What's the gay community really like?

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There's no such thing as gay community. We're just the same as the straights, we just like our own kind

True I like to hang out with gays lesbiens and bisexuals the most

I hope not.

I feel you and unfortunately, many in the gay subculture ARE like that. (I don't like to say community because like other posters stated, it's not the sexuality. To me subculture is a more appropriate term). I think however a lot of it doesn't come solely from being gay but cultural influences.

-Vanity: We're a media obsessed culture that focuses on looks. As men we go for what's easy on the eyes. Since our brains are supposedly wired similarly to women, that includes a healthy dose of self-fussing, cattiness and competitive streak over who's better looking. I think it also comes from celebrities such as Lady Gaga and Britney Spears endorsing gays as a sort of accessory and we cling onto these idols in hopes for someone to look up to.

-Sleeping Around: Men in general (and some women) tend to have the 'enjoy what I can' mentality. Since the act involves two men, they're less likely to commit without any of the hang-ups of commitment and attachment. Also because homosexuality is almost universally disapproved in many cultures (thanks to Abrahamic religions), many are less likely to commit because they are either living double lives and hiding themselves or are afraid to form an attachment because they believe it's wrong/sinful.

I've been to gay bars and clubs since I've been 'out'. Haven't met a date that wasn't disappointed and gave up because I wasn't willing to give myself up so easily or felt that I didn't live up to their standards of looks (and believe me, I've rarely dated 8's, let alone 9's or 10's). Every gay dating website I've seen advertises pornography or sex, and even phone apps are more for people looking for hookups or 'just looking for friends'. At the bars and clubs the only ones who get approached are guys who look like models (surprise much?) or guys that are already in one's social clique or group. If you're an introvert or loner (especially as an Aspie in a predominantly NT place), you're basically screwed.

Heck I've even tried my school's gay-friendly christian group. They based their 'biblical lessons' on Glee. Quit recently .____.

I think a lot of gay men deep down WANT a relationship and someone to love, but because of the subculture and our culture's focus on vanity, glamour, and unfortunate preoccupation with free sex, many cannot find what they want and are basically lost in trying to satisfy some form of attachment while looking for the 'perfect' mate.

It's really unfortunate because many gay men are incredibly bright, intelligent, have good hearts, can be incredible friends and have a lot to offer. But we're so catty and cruel to one another because of self hate and vanity that many of us don't achieve monogamy or even some form of stability in our lives. But we're out there so there is hope

Part of the problem, which also happens in the straight world as well, is a simple mathematical one. Gay men that want to settle down tend to stop appearing on the scene when they do so and certainly aren't available if they do. In other words, every gay man that finds a relationship is taken out of the pool. On the other hand, those gay men purely in it for sex will stay on the scene and can be picked up over and over again.

Here's an example of how it works. Take a pack of playing cards, shuffle them, and take one at random. The black cards are your steady Eddies - they want a relationship - so when you find one, put it to one side. The red cards are your lotharios - they'll have a short term fling, then go back for more, so put the red ones back in the deck. After every red card, shuffle the deck.

At first you'll find a good scattering of red and black. But over time the black cards will become fewer, and the red ones will rapidly outnumber them. There's the same number of red and black cards, but you'll keep hitting the red ones because the black ones are no longer in the deck.

Of course, reality is a lot more complicated. But this gives you an idea.

<-- Gay man, relationship currently up to ten years.

Most gay men that I have known tend to be somewhat vain. The also seem to be politically liberal.

This is what the gay community looks like: http://www.somethingofthatilk.com/index.php?id=223

Gay people are as diverse as straight people. The media and Hollywood have done us the disservice of the stereotypes.

the vanity/promiscuity comes from the fact that beauty/sexiness fades with age, along with the chances for hooking up with others who care mainly about beauty/sexiness- so goes the "getting while the getting is good.". the left-wing political bent is understandable from the point of view of a sub-population of single gay folk historically disenfranchised by right-wingers at every turn. no surprises here.

