Problem. Not sure what i am.

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Hello. I am confused. I have this trouble, that sex in the physical way sounds/seems violent to me. I dislike it when someone talks about it wanting to do it with ME, but it wont bother when others talk about it or do it themselves. I have more the need to connect to peole in emotional ways, cuddling, kissing perhaps, but no sex act. It instantly disturbs me. I have never been abused sexually as physically so i do not know why i am this way. But can i still consider my orientation lesbian/bi when i dislike sex, but i do like some women romatically alot and tend to have crush or fall in love and feel emotional torment not being with them? I don't feel that way for men. But i cannot say i never will, might be a horribly rare occasion.

What should i consider myself be? And i find it horribly difficult to find a mate who want's to share love without sex. Makes me feel bad and alone.

You might be asexual. Check out AVEN.

I figured that i do have sexual desire for women. But it's held back by fear of not being desireable. I was raised to feel shame and dirty about sex and such topics. I am going to educate myself and have some practise to break free from being scared.

There is a huge difference between sexuality and what have been known as "emotionality".
It's not uncommon for people who are confused about their sexuality to fall in love with persons of the same or opposite sex (depending on where your starting position are) without feeling "carnal" feelings. This is even more common with people who have a clear preference (people who are, to use a bad but servicable frase, at the 75% mark).
The less experience you have with the more uncertain part of your sexuality, the less comfortable you feel in an intimate setting.

The one thing you need to keep in mind is that there is a person out there that is feeling the same and is searching for you.

Sexuality and sexual behavior are two different things.

It is entirely possible for you to have a clear sexuality and sexual orientation, but to also have an aversion to sexual activity. If that is something that you want to change, then there are resources available to help you. What form those will take will depend very much on you, and the reasons for your aversion. It may be that a few sessions with a counsellor can help you get some perspective on yourself, and map out a self-help strategy. It may be that a sex therapist might be a better option.

But the most important thing to remember is that while your situation might be atypical, it is not abnormal. Everyone grows into their sexuality differently, and if you need a little bit of encouragement along the way, there's nothing at all wrong with that.