Is there any other non-binary people here?
floodwater
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 6 Aug 2017
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 30
Location: US (pacific northwest)
i was born with a hormonal condition (i'm intersex) .... never really wanted to play the pink or blue game. now i consider myself nonbinary and go by they/them pronouns and it's the most comfortable i've ever been.
there are as many intersex people as there are redheads. the "sex and gender are the same" mindset is so silly..... why not just let people do whatever they want with their gender? why are transgender and nonbinary people hurting you enough that you have to attack and alienate them?
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「 if you're going through hell, keep going. 」
OutsideView
Veteran
Joined: 4 Oct 2017
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,022
Location: England ^not male but apparently you can't change it
Hi! I'm nonbinary I'm not "out" to most people in real life mostly because I'm afraid of being called a special snowflake or a faker or something. It's a bummer not having your identity recognized, but there are supportive people in the world.
I don't see why people make such a fuss over being nonbinary, all it means is you're not a boy and you're not a girl. Gender is a construct of society anyways, in nature there's no certain colors or clothing that male/female animals are assigned to, it's all something humans made up.
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 154 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
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I'm non binary. I tend to lean towards the femme side of the spectrum, socially, and for the longest time I thought I was a transwoman because I have suffered from body dysphoria but the more I think about my own gender the less I feel like gender is actually a real tangible thing and the more I feel like it's social construct that was invented by humans. I tend to identify as agender these days. My pronouns are They or She.
I used to think, first maybe I am trans woman, then maybe I am non-binary, and now I think nilistically that there's not really gendered self. It's just a made-up human game where you won't ever be happy so I just reject all gendered meanings and if people want to gender me, I act like it doesn't make sense at all because it really doesn't. So, in this world, sometimes I don't "am" non-binary but I am being made this or that gender, sometimes non-binary too. I have even gone through some physical transition not-mere-aging but it's not like it has made me become anything but instead made my existence easier to cope with.
Androgynous female. I've never cared enough to identify as anything else. I come from a science based view on genders and sexes in that everyone is a mixture of both (on a hormonal level that determines the physical state) . Gender norms are societal and I don't care to conform to those, therefore I need no label, even a label that isn't a label. I understand body dysphoria amongst some in the Trans community (or at least I'm trying to) and I could see how the label would help in that regard. I'm trying to understand how someone could place such a matter of importance on their gender (physical, mental etc) and that's where I get stuck in trying to understand the Non-Binary label. Is it ingrained, physiological, societal? Or is it just something that's always been there?
It seems silly for anyone on the spectrum to condemn or poke fun of someone for not being able to "pick a gender". Isn't that why we're all here? Because we're autistic, meaning we can't just force ourselves into the mold? How is Non-Binary so different?
There really don't seem to be a lot of Non-Binary people around even though like someone else mentioned there used to be more. It seemed to be something common to those on the spectrum. Good luck finding some more to talk to . I made a non binary friend in person and am working on the gender neutral pronouns myself. Any advice is helpful.
-CC
@Nonsense: I also think it(gender) is essentially a made up game. If every male in a society were expected to wear skirts and women were expected to wear pants that would be the norm, and if a man in that society wore pants people would probably have some epithet for it that amounts to "fairy" or "queer" in our society and women in skirts would be similarly ridiculed.
@Onyxaxe: I have essentially given up on labels as well, particularly since labeling myself in conversation still requires an explanation to ensure that the other person hears MY meaning, and not some other meaning for the label I am using, and then they will make assumptions based on my self-label that may distract them from seeing who I really am.... but of course all words are labels of a sort, and it has been very difficult to express that I am actually not queer, non-gendered, traditionally male(I use the terms male and man and he), trans, non-binary or anything like that. I was born a male sexed child. I rejected traditional american male gender roles almost instinctively from the time I was very young on the basis that they seems limiting and no one could explain 'why' men and women have assigned behavior roles adequately. Now I see myself as a man(because I am) but any roles attached to that have been examined and chosen over time based on who I choose to be, rather than out of fear of breaking the mold. Women's clothing seems(on the whole) impractical and fragile and I can barely wash men's clothes without shrinking something... so I wear men's clothing because I prefer it in every way, and I put flowers in my hair when I feel so inclined, and cluck and fuss like a mother when the children in my life act out, or get scraped up. It's difficult to explain to the average american that I fill the male gender role in appearance because I happen to have chosen the clothes I like and the appearance I like and that happens to appear traditionally male, and many people don't know that is very different from wearing men's clothing without ever questioning it.
lol Such a simple thing to make such a fuss about. One thing I do not understand, and am not denouncing either, is surgery to match appearance to gender(or elective cosmetic surgery in general). I have never wanted another body, and even when I feel out of place I have a sense that this body was formed all around me to meet the needs of my spirit. I have never wanted to change it that I can recall, so I do struggle to grasp that desire to transform dramatically and physically. I've settled for just not judging what I do not understand. Also, I have tattoos, and that is a very permanent surgical cosmetic procedure, so maybe I can understand a bit....