The term "Gay community" is a very interesting term - it seems to be very outdated now by 40 years or so (ie since Stonewall).......beacause over the the last 30 - 40 years western countries gay communities have grown exponentially, all due to the legalising of "homosexual acts" through to anti-discrimination law and now the push and legalisation of gay marriage. The gay community is now a very broad term, which is a good thing, the only bad thing is the "Gay stereotype" the effeminate male - who is bitchy, weirdly this type of "gay male" - who people would have said is the type of guy you see in the gay bar - which was seen as the centre of the gay community,
The gay community has changed so much and in a lot of places there is no central place. anymore - if you want to find similar minded people go online, google is a good start - look on facebook etc for groups.
Also it's kinda like are all Aspies the same? like do we all fit a stereotypical mold- NO -. The world will try and fit you into a mold and label you, be free and choose your own path.

I'm pretty much with you AstroGeek. I've had a few sips of alcohol before but that stuff was pretty bitter and just left me more depressed than I should've been, so not doing that again.... Also, I've never taken drugs before and never plan to. Casual sex is a no no for me, I'm too emotional to do anything of the sort, if that happens, it's because I'm already married! But speaking of marriage, unless for some reason the universe finds love for me, I'm not doing it. For some reason, I think I'd rather fight for the rights of gays than to actually participate in the gay dream.

Partying is something that I can't just do, mainly because I'm an introvert and socially awkward. And with introversion comes the fact that I'm not very expressive with my success, I don't like being "vain" or anything like that, I'd rather have humility in my privacy than vainness in success since we all have success in our own ways, the hell should I gloat about mine when there's your's?

So basically, I'm just like you are.... in those ways anyway.

I do fit the socially liberal stereotype, not because I want my rights, but because I expect people to help others, case closed for me! (I don't know how your political views are) But I'm also a personal conservative (as you could've probably gotten from the first paragraph) while most people in the gay community do happen to be liberal in both ways not because they're sheep who follow the herd but because they recognize that expression seems to be the only way to get awareness. Though I do find something wrong with extremely casual sex and heavy drug use, I can't say that all aspects of the LGBTQ community are bad. It's great that we even have a sense of community, I mean, we only make up about 5% of the entire global populous, we have to be strong together anyway!

But yes, those with ASD are often grouped into stereotypes (that I can't say I honestly don't fit into at all) but with stereotypes come the lack of awareness of the uniqueness and diversity that comes with a certain name or grouping. For example, I'm also Asian, we're told that we HAVE to work hard and have no life except for studying. I tried doing that for years but ultimately, that caused me to get into utter emotional breakdown so obviously, I had to change my ways and it reflected positively on my grades as a whole to be honest. :p

But I think that stereotypes exist since if you're part of a widely known, yet relatively unknown, group of people, people don't know how you're like as an individual and they believe that the easiest way to get to know how you are is to stereotype you. This is a very unfortunate belief but it's true. :/

Anyway, I hope you do participate in whatever the LGBTQ community is in some way, just like how it's so lonely to be in the closet, what's the use if you're not going to interact with people when you're out? Even I have to do that and I'm an extreme introvert! XD

this

No, that's how most stereotypes of gay men are perceived & believed. There are gay people who enjoy the gay club scene, the same or other gay people that have lots of one-night stands, some of the same ones or others that use recreational drugs, and some of the same ones or others that go to bath-houses etc. Yes, there are people in gay relationships that sleep around - just like there are heteros. You're right, it is some segment of gay males and not true of others. The gay community is as varied as the hetero, just on a smaller micro scale in comparison. People only see the out there in your face type proud to be gay flaming/femme/uber gay types and then project those images over the entire population via the halo effect. (opposite of stereotyping, seeing one and assuming all others are like vs. seeing many and assuming individuals are like them.)

