I'm Afraid Of Me

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With any luck maybe you'll meet someone who has some of the traditionalist views you appreciate, but without the homophobia that's so common in those circles.

You're entitled to like what you like, and ideally that should be possible without absorbing the notion that you or your attractions are inherently less valuable. Making peace with you are fundamentally is possible, drastically altering who you are fundamentally generally doesn't seem to work out. Denying who you are in this regard seems to lead to people ending up bitter and self-loathing, often with a lot of resentment towards the female partners they feel obliged to pursue because they represent denial of what that person actually is attracted to.

It seems like a really miserable way to go through life.



It's hard to see them as discriminated against, because some entities are vocal in pushing back against discrimination? My brother in Christ, people only make a point of signalling their acceptance of queer people because hostile views towards them are still so common.

If everyone agrees a cause is good there's little incentive to signal one's approval of that cause because consensus already exists. When a cause is more controversial it's a way of signalling no matter who is against you, we're still with you.



You say this like most gay men don't dress like men, act like men or talk like men. Ignoring that men can dress, act or talk however they wish, most gay men aren't that removed from most men in general and some of the extent to which some might be more removed is also a result of discrimination.

If some obviously gay little boy doesn't get included in "male stuff" as a kid, he's less likely to develop those interests or have nostalgia for those experiences. If some less obviously gay boy is constantly subjected to homophobic rhetoric and jokes when participating in those spaces (even if the barbs aren't directed towards him personally), he's less likely to feel welcome in those spaces.

Either way, the outcome is driving some portion of boys away from that stuff for who they are, which in the long-term is likely to result in under-representation.

The problem isn't from minorities, it's from bigots poisoning those spaces and interests for some people. That pressure can also be expressed by members of whatever minority, but it's the result of internalizing that bigotry, not because that minority has no place in that space or hobby or interest.

What makes it hard for me to accept is that growing up I was using gay slurs and joking against gays, and around most of my friends online and sometimes irl I use gay slurs. I'm not as vocally and loudly homophobic like I used to be but a side of me tends to hold negative views upon them. Particularly against the far-left gays. It feels alienating being gay due to the fact it's hard to find gay men like me irl. This feels suffocating but I feel trapped due to the shame and embarrassment of it.