can I say goodbye to this part of myself?

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Thanks for the advice. He does know that I'm bi. I don't hide it from him, and I've talked to him about it before. I just haven't been entirely open about particular people who I find attractive. Maybe I should though. I think there is a difference between me finding someone sexy and me falling in love with someone else. In my case it's more the former than the latter.

Certainly there is! We couldn't ever live in happy relationships if there wasn't

I think that’s a good question to ask yourself right now before you get married. You don’t want that idea to nag you when you guys are both married. If anything I wouldn’t want it to lead to becoming an uncommitted relationship during marriage, but if there is an aspect of yourself that you feel like you have been neglecting then it might be worth considering before marriage. At least if you do explore this side of yourself, and decide that you are happier with men then there won’t be any doubt in the future that you want to be only with your partner.

I think that when it comes to relationships it’s usually about mutual connections, understandings, and probably a healthy amount of compromises. If you have to take a break to assess your sexuality before marriage then that is something only you can do.

People discover their sexuality at different paces, so there’s not really a set rule and there shouldn’t be any shame or guilt about developing a healthy sexual relationship with yourself and your partner. You should not shame yourself and be guilty about something you have not experienced yourself.

What happens when you are married and meet someone you suddenly develop chemistry for and this thought comes up again, but you didn’t have the chance to consider it before? It might come back and bother you, so it’s better to look at an aspect of yourself that you have not gotten a chance to understand yet before you get married since this is causing some amount of hesitation. Best wishes, yo.

update: I had a long discussion about this with my bf after talking to you all. He is super accepting and understanding of my feelings, but also, I think understandably, is not down with the prospect of me actually getting together with a lady physically just so that I can have peace of mind knowing what that's like. Fair enough. He and I are in an exclusive relationship and these were the terms we agreed upon back when we first got into this. I love the man, so I figured I would just wait this thing out and see how I feel as time went on.

Fast forward to this week. I had made this new friend in my neighborhood recently (we met at an exercise class) and the two of us hit it off, so we went and saw a movie together. She paid for my dinner when we were hanging out the other day and so to pay her back I offered to cook her a meal at my place a few days later (I like to cook). When she came over my boyfriend was just leaving, so I introduced the two briefly before we set to dinner. Well, we had a couple beers and ate and -well, let's just say I misread the situation. She came in for a... very long and intimate hug, and started to rub my neck. I'm not going to lie. It was rather hot. I explained to her that I was in a committed relationship and was not looking for that kind of friend . She respectfully apologized and it was awkward after that. Admittedly I can be rather oblivious, so it's not entirely surprising that I didn't know this was going to happen. -but also DAMN IT! she is hot. I feel like just as soon as I get past thinking about sex with some one else I just get myself into one of these situations. Nothing happened. She went home. She didn't even kiss me. I just feel like I'm somehow still being a sh***y girlfriend. Sometimes I think my boyfriend deserves better.

I've been in a committed relationship for over twenty years and continue to find other people "hot", especially when I ovulate. Prior to marriage I acted upon some of these (small degree) and disclosed to my boyfriend (future husband). Eventually I identified the triggers for these "episodes" and addressed them. After marriage I have the feelings but -as you did- do not act upon them. I wouldn't call it sh***y, I would call it typical.

Kudos for you for being in productive communication with your BF!!