Even though I was a bartender for the better part of 5 years (not at gay bars) I don't care for clubs and never go. I've never been to a bath-house. I've never really had a relationship to cheat on anyone outside of, so that doesn't count I suppose. As for other homos, my brothers bosses are both gay (business partners, they're not a couple.) & so are many of his coworkers. From the ones I've heard about or met, absolutely none of them fit the stereotypical gay profile - they're all just people, who work in a professional office selling stuff, and happen to be attracted to the same sex. Even though we have a very large "pride parade," here every summer, last year was the first time I bothered to check it out. It was entertaining and had some value in seeing people just free to be themselves, but there are definitely a lot of people who treat it like gay mardi gras/halloween or whatever and like to dress in very... interesting ways. Completely not my style, but whatever, to each their own - that fringe minority is free to do whatever they please, as we all are. But they're not representative of the whole, for sure. One of my closest friends is also gay, and far more gay than I in terms of some mannerisms & expressions and taste in fashion etc, but he's stated that Pride is his idea of a personal hell - and I totally get that, too, because it's just a colourful mashup of every flaming queer stereotype that's ever lived. But still, there's value in the social progressions and acceptance and in just seeing people be themselves, as well as heteros and families all out in full support of societal equality - so it still serves a greater purposes, imo, despite the flaming queerness of it all.

Queer as folk - some of that can be very real, some of it very amplified for TV. It's more likely that various people can relate to certain parts of it in their lives, and the rest not so much, depending on what they're into and how they live their lives. It's sort of like any soap opera where they take a big mix of anything controversial/stereotypical and blend a bunch of it into each character, with each of them typically going through a lot more major life events, stresses, and changes than most people actually do. That's what makes it entertaining TV, and allows them to have a core cast of x# of people in a show vs. having to introduce many more characters just to portray some other crazy bit of drama. But overall, from the several episodes I've seen, a whole heck of a lot of the things portrayed in the show DO happen in real life - just maybe not all to the same person or small group of people.

I'm sure there are others like you out there, too. Just let it be known that's what you're looking for and wait patiently. Also just do whatever it is you do in life, whether work or sports or whatever, while being open to the possibility of meeting that someone special. But do not make it any sort of mental criteria for yourself to have to find that someone in order for you to be happy. Be happy with yourself, flying solo, vs. being codependent on a friend or significant other for your own happiness. This is one of the best things I've learned from the examples of a friend of mine. Learning to be very very OK with myself, content, and actually happy to be amongst no one's company but my own has been immensely valuable. Then if/when there's someone else, there may be a different new kind of happiness later - but all along while being single and merely having a few close friends I hang out with, I can be happy all on my own w/o needing someone else or stressing about finding them or when it might happen etc.

As for your criteria, you may find someone who's religious that follows the same path you've chosen. (no partying/drugs/bars, monogamy & waiting for sex) Alternatively, you may just find another aspie who has the same desires in life and love. Just a couple of thoughts of where you might keep your eye open a little wider - but just be open to it whenever it happens, don't stress about putting a bunch of time and energy into actively seeking someone vs. just letting life happen. YMMV.

Gays behave the same way as straights, I have very good friends who are gay and they don't exhibit stereotypical gay behavior. If I just met them for the first time I wouldn't even know that they were gay.

Well, I know this can get a bit controversial.

The gay community is just as diverse as the straight community, but that's not where the controversial part set in. The controversial part is about fraudulent claims that influences sociologists' conclusions and sexuality researchers' conclusion. I have no position regarding certain matters of gay rights, the claims is that APA has proven gay parenting is no different than straight parenting and yet the LGBT has overlooked the limitations of those studies and the problems in those studies. I'm not saying that the anti-lgbt studies are any more valid, they aren't and they still have it set of problems. That being said, when it comes to those sociological studies, there are always limitations and problems, and so many variations of interpretations, that one could say that these sociological studies are not that useful when it comes to arguing a position. Another fraudulent claims is sexuality can't change when it has been already concluded that there is no conclusive causation to what causes sexuality and it has been documented that there are people whose identity has changed over a course of a decade regardless of age and how rare it is. That being said, I do think there should be more honesty within the lgbt community regarding some scientific issues and at least, some of them should back up their claims before asserting it and at least, I'm glad I have met few that's within in the lgbt community that will admit fluid sexuality exists and it's a flawed strategy to use sociological studies to support their position when there's issues with most if not all of their cited studies.