How do gay men feel about virgins?

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I am homosexual yet I'm still a virgin and completely inexperienced with sex. I guess I'm one of those people who still believes you're only supposed to have sex with people you love, not have sex to see if you love somebody or just for pure phsyical pleasure.

Anyways I know when it comes to hetrosexual couples virginity is still something of value, especially for people who are serious about their relationship or they're just intrigued at the idea of teaching somebody who is completely inexperienced with sex. However I was wondering how do homosexuals view virginity? Is the idea of sleeping with somebody who's waited so long to have sex a big deal to them? It's just something I've always been curious about.

Well it's tough I was diagnosed later in life and I am still a virgin and that may never change because I just cant make the connection to anyone and I would now be considered tofu-(too old,fat,ugly) so I see that having any kind of sexual encounter will probably never happen for me so it will be an experience my peers will have experienced but not me no matter under what circumstances I may be waiting for-whether it be for lust,love or a test drive-it seems an unobtainable experience even though I have tried and I am not getting any younger and I wasn't born pretty and in perfect shape so I just must that person that will always be alone because other people need companions and partners and I am not worthy of such things.

It depends on the person, really. I was the same as you. If they're serious, they really wouldn't care either way though.

I agree with Zen--it depends entirely upon the individual.

That being said, however, I suspect that in general gay men are less likely to have issues about the virginity (or lack thereof) of their partners than straight men. Our society puts more of a premium on female virginity than it does on male virginity, meaning that there is likely to be less of an expectation of virginity among men, than between men and women.

The emphasis on virginity is mostly a religious thing. The Virgin Mary and all that. Purity, free from sin, etc. Gay people are going to hell anyways, so what do they need all that virginity moral crap for? At least that's my interpretation of why gay men don't care as much. Why worry about the values of a group that hates you? In fact, why not have lots of sex just to spite the Christians?

I think there's more to virginity then just the religous aspects. Restraining yourself from sex is a sociably responsible thing to do and shows that you have good morals because of the dangers of spreading sexually transmitted diseases like HIV and siphillis, and for hetrosexual couples it's a wise thing to do because it prevents you from having unwanted or unprepared pregnacies. The idea of choosing to have sex with only one person who you decide is your true love is a very symbolic thing to do in order to prove your love and doesn't always have to be related to religion. I'm sure even athiests like myself can see the value of waiting for the right time to have sex.

Anyways like everyone else has said I guess it does depend on the individuals, but the fact that the preassure to keep your virginity is placed higher on women then it is men must mean that most gay men don't really care about virginity.

As another atheist I agree with that analysis. I want to wait for the right person--one of the few romantic aspects of my personality. I'm not sure whether I'd want to be with a virgin though--although it would be romantic it might be good to be with someone with some experience.

Well when you truely love someone it shouldn't matter rather or not they're a virgin. However continuing to be a virgin and saving your first time for somebody you really love can be a good way to show your love and dedication to that person. However I understand that a lot of people perfer lovers with experience over those who are virgins, so virginity doesn't always work for everybody.

I was mainly referring to the origins of such thoughts. 2000 years ago, STD's were a form of divine justice and/or being possessed by demons. Sure, today there is much more to it than religion, but then, probably not so much.

Well said, GreySun369. I hope you find someone who shares your values.

I know this thread stopped about 2 years ago but I thought it was very interesting and I might be able to help.

I'm trying to be objective, but I as someone with Asperger's too, I am VERY sympathetic to the issues of connecting with people that my fellow LGBTI Aspies face.

I'm gay and a slut, but have also had successful monogamous relationships. Virginity is lost typically in 2 steps for gays, I first fooled around with a boy aged 14 (he was 16), but didn't have intercourse til age 21 (he was 26, and it just seemed like the right time). In the former case, I was just a horny school kid who invited my brother's gay friend over and the inevitable happened. In the latter case, I told the guy I was a "virgin" - I met him at a bar, it was a one night stand that turned into a three-day fling - and he was very patient and accommodating. We were able to cover a lot of very new territory for me and he wanted to keep going so I guess I wasn't doing anything wrong. I had never been the sort of person to wait for "love", but I definitely will be dedicated when in a loving relationship.

So, as a sexually experienced gay, I wouldn't really have time for someone who'd NEVER ever fooled around with anybody. Even straight guys who turned gay for the first time have been good to sleep with, despite having to be patient with them - they're keen to learn, keen to please, and they know about sensuality in general. But someone that hasn't really even touched another person naked and sexually could be a lot of hard work. Sometimes they freak out and tell you to stop, which is really annoying. Other times they just aren't good at it. This would be potentially worse the older you get, I know many Aspies are virgins over 30 or even 40, so maybe finding an "understanding" gay partner will get harder. The guys you might fall for might be sexually experienced and have high expectations, or they might think there's something strange about you for being a virgin. It is absolutely true that intense feelings/love will probably motivate a gay man to do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable; but it's also true that sex can be really enjoyable and it might be worth the discomfort and confusion of the intimacy, even if you're not both in love.

There are endless ways that NT people view sex, promiscuity, virginity etc. In Australia, there's plenty of guys who want to meet for a drink/date/chat and then might be willing to go home together or maybe book another date;… but there's also plenty who barely want to know your name and just spend 30 mins in bed then walk away; of course, there are some who insist on 3 or more dates before even kissing! - that's rare in my experience. Depending on what type of autistic person you are, one or the other approach might work best for you. Try to decide which, but also consider that other ways might work in your quest for romance and a sex life.

Whichever way you choose - you HAVE TO tell them you're a virgin well in advance, because it's simply a matter of respect and help to prepare them for the way you might act and react in bed. You also can see from their response whether it's a good idea to go to bed with them or not. You must hear them say that they don't mind, and they will be patient and respectful.

Good luck all!

I never could understand why there were so many posters on L&D who ridiculed virgins.
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only 25 more days 'til christmas!

I wouldn't be interested -- I like to play with a partner who knows what he's doing, not still pissing about. That said, some men make a collection of 'first editions' -- I'm sure if you advertised it on ebay, you'd fetch a good price!

Best of luck with wherever your adventures lead you.

Oh, if memory serves, there was an art student was going to lose his big V as part of his coursework -- you could always get in touch ... ;¬)

i have nothing against virgins. the less people somebody has had sex with, the less chance of a sexually transmited disease.

I doubt there is a predominant consensus on this among gay men. For me it has depended on where I was emotionally and sexually each time.

Sometimes I enjoyed introducing a virgin to gay sex. At times I have actually taught workshops on various forms of safe sex, and so I was comfortable taking on a somewhat instructional role. In addition to whatever enjoyment in the relationship I personally experienced, I took an altruistic satisfaction in doing what I could to ensure he got a fun and safe introduction to gay sex.

At other times, I just did not feel up to the emotional responsibility of being someone's "first time".

I quite agree. Those sticky fumblings, avoidings and outbreaks of emotional distress/withdrawal are long behind me now. Good luck to those who are still there, but not for me thanks. Been through it myself and wouldn't begrudge anyone else it, but I'll leave that for the group of gay men who are widely known as 'the initiators'.