Feelings for another guy

Post Reply New Topic

Now as a senior fixing to graduate high school, I can't help but think about what happened to me these past few years. I've come out as gay and have been accepted along with being on the spectrum. For me I was sexually abused by a family member in 8th grade, but then I met a guy named Bailey. He was in choir with me and one night he called me up and asked me if I had feelings for him. I told him that I did and he said he did too. Because of what was going on with my family, I became depressed almost staving and threaten to hurt myself. So over Christmas break I had to try and control my emotions because I later learned that it was all a setup. In 9th grade the next year, rumors were going around about him sending pics and flirting with other guys. By mistake I sent him a picture of myself that was kind of suggestive. Before I could explain it was a mistake, his cops/parents attempted to claim sexual harassment. Over the next week I was able to convince the school district to let me change schools. From that point until now i have been at this new school. This new school had a new resource class for those on the high functioning end of the spectrum. This class helped me, but then I met someone else, but they were on the spectrum like me. I told him I loved him, and he said I was borderline stalking him because I was attached to him. I thought of him as my only friend. It's been over a year or so since all of this happened but I don't have any one person I can call my friend. I've improved on not being as awkward, but I still get attached to others too easily, and I have trouble letting go.

Something I've noticed is that both of these situations involved guys that did not have the same feelings that I had. Both of them were basically just acquaintances that I trusted very much.

If anyone has any advice that would help. I can add more details if I need to.

Really sorry to hear about all this. I'm not LGBT, so I don't know if you want to hear from me. I just wanted to say that it sounds like it's been really difficult for you, and it's a shame that you've had to go through all of this.

I have heard of some ASD people tending to get attached to others very easily. But I think it's also common in younger people. I remember being very naive in high school, and having strong feelings for some guys that I barely knew. It wasn't really love or affection, but perhaps I was just overly enthusiastic about them and missed all the signs that they were jerks. I do remember that others besides me did tend to do similar things, so I don't think it's just an autism thing.

I'm thinking it maybe also has to do with the abuse that you endured. I've noticed that people who have experienced abuse sometimes seem to get attached to others easily and be clingy. Maybe it's to seek out positive feelings and to feel loved after having dealt with abuse.

I'm wondering if you are receiving counseling of some kind? The things that you are dealing with are all things that I would say can cause unusual amounts of stress. Teenagers in general are going through a lot of changes that can cause stress, then those with ASD have a lot of extra difficulties, being LGBT in today's society is often stressful, and on top of all that you were abused. That's an enormous amount of stressors. I really think that if you aren't getting some sort of counseling, that it would be really helpful for you to do so.

I have received therapy, but I felt like it wasn't right for me. I tried ABA therapy and talk therapy. I feel safe knowing the people who abused me are not a threat to anyone else.

I can understand that. But I mean therapy more as a means of support. Sort of to be like in the capacity of a friend or mentor. Someone that you could talk to about things that are going on in your life, who is knowledgeable about the issues you deal with, who is also reliable and can be counted on to keep your secrets. So basically someone just to give you advice and support instead of therapy in the traditional sense.

I think most people need somebody like that in their lives, but friends are often unreliable, untrustworthy, and give bad advice. And they also may not be particularly knowledgeable. Hopefully a therapist would be. Although I've had some bad ones.