Being gay vs autistic!

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Don't you live in th Bible Belt somewhere?

That's not surprising.

Last edited by blitzkrieg on 03 Apr 2024, 6:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I’m not in the Bible Belt. My area is conservative and religious though.

Oh right.

Yeah, I imagined it would be conservative.

Your mileage may vary a bit with this one.

My teenage years weren't easy. I was physically bullied, had some chants spread about me, was spat at and called disgusting.

I did mask in a sense that I had a fake boyfriend who was also gay. Unfortunately, the thing about fake relationships... is that your stories need to match. Otherwise people notice and things start to spiral.

I was outed against my will. He was also physically bullied like I was when the truth came into public view.

However, as cliché as it is, things did get better for the both of us. We started new lives in new places.

Unfortunately my last workplace was rather openly homophobic and that wasn't easy. It reminded me of how things used to be and it was like I was looking into my past once more. Felt like I was being wrapped in a scratchy wet heavy blanket.

I wasn't offended. Rather, I just felt like I was the only adult surrounded by a bunch of immature teens cosplaying as adults.

I digress. Jamesy, please don't despair. Life is indeed worth living. We're here for you.

I live in a pretty forgiving area to be openly transgender.
I was the first one to be out at work about five years ago.
I wore skirts when they put in a dress code saying we couldn't wear shorts.
High heels are quite distinctive on lineoleum floors!
I was joined by another T-girl for a few months before I retired.
She is twenty years younger and is out on Facebook!

I live in northern Ohio, so the area is a mixed bag but generally being gay isn't a major deal here these days but years ago it could get you in trouble.

Well, I'll just say at my current workplace, I wouldn't tell anyone that I'm bi.

I have not been screened for autism, so to even try to tell my workplace about that would be odd. I mean, it's not confirmed, I don't even know it for sure. But needless to say I'd still be worried. I currently live in Evangelical/MAGA land.

I'm afraid that the potentially-autistic traits about me are bubbling up from below and that people at my work can see it. Most noticeably recently a consistent sensory issue at work leading me down to near the point of meltdown, and having to run to the restroom when I'm nearing that point. It's happened many, many times.

I want to think that if I had the word, the reason that all of this is happening, they could understand better, but I don't know that that's true (also I don't even know if they would ever consider autism in a woman). I'm likely just being naive. Where I live, I get the vibe that autism is seen as something that is demonic and one needs "deliverance" from.

You can see why maybe I haven't rushed in to get screened.

Let me put it this way: LGBT people are already not supported where I currently live. A state legislator recently said (no exaggeration here) that LGBT people are "filth" that are not wanted in the state. I see little distinction between their thoughts on LGBT people and autistic people here. Considering I'm already bi, already ADHD, already not a church-goer, I'm on enough "lists". I see the writing on the wall. I won't even consider getting tested until I move (which is coming up very soon now, actually), but even still I'm still in the USA, and considering how close we are to the potential of a near-fascistic federal government by early next year I don't want to put myself on more lists.

I am queer and Autistic.

The former was a more of an issue when when I was younger. As Ive grown older the situation has reversed. These days my queer identity barely raises an eyebrow or results in any judgement or problems. Disclosure of my AU identity brings with it much discrimination, disrespect and ignorance.

Typically, nobody will kill you for being autistic.
If we're just talking "gay" specifically rather than a blanket term for queer, I'd say one requires a bit more explanation than the other and people are less likely to have diehard opinions on the matter, though you could be unlucky.
Personally, I'd rather out myself as autistic than gay.

Even in the bad old days of the 20th Century autistic was worse than being homosexual ... according my observations.

Today even more so.

What Valorum said is pretty much what Ive heard and observed. As a school kid gay might get you more bullied to a greater degree than autistic may get you bullied, but life gets better as you move into adulthood for most gays and lesbians. With autistic it stays lousy.

Where I used to work before I retired we had some jobs that could be great for someone on the specturm.
I offered to manage such a person, being in a "senior" position. No way was the response from my boss.
We had several gays and lesbian managers. There was a dinner table where they would eat together at company functions.

What if you're gay *and* autistic?

true: it's easier to be gay than autistic

false: society treats gay people better than autistics

people are much more kind to our type these days than they have been in the past, rabid homophobes are still commonplace all over the globe but eugenicists get shut down quickly

Well... it's not a contest. Both are marginalized experiences.

I think there's this.... very hands-off sort of awareness of autism. I keep seeing sooo many people with those "Autism Speaks" shirts from Walmart that say stuff like "it's okay to be different"

I mean.... terrible "charity", good message. But.... its "okay to be different", until.... people get mad at you for not being able to "read the room". Or you're a little too enthusiastic about your special interest. Or you ask "too many" questions because you need extra clarity due to taking things a bit too literal. Or, you get caught up in details and wanting to do everything exactly right and need extra time and patience when being taught something new, because of this....

Really, the general public needs to stop being told to "accept people with autism", and moreso.... be taught what autism even IS! And what it can look like. And that it's not synonymous with intellectual disability.