Transgender Aspies

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First I never knew there were transgender or andrognyous asperber. I to like to wear feminine clothing. But still being a male sort of transgender or androgynous person. I like to look sort of feminine. But I never talk about it because I believe it's a private thing. Its my style. And I hate being told how I should look. Or dress. They said I should look or dress like a man. But deep inside tell me. That there wrong. They no idea of who or what I am. I'm trying figure that out. For who knows how long! Can anyone have some questions or some experience about this subject!

I would have to say I am in the "3rd" gender category. I was born truly intersexed with pAIS. Grade 2/3. For those that don't know what pAIS is, AIS stands for Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. The "P" means "Partial". There are two more forms of AIS, "M" and "C", "M" meaning "mild" and "C" meaning "Complete".

A.I.S. babies/people are XY in chromosome just as normal males are. Like autism, it is a spectrum. It goes from mild to partial to complete. I wont talk about "mild" here because it's not that common. The way AIS works is an XY baby in-utero should be born a 100% normal male baby but really isn't. So what happens is this: the body may make a normal amount of testosterone or not. and the body "rejects" the testosterone/utilize and process it like it should. So think of it as a outward image spectrum: from male to female:

GRADE:
1 - Scruffy male but male - Marlboro man
2 - Prettyboy male - Leonardo DiCaprio
3 - Feminine looking male - Andrej Pejic (a beautiful male who looks female)
4 - Any androgynous looking male or female
5 - Boyish looking female - Chaz bono pre sex change
6 - Normal female but somewhat manly-ish face
7 - Pretty female - (pick some pretty model)

OK, think of that as a spectrum of 1 to 7. With 1 being manly in image and genitals and 7 definitely female looking and female genitals. I was diagnosed somewhere between a PAIS grade 2 and 3. More boyish in the face and genitals - but not 100%male. Internally, I don't Identify as 100% male. Maybe 70% female and 30% male.

Grades 1 to 6 are pAIS and 7 is cAIS or (C)omplete AIS. Grades 6-7, the genitals are most female looking (vagina) and babies raised as girls. They don't find out they are actually XY chromosome males until puberty hits and they DON'T get a period (monthly cycle). The parents take the kid to the doc only to find out they don't have a uterus and their ovaries aren't ovaries, they are actually testicles.

These "girls" lives are usually shattered when they find out they "should" have been boys. I guess I would too if I thought I was just a normal girl. Funny thing, the ones I know who are CAIS are BEAUTIFUL! I always joke with them and say they're beautiful because they don't have an ounce of testosterone in them.

The more middle of the numbers (4,5), the genitals can be ambiguous (not 100% male or female). Vagina with a large clitorous, partially closed vagina, etc. The lower the number, the 'boys' usually have tiny to micro penis, gynecomastia (breasts), undecended testicles, some or no auxiliary (puberty) body hair (chest/back), etc.

'Google' Googles image section sometime for AIS genitals or Ambiguous genitals - you'see what I'm talking about. So gender isn't so black and white as people in society really think! Silly sheep!

I'll be 39 soon and all my life I never identified as male or female 100%. Sure, I played the 'butchy rough male role and I hated life. Hell, even got married to a female. Now that, I don't regret - she is freaking awesome.

When I was born in '79, they didn't know medically what they know now about intersex conditions. I had by definition: 'micro penis' and undecended testes, gynecomastia (breasts -I was a 36C and I wasn't fat), no chest or back hair. If you don't know what undecended testes are, the testicles don't "drop naturally" into the scrotum at the time of birth - they have to be manually dropped if they don't drop naturally with in a period of months.

As I got older, I looked male, but not like typical boys. I had a soft look - for a lack of a better phrase. Not feminine (I wish), just soft (think Lenardo DiCaprio). I was called handsome by my girlfriends, but I hated it. I'd almost cry when I got called that. I had gender dysphoria for as long as I could remember. I loved to play with girl toys, but at the same time, I loved my trucks and digging in the dirt - go figure.

