Lesbian Aspies

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I'm what I can best describe as "mildly bisexual". I am attracted mostly to women but do experience occasional attraction towards men. However, I don't experience a romantic connection with men so I don't date them at all.

Another here too, well.. I identify as queer or pansexual, but it seems like a lot of women who've posted on this thread identify as something other than lesbian. Mostly I'm attracted to & prefer women though, & when I think about being in a relationship or meeting someone, it's a woman, not a man.

I've always found meeting women & initiating a relationship very difficult, it took over 10 years between when I first realised I was attracted to women, to when I had my first relationship with a woman, & I never felt I fitted in with other lesbians easily. I find groups difficult & am not a comfortable socialiser at all, & I when I have known groups of lesbians I've found them to be rather incestuous (everyone seems to have hooked up with everyone else at some point) & unwelcoming (at least towards me).

I went to a dinner party once, a number of years ago, with a mix of lesbians & trans men, & was made to feel very unwelcome & unliked by the lesbians at the dinner party, whereas the 3 trans men were welcoming, flirtatious & lovely towards me, at the time I had no idea I might be an Aspie, but clearly I have felt a sense of difference in myself & others seems to have picked up on that too.

I'm currently undiagnosed, but was recently assessed (I was told I was definitely on the spectrum) & should be being referred for diagnosis any time soon. I've been single for quite some time (8 years) & often feel quite hopeless about the chances of meeting someone, especially in light of realising I'm more than likely an Aspie.

I identified a lesbian until my then wife came out as trans but still living as a female but out to all if her friends. So now it seems unorthodox to be a lesbian with essentially a husband. I'm quite lucky that I never socialise in the real world so I don't have to label myself.

I've been with my girlfriend for over three years, she's Aspie and I'm NT. We have definitely had struggles, and we're still learning a lot about how to be together, but finding out she's autistic was honestly the best possible thing for our relationship, and learning to understand each other. So, to those of you who are feeling down or hopeless about not having a relationship, I just want you to know that there are many Aspie traits that I love and was drawn to in my girlfriend. I'm NT, but also just generally a dork and a weirdo and my girlfriend was the first person I ever seriously dated, when I was 21. If you don't fit into the weird social elite of your local queer scene, it's easy to feel like you're the wrong kind of queer somehow, but I promise you there's a lot more people like you on the fringes of that group than there are in the center of things.

I'm really new to this site (about an hour) and still looking through the forums, so I'd appreciate pointers towards threads geared towards NT partners, parents with aspergers, and long-term relationships in general. Thanks