Gay Aspergers !

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I don't think this is offensive, I think this idea is quite true.

I think that in order for any person, AS or NT, straight or LGBT, to grow, the person must first have some kind of framework to start off from. We can only really learn and grow from our experiences if we have some sort of foundation to build off of. I think that for most NTs, this foundation is laid when the person is really really young. However, for many AS folks this foundation is established much later... and those folks who still haven't established it post here on WP, not really having a strong sense of right or wrong, being passive about everything, etc.. The thing I wanted to elaborate more about here, rather than in my previous post, was my belief that this foundation has big pluses and minuses when it comes to deriving one's identity from it (as sexuality was the "foundation" as described in the previous several posts).

The main pluses of the foundation is that it provides something to build off from, and enables a person to grow and gives the person a sense of identity. You can be more confident when you know who you are. You can understand yourself much more easily with a framework.

Nonetheless, there are at least a couple of dangers if the foundation is comprised of just one or only a few things:
1) The person's understanding and interpretation of the thing comprising the foundation (e.g. sexuality, ethnicity) must be very rigid. Otherwise not only will that person's philosophy towards that particular thing have some holes in it, the person's own identity will have holes as well.

2) The rigidity described in #1 can cause considerable difficulty in changing the person's philosophy towards the thing providing the identity, in cases when the person's philosophy is flawed in some way, or is causing the person to be unable to overcome certain problems in his or her life. When you apply a label on yourself, it becomes harder to look beyond it.

This would apply, whether we derive our identities from our sexuality, ethnicity, occupation, religion, neurology, or whatever. If we derive our identities from just one group, it leads to problems, as any perceived attack on that particular group is perceived as a personal attack on ourselves... even if the attack on that one group is justified.

I think it's really important to have role models; Jack from Will and Grace would be a cool and funny role model. But for me personally, while I've had quite a number of male role models in my life (especially from TV/movies like Indiana Jones, MacGyver, the Doctor, etc.), only one of them is LGBT: Jack Harkness (John Barrowman) of Doctor Who and Torchwood fame, and he is one of the most recent of my role models. The others were straight or "straight acting". Also, while I have seen many cases of "imitation as a coping mechanism" in other real life Aspies, I've never had to do it. I imitated and looked up to people because they had a trait that I particularly admired, even if I didn't already possess that trait or identify with the person overall at the time.

Yeah, I agree with sexuality being more of a social identity, rather than a driving force of social skills. Like I said when I first made friends with the girls in my school, I was interesting because I was openly gay and acted like the gay people on tv. Once we got past the first stage of friendship and I ran out of quotes from Will and Grace (lol I was so dumb) they turned on me. Immitation is definitely my biggest coping mechanism. I remember before I learned about AS I would think that I didn't really know what my true personality was, because it had just been borrowed from other people.

Anyways, the social skills came after the social identity was created. That's exactly what Stinkypuppy was saying about building a foundation and then going from there. It's a very good point.

It can be a bit depressing to think that you or I don't really know our "true" personalities, since they seem to be borrowed from other people. But in the end, I concluded that borrowing from other people is not such a bad thing after all. Why re-invent the wheel, when you see something in another person that you like? And also, if we borrow from enough people, then it becomes a lot more difficult to identify the sources of all the individual traits, so we eventually become very distinguishable from the people we imitated. It's at that point, combined with our own personal experiences that nobody else (not even our role models) had, that we find "ourselves".

For the record, I'm straight. I have AS. In a nutshell, I am friendly, sacrificial, trustworthy, and caring. Most people with AS are very open and honest.

I had a carpool to work. I lived like an hour from work, so yeah. It saved gas. My carpool Kevin, is gay. Hes a nice person, cool personality etc. He doesn't date much, but when he did, he told me about it. He told me the guys he's dated (3 so far in like a year) are very superficial. I guess they call those guys a *b***h. He said they are very shallow and do not want a relationship, etc. Kevin is a nice guy, hes pretty down to earth, a good buddy of mine. He talks about cars and stuff, and I'm sure he will find the right guy some day.

Put it this way, there are people like Kevin probably looking for a guy like you, honest, and a nice person to be around etc.

I agree with what Pirate says.... in the straight community where other factors such as how great their offspring might be, what friends think, what the greatest challenges for a mate are.....seem to be thrown away to some degree in the gay community. Ones that have been in it long enough probably get sick of dealing with the same BS from the stereotypical gay guy and may appreciate what a gay aspie has to offer.

Also I have to say, if played correctly, being a gay aspie can be an asset rather than a liability but that obviously all depends on how you play your cards

most gay guys i know want to have a real relationship. just the stereotpyical ones (which as with any stereotype, is the minority) let the rest of us down.

i cant see a guy every falling for me. i hardly ever speak, which i think is necessary for relationships.

What about talking with your eyes or eyebrows..

or body language..

hmmm couch talk


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New site www.gayaspie.com

You contradict yourself.

You say not everyone fits into stereotypes. Yet in your second statement you stereotype all guys as not having the stamina to be able to work on getting to know you.

I know you don't mean to do this. Your situation must be a tough one. But remember there are many guys out there who do have that stamina. You will meet someone, maybe online where you DO talk, and he will take the time and be patient with you.

There are many people who have the strength in them to do the kind of challenging things that require time, patience, understanding, an open mind, an open heart, effort etc. Not everyone is lazy and will run a mile the moment some work is required.

And don't underestimate yourself either. You are capable of coming out of yourself, and you could well surprise yourself. With the right person, the right environment, the right level of understanding and respect it could happen. Don't make the mistake of thinking that because you have a certain way of being, you will be like that forever, no matter what. Believe in your own ability to change and grow, and as a result, get what you want.

*hugs* it is not easy, but it is not impossible.

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Rikki

Heh Rikki, I started reading your response and was initially like "wow, harsh!" But continuing with the message, I could see that "you contradict yourself" was actually a very supportive comment. That totally rocks.

Thank you.

He contradicted his first statement (which is true), with his second statement (which is not true).

I was just helping him realise this.

TRUE
Many people don't fit the negative stereotypes.

NOT TRUE
There is no one in the world that would care enough to get to know him.

I hope this empowers him to realise that...

- despite how unfair life can be sometimes, it can also be wonderful because HE controls his life.
- And that despite how an unfair life can make him pessimistic... his pessimism is a biased untruth.

i concede that it is possible for it to happen (for more hilarious contradiction,read my signature and put it in context of what i said last )

but i still think the possibilty of meeting "the one" is highly unlikely for me. but thank you for your support.

*hugs*

forget about "The One".

Whoever came up with such a concept?????

You will meet people.

Somewhere in there will be decent people.

hmmm marriage is about compromise?

haha hmmmm

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Dig it be it join it www.gayaspie.com new raw friendly small

Yeah I'm AS and MTF Transsexual. It'd be nice if someone would do a bit more research into that link! I did find one thing online, and Expert in ASD and Gender Identity did some research and found that "the rate of autism spectrum disorders among children and adolescents with gender identity disorders was eight times what would be expected by in the general population." (http://www.pridesource.com/article.html?article=42913) Which is shocking and sorta comforting as well.

hi thanks for all the info i have just found out i am aspie bit late for me i am 51 had some good times had some bad times but to be honest i would not live this life again its too hard i love everyone around me thats the only reason i stay

Maybe unlikely, but still possible, especially given your age.
It's much easier at 20 than at 40...

<shameless flirt>
I LOVE a soft Irish accent
<flirt mode off>