Anyone with experience please post, we could all use advice

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frostbite
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19 Nov 2012, 7:39 pm

So lately I have been hanging out with a gay guy, and things are going pretty good. He is an NT as far as I know. He is a bit shy and reserved like me. He also isn't exactly normal by any means, which puts him above the typical boring NT in my books. He knows I am an aspie, which doesn't seem to bother him. We have both expressed interest in each other, but are taking time to get comfortable with each other before we try anything. I have dated two girls in the past and both those relationships were disasters. I was wondering if anyone with experience in this kind of relationship could post some advice to keep me from f*****g up a good thing. I am sure it would benefit me and anyone else reading this post if the more experienced would be so kind as to impart their wisdom. Thanks in advance to anyone who provides tips :)



redrobin62
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19 Nov 2012, 8:18 pm

It's interesting. I can look back in retrospect now and see how being an aspie was, at times, detrimental to my relationships. Maybe I should just speak for myself here. In the relationships I was in, you could say I was a jealous person. I suppose my love interests were my special interests, and in that regard, I protected them like crazy. The first relationship lasted 3 years but I didn't break that one up. Maybe I was possessive at times, but eventually his mother stepped in and forbade his from seeing me anymore. That was his official story. If I did mess up that relationship, I wouldn't have known as I was so wrapped up in it. The second one I purposely ended because I didn't understand how somebody could possibly me in love with a nobody like me. It was confusing, and because it was in the way of my music career, I quit him. I'm paying for it now. So, my advice? Go easy with the new guy. If it develops into a relationship, cool. Can you stop jealous feelings if they arise? I know it was hard for me, and its part of the reason I don't even bother with relationships anymore. Anyway, no matter how hard you try to make a relationship work, something comes along and challenges it. Frustrating, but at least you have the advantage of knowing aspieness can sometimes intrude in relationships and its something worth looking out for.



madamehussein
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25 Nov 2012, 9:18 am

My best advice would be to let it take time, don't rush into things you're not ready for. Don't push yourself into things you're not yet comfortable with. This has ruined A LOT of potential relationships for me...

Be as honest has you possibly can. Relationships are doomed without communication. If something bothers you (sex life, calling too often, whatever), TELL THE OTHER PERSON or it will only get worse...

I'm a bit tired and cynical myself, but I hope it works out for you guys!



visagrunt
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28 Nov 2012, 2:51 pm

I will echo madamehussein: communication is the single most important thing.

Since you are both shy and reserved, I suggest that you talk about creating a formal mechanism for communicating with each other. Set aside 15 minutes or half an hour, at the same time each week, to just talk about how you are feeling. It doesn't have to be about you or your relationship--it can be about anything at all. The important thing is to get yourselves into the habit not only of expressing how you feel to each other, but just as crucially, into the habit of listening to each other.


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frostbite
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28 Nov 2012, 3:07 pm

Well thanks to everyone who posted on this thread, but me and the other guy recently concluded that we are not compatible lol. At least we figured it out before it was too late. The advice was nice though so thanx to everyone who contributed. :)



visagrunt
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28 Nov 2012, 4:10 pm

Good for you.

I take the view that it is essential to keep trying with relationships. Many of them won't work, and you will certainly make mistakes. But so long as you learn from those mistakes and those relationships that don't work, you will be better equipped the next time.


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RaveMaster
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26 Dec 2012, 11:48 pm

Bro i am striate but i do know that bisexuality doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night