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Lesbian/Gay Bi or other Queer Aspies(positive posts please)

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alana
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05 Feb 2010, 2:13 pm

Mok wrote:
I think there is some parallel with the GLBTQ pride movement; if people with alternative sexualities can be loud and proud, why can't people with alternative brains also be proud?

Interestingly, I had the opposite experience - I always got along way better with gay men than with lesbians. Somehow, I managed to find a lot of gay men who were on the spectrum, and even though they had their shallow moments, they were mostly down-to-earth. Strangely, I managed to meet mostly NT lesbians. Maybe all the Aspie lesbians (Asbians?) were hiding at home because bars tend to scare some people on the spectrum (or at least me anyway - the only bars I feel comfortable in are ones that involve karaoke, because music is one of my Aspie "special interests").


that is soooo true about 'alternative brains. I also relate about getting along better with gay men. In my adult life my friendships have been gay men and my exes. Lesbians are as hard for me to relate to alot of the time as straight NT girls, I think it's the 'male mind' thing or something...it seems a really cliquish thing and I don't know how to do it.



ilivinamushroom
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05 Feb 2010, 2:51 pm

Asbians love that need to put that on wikpedia, I am so happy people are connecting here. The queer scene anywhere is such a meat market, I have been immersed in it as a young adult in the seattle gay district. Whenever I am so deeply confused by my 2 lesbian friends with their complicated relationships and confounding social skills I can just come here where I don't feel inadequate.



rmgh
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05 Feb 2010, 7:11 pm

RedHorizon wrote:
Apart from being completely being taken advantage of and not knowing how to stand up for myself, the thing that made it hard to relate to people that I associated with casually was all these "typical" expectations that they had, something that seemed to be innate in each of them. It was annoying as hell. Oh well, all in the past now right? Sorry for the tangent but I'll just throw my experience along with my less than optimistic perspective out for everyone to see.

That all sounds very very familiar.



CelticGoddess
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05 Feb 2010, 7:24 pm

rmgh wrote:
RedHorizon wrote:
Apart from being completely being taken advantage of and not knowing how to stand up for myself, the thing that made it hard to relate to people that I associated with casually was all these "typical" expectations that they had, something that seemed to be innate in each of them. It was annoying as hell. Oh well, all in the past now right? Sorry for the tangent but I'll just throw my experience along with my less than optimistic perspective out for everyone to see.

That all sounds very very familiar.


I think that's familiar whether you're bi, gay, or straight though.



rmgh
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06 Feb 2010, 9:08 pm

CelticGoddess wrote:
rmgh wrote:
RedHorizon wrote:
Apart from being completely being taken advantage of and not knowing how to stand up for myself, the thing that made it hard to relate to people that I associated with casually was all these "typical" expectations that they had, something that seemed to be innate in each of them. It was annoying as hell. Oh well, all in the past now right? Sorry for the tangent but I'll just throw my experience along with my less than optimistic perspective out for everyone to see.

That all sounds very very familiar.


I think that's familiar whether you're bi, gay, or straight though.

I don't suppose it wouldn't be. It really gets you down when gay/bi guys are so few and far between in the first place. Well, nice ones at least.



Mok
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08 Feb 2010, 9:58 pm

rmgh wrote:
I'm bisexual without much emotional feelings for females. Also, I seem to only prefer males or females at different times. Rarely both at the same time.

This post has immensely cheered me up. It took me years to come to terms with my sexuality and then I had to work out why I was so bad at my attempts at relationships with either sex. It is mainly a secret and I work so hard at convincing people that I am straight that sometimes I am totally fooled by it myself for short periods. When I start to feel empty inside because of this, I start to affiliate myself, in my head, with the gay people I know and then I realise I don't fit in with them either. Openly gay people, I find, tend to be stereotypical femenine, bitchy types. It's so depressing. Sometimes I really feel there is nowhere for me.


Well, at least we have this message board.



ilivinamushroom
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10 Feb 2010, 1:20 am

alana wrote:
Mok wrote:
I think there is some parallel with the GLBTQ pride movement; if people with alternative sexualities can be loud and proud, why can't people with alternative brains also be proud?

Interestingly, I had the opposite experience - I always got along way better with gay men than with lesbians. Somehow, I managed to find a lot of gay men who were on the spectrum, and even though they had their shallow moments, they were mostly down-to-earth. Strangely, I managed to meet mostly NT lesbians. Maybe all the Aspie lesbians (Asbians?) were hiding at home because bars tend to scare some people on the spectrum (or at least me anyway - the only bars I feel comfortable in are ones that involve karaoke, because music is one of my Aspie "special interests").


that is soooo true about 'alternative brains. I also relate about getting along better with gay men. In my adult life my friendships have been gay men and my exes. Lesbians are as hard for me to relate to alot of the time as straight NT girls, I think it's the 'male mind' thing or something...it seems a really cliquish thing and I don't know how to do it.


This is well said almost all of my old friends were gay men I was around alot of lesbians but socializing with them was a totally different game. Recently I actually made a friend with a local lesbian I had known casually for over a year, she is very NT and has done quite the number on me psychologically.



