otherwise. I had a coworker tell me the other night that after working with me for the first 4 months and then having another coworker tell her I'm gay she couldn't believe it and her reaction was "..are you sure we're talking about the same person?" lol

Also, since learning how to treat AS symptoms, people don't really see me as socially awkward or anxious, either. In fact, over the last several weeks of planning & promoting a pride party this coming Wednesday as a fundraiser for a youth homeless shelter I've had many people tell me I'm "obviously very social" and even more tell me "you should be in sales!"

I guess people perceive me as pretty relaxed and social when I walk around naked on a nude beach inviting people to a charity fundraiser. Heh. As for sales, I've done sales work before.. but with the way I am now with minimal AS symptoms I can do it better than ever and will eventually transition into more of a sales career with my long term business plans.

It's cool that you've minimized your symptoms. Too bad I got an infection that made my symptoms worse.

This infection mainly affected my sensory issues. Sensory issues make people hard to deal with, so I have to tune them out. Tuning people out makes me miss social cues.

I can minimize some symptoms by taking lion's mane. It makes my focus better and it helps me pick up social cues. Wish I could have minimal symptoms like you do.