i'm going to kill myself

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Besides autistic issues, i'm a trans girl. There are no gender therapists where i live and i will never get the treatment that i need. Most people here get hormones in the black market. Changing your name is way more difficult than in the US, and nobody will hire somebody if she presents as a woman and her id card says Peter. Also, i think i won't be able to finish college.

Don't kill yourself, it will work out.

We're all a Genius, but if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree it will live it's entire life thinking that it is stupid - Albert E.

It's difficult to know what kind of advice to give, without knowing more about your circumstances.

If your college has counselling services available, these can be very valuable. You can consult them for help with depression and anxiety without going all the way to disclosing your gender identity, if that makes you feel more comfortable. There are approaches to managing depression and anxiety that can mitigate the problems until you feel that you are in a position to tackle the issue of gender identity with someone specialized in the area.

Finishing college should be the goal, in my view. A college diploma will give you greater access to employment and independence that will allow you to start dealing with your gender identity in a more constructive fashion. If you can get yourself that far, it may become easier to tackle the big issues.

You should concentrate hard on college, it's for your future. Also, since you're already in college you could plan to start grad school and fully transition during grad school.

I can tell you that academia tends to be very accepting of people who present themselves differently. If you study hard and get to do graduate studies, you're most likely to be accepted there. In universities, people judge you by your abilities rather than your look. This is pretty much the opposite of typical employers.

So going into grad school is a good place for transitioning, since :
-you won't get any risk of being fired
-you won't be judged much
-you get funding for being in grad school so you'll have the money to buy hormones
-you finish your transition during this time and end up a lot more passable and with a name change before going to your first job

Note: This surely doesn't apply to religious universities or departments...

I had a friend who changed her name legally when she was around 17. Her parents had to go to court with her, but it only took like a half hour, once the judge heard her case.

No matter what don't do it. Even if it means calling 1-800 numbers ---- DON'T DO iT.