As a kid, I never understood mentally the concept of two genders: male and female. I always thought we were one gender, just looked different. So I couldn't understand why I wasn't allowed to wear dresses, stockings, girl sneakers, jeans, flats, hoodies, etc. "That stuff is not for boys" "but why mom, I don't get it?"

I think my family thought I was going to be like my moms brother or should I say sister because he (she) was a transsexual (male to female) and had her sex change operation in 1979 at Hopkins in Baltimore. I loved my aunt to death. I was SO damn jealous of her that she could live out her dream and be "Dee" instead of "Donald".

Although my mom knew I wore her stuff, she never confronted me about it. So at age 35 I was so depressed. Married to a wonderful woman who understood my intersexed condition and gender dysphoria, I had to change - I couldn't be 'him' anymore.

I suppose I got lucky in a weird way, in 2005 I was experiencing a lot of testicle pain. I saw a couple of doctors and eventually learned I was in a pre-cancerous stage of testicular cancer and lucky to have pain down there because not many guys are lucky. When they find out they have testicular cancer, it's too late - it's onset by then. I had the option to do chemo which I declined. I ALWAYS hated those 'male' parts especially since I wanted SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery) anyway. I told them to just remove them - which I did. I had an orchiectomy (testicle removal surgery) and psychologically, I feel so much better that a couple of the 'manhood' parts" are gone. To me that was the best part. Oh yeah, the chance for cancer to completely onset: gone. I barely have a 'twig' if you know what I mean, but a part of me still wants the final surgery - since I loathe this last manly part. To be a androgynous male with a vagina, is my dream.

So not having any testosterone in me these days is a god send. No more typical male sexual thoughts or sex drive. I've been on estrogen for years now and love it.

My wife actually stayed with me which shocked me. She says she'll love me no matter what I look like. So living for a few years 100% as a female, I loved it. But I hated to break her heart, because no matter how much she loved me, I know she missed her "husband".

The term people use when they transition genders in relation to 'blending in seamlessly into society" is "Passable" You know what I mean: you see some male to female people change genders and they look like a man-in-a-dress or some who actually look like supermodels and you would never know they were ever a guy. Well, I'm no supermodel as far as beauty goes, but I sure as the hell am "passable". In my mind, I wasn't. I always saw "him" in the mirror, no matter how long or what dose of estrogen I was on. But all my friends, family thought I was crazy - they said: "HE is dead. You don't look male anymore! Deal with it and be happy!" Like normal genetic women, men would randomly hit on me from time to time. It was creepy actually to be stared at, flirted with, hell - followed up and down supermarket aisles by some guy who wanted my number. Ugh, I feel sorry for genetic women now.

When it comes to sounding female, I have NO problem with doing the female voice. I feel lucky in that respect. I've always been able to do it. And when I say female voice, I sure the hell don't mean the falsetto Mickey Mouse voice. I mean honey, my voice is legit.

But I missed that "husband and wife" "dynamic" of a heterosexual couple for some reason. I didn't feel good making my wife seem like a lesbian when she wasn't. Seeing her pain and me always doubting if I was 'passable' made me change back and start living as a male again. I still take estrogen. No FREAKING WAY will I ever take testosterone - not happening. I did cut my hair though, which I regret. So I told her, I'll go back to living as a guy, but the redneck butch male crap will never happen again. Like some people say, I am the gayest looking guy you will ever meet. The best part? I get stared at and asked if I'm a guy or woman, but - I just don't give one flying poo what anyone thinks of me! To say that with confidence, to me, is a miracle.

I legally changed my name AND gender marker to a female name and (F) on all my documents which was AWESOME! People ask me if I'll change it back to male, and you know what? There is a part of me that doesn't want to. I think I love being a bit*ch. I'm somewhat bisexual, although in my heart I'm truly gay.

Holy god, this is the first time in my life I have ever actually said it! I'm, gay ! Too bad it's in type and not said verbally to someone. It feels GREAT to come out to strangers! LOL

I prefer men, but I love my wife - although were barely intimate these days. We always joke and say were a married Will & Grace.

