New to site : Question over Sexuality and behaviour.

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He may just be experimenting, perhaps to see if he feels like he fits in better done up as a girl than he does as a boy. We on the spectrum don't fit in, and this attempt to find a way to feel more like one fits in would not surprise me. I would sit with him though, and tell him nicely, that he shouldn't take other people's clothes, but that if he wants to try something like that you could get him a few pair. You also need to let him know that it isn't a good idea to wear them to school, as the other boys will give him a hard time if he does.

I myself am an asexual female. I have no interest in being either gender.

i fail to see how the cross dressing is problematic or how it is linked to sexuality... just let the kid be and let him experiment with gender. its just a social construct and he'll figure out how he fits into it himself. its ok for boys to wear dresses and makeup and stuff. the shrink might say this gender deviance is typical of the autism spectrum but its typical of NT kids too though most of the ones i know went through that at a much younger stage and were only stopped because their parents were paranoid theyd turn out gay or think they were girls. i dont know exactly what you mean by underwear with a hole in the front but if its what i think you mean then i'd peg it to kids these days being overly sexualised. if its not then i just have a dirty mind.

Just continue loving him, I guess. In my old house or neighbourhood he would've been beaten within an inch of his life for doing those things. (This comes from experience, by the way).

Aspies are notoriously nonjudgmental, non racist, nonhomophobic.
Wanna screw a kid up fast? Invade his privacy, which can lead to future insecurity about exploring even unrelated issues. (I'm not suggesting that you have or are screwing him up, please forgive me if I'm giving that impression)
Aspies think different.
I suggest to make a judgment quickly (on anything he does) if it isn't going to cause any real, rational, valid, immediate harm, let him run with it. Making an 'issue' can do as much, or often more, long term psycho-emotional harm than the original 'weirdness' does. Guide him -on any topic- so he doesn't embarrass himself in public.

Be strong.
Don't think about it at all, because if you do, any confusion, 'disgust', fear, or any other emotion will show somehow, somewhere, and he'll start to doubt/fear/hate himself or parts of himself. (Don't bother pretending that you can hide it, even the most amazing movie stars aren't that good and couldn't 'work' 24/7 anyhow.)

IMO the only thing you can do is to make him feel happy that he is himself, then he'll have the power and confidence to 'fix' anything he dislikes throughout his whole life. =)

*nnn

Awesome, you're obviously a very good person, amazing kudos to you. =)
It's likely not personal, your's was probably the only 'interesting' underthings available to him.

the future is not set, ever, you'll be fine, he'll be fine.
as fine as anyone else can expect for themselves, that is.

I don't see this as unusual behaviour on the part of a twelve year old boy who is entering the early stages of puberty.

I think you have taken the correct step in distinguishing the unacceptable aspects of his behaviour (going into your bedroom and taking your things) from those that are natural, if private.

nnn

If this is how you behave when your prejudices get challenged then why on earth did you come into this forum and ask this question?

You are one of the only people who can decide what good parenting steps are for each of your children, but to respond to someone's honest answer with, "Some great parenting that would be," is rude and disrespectful.

Perhaps you need a bit of parenting before you start looking for advice on your own parenting.

Behave like what exactly?

Truth is, his behaviour is worrying, thats why the psych doc sent him to this counselling. I am allowed to have my own opinion, sorry if it doesnt fit with yours but cross dressing is not 'typical' for anyone. It is unusual.

Am I not allowed to have feelings about this going on in my home with my underwear? . You are being judgmental in deciding how I have to parent. I dont need parenting thanks, I dont have any psycological problems much as you might like to hope.

Have a nice life

When did I ever suggest you weren't allowed to have your own opinion. Quite the contrary--I said that you were one of the only people who gets to make the call about what's good parenting for each of your children.

What I did state, explicitly, is that you were rude to people whose help you solicited.

We didn't ask you to come in here and ask for our opinion. And when it is offerred to you, you behaved disrespectfully.

I am not being judgemental about your parenting--I am being judgemental about your behaviour.