I don't understand my gender...

Post Reply New Topic

There is no such thing as "merely a woman."

I didn't mean it that way---and you know it!

I meant....that one shouldn't confine one's self to one's "gender" as determined by societal strictures.

If I confined myself to male stereotypical notions, I would be a "mere man," rather than a full person.

Actually, I didn't know it, and was taking the writing for granted. Apologies for the confusion.

I have often wondered if the confusion which OP has experienced is a byproduct of an overemphasis of stereotypical "Gender Roles."

Perhaps it is in the boundaries that we are most free? I am "bound by gender roles" only in the sense that I am a man. Which means that I am, among many things, supposed to be a breadwinner/laborer/crafter/artist, chaste (to protect women)--sounds archaic but so are gender roles--capable of functioning in this capacity in society, etc. These roles are restrictive in a sense that the feathers on the arrow restrict its flight--directly to the bullseye of the target, winning the match. Or the rails that the locomotive runs on keep it in the same direction, but make it free to do its job. I heard this argument in some form or another from someone I forgot, but it did make sense at least.

Stereotypical "gender roles," I think we can all agree--conservative, liberal, independent alike--are so problematic in the post-intelligence world we inhabit, that they tend to hurt people. I'd go a step further and say they cause a lot of gender dysphoria issues but I have zero proof of that, just a few surmises.

I'm a man. I feel male. Yet I don't feel confined by my "maleness." I do things which transcend my gender.

Yet: I am a man. I feel male. Even if I do needlepoint (which I don't do because I'm not good at it).

I think that the title of a gender can be comforting, and easy to have a simple part you can have as your identity. I myself have been struggling for a while with whatever my gender is, I started a topic: 'Do I have a different gender identity?', and I feel fairly confident to say that I am off the binary. But I don't yet have a name yet, and I don't really know what it means in daily life.

I have been watching a lot of people online of different gender identities and sexual orientations, and I have come across a few guys, that even so far as facial hair have beards, but identify as off the binary (I think non-binary), and I think may be something I might fit, but not sure yet if I am comfortable calling myself that yet. I don't really have much in the way of dysphoria, am fine with he/him, but there are some things that feel off.

I think that the best I have heard is that whatever your gender is, you are valid, unless you are trying to make fun of people by saying that you are a helicopter.

Maybe you are also a genderqueer like your friends

I feel similarly about my gender. I don't mind being referred to as he/him, and the way I think and do things is generally masculine, but I don't feel entirely "male". I don't really feel female either. If I wanted to put a label on myself, I'd say I'm a demiboy.

I don’t think you need to identify with anything other than who you are as an individual. There are gender roles that not everyone fits in with because we are a spectrum of people. I think the whole idea of labels and stereotypes is restrictive to an individuals growth because it then creates a perimeter around which each person is categorized by. Usually when other people discover something that is out that characteristic they may feel surprised and for some it limits their perspective and growth on life.
Your physical attributes are not always the same as your emotional attributes. I think perception and stereotypes can be limiting, but this just my opinion. I have learned that everyone has been so engrossed with labels and trying to find a place to be that they might have forget that they just are.

I'll go through it. Even though I'm a man, I behave like a girl.

You might be like me. I identify as ACE. There is ace, demisexual, gray and stone sexualities. Faith G. Harper wrote a book called Unf#ck Your Intimacy. it just might clear things up for you. Try Microcosmpublishing.com