Mok
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19 Feb 2010, 4:56 pm

So anyway, I've recently found myself in an interesting situation where I like someone that I think is also on the spectrum, but she doesn't know that I'm a female-to-male transsexual at the very beginning of my transition, and I'm pretty sure she's heterosexual. I'm not sure when to tell her and how to tell her about my transition. Anyone else ever been in this sort of situation?



kc8ufv
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19 Feb 2010, 10:07 pm

Mok wrote:
So anyway, I've recently found myself in an interesting situation where I like someone that I think is also on the spectrum, but she doesn't know that I'm a female-to-male transsexual at the very beginning of my transition, and I'm pretty sure she's heterosexual. I'm not sure when to tell her and how to tell her about my transition. Anyone else ever been in this sort of situation?


I'm not exactly in that situation (I question if I was supposed to be, or was born intersex... There's some questionable scars that can be felt...) but I know if I were on the recieving end of that scenario, I'd kinda preffer earlier than later. Not that the info would bother me at all, it's more that I would feel like I wasn't trusted if it was too delayed. I assume by you saying you are at the beginning of your transition, you mean you are dressing like a guy, and generally acting like a guy. I think it would probably be best if it were to be brought up basically while getting to know her. I wouldn't neccesarily recommend bringing it right up in the first few minutes, though, as you may freak her out. I wish Padium were still around here, as I understand she is likely further in her transition, and probably would have more advice for you.



emilyh
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20 Feb 2010, 11:49 am

I think we should ask for a separate LGBT subforum on wrong planet.Theres quite a lot of us about, it would be nice to have somewhere like that to discuss things :)



Mok
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20 Feb 2010, 8:58 pm

kc8ufv wrote:
Mok wrote:
So anyway, I've recently found myself in an interesting situation where I like someone that I think is also on the spectrum, but she doesn't know that I'm a female-to-male transsexual at the very beginning of my transition, and I'm pretty sure she's heterosexual. I'm not sure when to tell her and how to tell her about my transition. Anyone else ever been in this sort of situation?


I'm not exactly in that situation (I question if I was supposed to be, or was born intersex... There's some questionable scars that can be felt...) but I know if I were on the recieving end of that scenario, I'd kinda preffer earlier than later. Not that the info would bother me at all, it's more that I would feel like I wasn't trusted if it was too delayed. I assume by you saying you are at the beginning of your transition, you mean you are dressing like a guy, and generally acting like a guy. I think it would probably be best if it were to be brought up basically while getting to know her. I wouldn't neccesarily recommend bringing it right up in the first few minutes, though, as you may freak her out. I wish Padium were still around here, as I understand she is likely further in her transition, and probably would have more advice for you.


In addition to the dressing/acting in a more stereotypically male role, I am also taking testosterone, and I am hormonally equivalent to the average genetic male. But the rest has not changed yet.

I have gotten to know her a bit, mostly through community activities and the occasional going for coffee. I met her a little over a year ago, but I didn't make any moves signaling romantic interest until Valentine's Day. So, now that I have done that, I feel a responsibility to tell her about my transition soon, perhaps over another coffee outing. I hope she'll take it well, as the community we both belong to is comprised of a decidedly liberal social demographic. I have even written out what I'd like to say to her, but instead of handing her a letter, I'd prefer to just memorize what I wrote and tell her face-to-face. I hope it goes over well, and even if that kills the romantic possibilities, I at least hope to keep her as a friend.



Mok
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20 Feb 2010, 9:02 pm

emilyh wrote:
I think we should ask for a separate LGBT subforum on wrong planet.Theres quite a lot of us about, it would be nice to have somewhere like that to discuss things :)


It would be great if we had something like that on Wrong Planet. Then again, there is also an entire site devoted to us (Gay Aspie).



rmgh
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22 Feb 2010, 4:02 pm

Mok wrote:
emilyh wrote:
I think we should ask for a separate LGBT subforum on wrong planet.Theres quite a lot of us about, it would be nice to have somewhere like that to discuss things :)


It would be great if we had something like that on Wrong Planet. Then again, there is also an entire site devoted to us (Gay Aspie).

Is it a forum where we can discuss all our difficulties and dilemmas we have because of Asperger's on top of the already difficult situation of living in a world so against non heterosexual people?



bully_on_speed
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22 Feb 2010, 4:21 pm

seriously its really tough, i tried being a lesbian and found myself shut out from the lesbian community, oh we cant be with a guy. you know what that is exclusion. who says lesbians and straight men cant be friends, i mean if we have similar taste in women why not



kiwi
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24 Feb 2010, 6:54 am

rmgh wrote:
Mok wrote:
emilyh wrote:
I think we should ask for a separate LGBT subforum on wrong planet.Theres quite a lot of us about, it would be nice to have somewhere like that to discuss things :)


It would be great if we had something like that on Wrong Planet. Then again, there is also an entire site devoted to us (Gay Aspie).

Is it a forum where we can discuss all our difficulties and dilemmas we have because of Asperger's on top of the already difficult situation of living in a world so against non heterosexual people?


sure :P Join up..

its lively its raw.. its free :) upload pics and share your story.

I have, thanks for the plug Mok..

www.gayaspie.com :)



higeyuki
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24 Feb 2010, 5:33 pm

nerdical wrote:
Are we all from Oregon?? haha

I have an attraction mostly to males, but have been infatuated with a couple females in my past. AS on top of this is certainly quite a sub-subset of the population.

My problem is all the processing I have to do intellectually with intimacy is so overbearing I just avoid relationships most of the time. I can't understand social cues and my lack of empathy usually shoots me in the foot.



Wow, I completely agree, I always miss something important some cue and then its too late. I have only had short term relationships, can't seem to get to the six month mark. Partly though Omaha has a smaller gay population.