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One eye opened slowly, green and gold as sunlight in the woods. The cat said,"I am what I am. I would tell you what you want to know if I could, for you have been kind to me. But I am a cat, and no cat anywhere ever gave anyone a straight answer."
@Onyxaxe: I have essentially given up on labels as well, particularly since labeling myself in conversation still requires an explanation to ensure that the other person hears MY meaning, and not some other meaning for the label I am using, and then they will make assumptions based on my self-label that may distract them from seeing who I really am.... but of course all words are labels of a sort, and it has been very difficult to express that I am actually not queer, non-gendered, traditionally male(I use the terms male and man and he), trans, non-binary or anything like that. I was born a male sexed child. I rejected traditional american male gender roles almost instinctively from the time I was very young on the basis that they seems limiting and no one could explain 'why' men and women have assigned behavior roles adequately. Now I see myself as a man(because I am) but any roles attached to that have been examined and chosen over time based on who I choose to be, rather than out of fear of breaking the mold. Women's clothing seems(on the whole) impractical and fragile and I can barely wash men's clothes without shrinking something... so I wear men's clothing because I prefer it in every way, and I put flowers in my hair when I feel so inclined, and cluck and fuss like a mother when the children in my life act out, or get scraped up. It's difficult to explain to the average american that I fill the male gender role in appearance because I happen to have chosen the clothes I like and the appearance I like and that happens to appear traditionally male, and many people don't know that is very different from wearing men's clothing without ever questioning it.
lol Such a simple thing to make such a fuss about. One thing I do not understand, and am not denouncing either, is surgery to match appearance to gender(or elective cosmetic surgery in general). I have never wanted another body, and even when I feel out of place I have a sense that this body was formed all around me to meet the needs of my spirit. I have never wanted to change it that I can recall, so I do struggle to grasp that desire to transform dramatically and physically. I've settled for just not judging what I do not understand. Also, I have tattoos, and that is a very permanent surgical cosmetic procedure, so maybe I can understand a bit....
That last part I totally agree with. It's truly different for everyone though and I've come to realize that I can't understand trans logic because I am not trans, just queer. To each their own and more power to everyone just trying to be happy without hurting anybody else. It is odd how society imposes such strict gender based ideals. Like you I was born to my obvious gender and dress that way because the clothes fit well. Tight T shirts and jeans. No need for dresses even though the tees and jeans are quite feminine looking, my butch ass in them is not lol. JK. Clothes are tools. Hair is just something that grows out of your head but we have these ideals ingrained into all of it. It's weird in this day and age from any origins to follow these ideals.
Love this thread
I've spoken about this before amongst NTs and was ridiculed for weeks. Sometimes when I dress up 'too femme' I feel like I'm in drag or a caricature of what a woman is meant to be like.
I do feel like Im intersex. Like the native American spiritual belief of being Two-Spirit or something similar.
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It has all happened before, it will probably happen again.
Nothing is new in the face of the Universe.
Hi! I'm NB, but significantly fluid towards being agender/genderless. I've seen the community's word to describe this as "genderflux" but I find it personally unnecessary/obscure, and (irrationally?) fear it'll be mocked or something like the microlabel trends on tumblr where people go too heavy with the Greek and Latin roots, so I don't use it in virtually any context.
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neurosis collector, noted anti-eating activist
I dont mind the microlables... They have a good place for trying to describe my experience to insiders who already understand what NB is etc...
I often joke though and tell people that "to the muggles I am genderqueer"... because I find that is sufficient to explain to someone who has never heard of all of our hundreds of different genders who I am and how to treat me with respect. It gives just enough notice "don't assume I want to be treated certain ways because of my gender, and don't expect me to behave as expected"
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Very high systematizing, low empathy, but moderate to high sympathy.
I do not experience cognitive dissonance reduction the way that other people do.
Professionally diagnosed in March 2018
I'm NB, though a more "specific" label is still unclear to me. I feel agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, demigirl at times. I guess the problem is that I look and dress totally like a woman. Everyone definitely views me as a woman. Sometimes I don't care, sometimes it bothers me a lot. I mostly just wish everyone would stop caring about gender labels and treat people as individuals, no need to assume anything because of how someone looks.
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 142 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 62 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
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