Sorry where was I going with this? Oh yeah, gender definitely IS NOT black and white. If your gay, les, trans, bi, pansexual, trisexual, quadsexual, screw it: come to the realization in your head that it's OK to be different, love yourself for who YOU are and stop denying yourself happiness!

It felt to get that out !

Mikki

Nice to meet you too! I read your post earlier where you describe yourself. I thought the same thing: "OMG, someone like me!" Which honey... is as rare as the dodo bird! LOL.

It takes the act of god himself for me not to act flamey. I feel I am somewhere between flamey gay and normal girl. To play the husband role sometimes is hard as hell. If she dies, I don't know - maybe I'll just go back to living 100% as "her".

An idea, legally change your name and gender marker if you can!

It's SO hilarious to have to show ID to someone for something and them seeing my name, I get the funniest looks. Never had a rude comment - yet, but it's kinda cool to know someone knows im the ultimate b*itch: a 'guy' with a female name and gender marker. The ultimate bottom! HAHA

I'm not really flaming at all. Just very shy and gentle, actually. But I'm stoic and stubborn, too. I also don't do well in the traditional "male" or "female" roles, unless you count appearance. I would have been much more at home in Native American culture, where there existed roles for people like us. I would be very natural as a shaman and a liason between men and women of my tribe. Right now I almost feel as if there is no place for me in this world. Everyone tries to categorize me; even when their intuition tells them I'm not either.

I never wanted to change my gender marker, simply because I don't feel like a girl on the inside but now I'm thinking it would be useful for things such as getting married... but I don't know if I want to change my name to something female or not. Since I have a Japanese name, most people don't know the difference, anyway. I'm still thinking about all these things...

I feel you. It's the same with me now, people try to classify me in the M or F category and they can't. I think people around me are starting to realize there is a 3rd gender.

If my spouse and I ever do get divorced, my gender marker change will come in handy if (when) I marry mr. right. It doesn't matter what your genitals are as long as it says (F) if you are trying to marry a male.

I am the mom of a 15 yr old (born) daughter with Aspergers who has disclosed she (he) is transgendered. I have been struggling as this does not match the kiddo I have known (VERY femm!) and a part of me kept wondering if it was the ASD and not trans. It has been very helpful for me to read how you identify so I can better understand my child, thank you all for sharing
KittyLover please know that it is your parents struggle and not a reflection on you! It has taken almost 6 months for me to see that it was not a "phase" as it was a complete suprise. I just needed TIME and education. I found "The Trans Child" a VERY helpful place to start. Also, my kid says being Asperbergers makes it "easier" for her because she is MORE sure (due to intelligence and self awareness). So I guess I better get it together and start saying HE!! !!
Thanks again to everyone!

I have always been fascinated with transgender people, but I'm not transgender myself. I am the typical girly girl, but not in a superficial way.

I am a FtM transgender. I haven't transitioned yet, but I have every intention of doing so after getting the money saved up. I'm a bit afraid to actually do it, though, because I chose a career where people are known for being very homophobic/transphobic/sexist, etc. and I don't really know how people will react. Especially because I have research published under my given name so I'm never going to be able to completely bury the fact that I was born female.

Some of my friends know about it right now and are pretty okay with it, but I don't dare come out to my parents yet. I came out as a lesbian to my mom a few years ago and she didn't take it well and is still in denial about that, so I'm going to have a really hard time getting her to accept that I'm male, even though the people that I'm out to have all thought that it was pretty obvious.

I don't really care so much that I have a vagina, but having boobs completely bothers me because they stand out to me. I am fairly fortunate that I have a relatively small chest (somewhere between an A and a B cup) and I can hide them pretty well with just a sports bra and a couple of t-shirts, but they still bother me.

I am MTF French, and very desesperate. My search to find a good gender therapist is a failure.
Worse, I dont think they believe me. No friends to help me, and I really dont know about feminine clothes or manierisms.
It very annoying to be calling mister everyday. Life is very hard to me.