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Family issues?

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Sweetleaf
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19 May 2012, 9:19 pm

So this isn't so much about me...though I have to admit if I tell my family I'm Asexual I'd have to wonder how they'd react. But I have a friend who's a lesbian and right now she has a girlfriend. And she talks about all kinds of harassment from her family. The latest one is she finally cut off her long hair and got a pretty cute short hair-cut. And her grandmother who lives in her house with her and her mom told her to get the hell out because of her hair. It's just ridiculous...but yeah she tends to be pretty strong about it like she still lives her life and stand up for herself....but it just bothers me that people are so judgmental about such things.


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questor
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20 May 2012, 12:26 am

I am not a lesbian, but normally have my hair cut very short once or twice a year, as it's easier to take care of that way. I will do trims in between times, again because it's easier to care for and less messy when cut.

As for relatives, well, they have a right to their own point of view. Your friend has a a right to her own views, too. So she has a choice. she can conform to the family values and continue living there, or she can have a different set of values, and live elsewhere. You have the same right and the same choices. Just remember, those who own the house or pay the rent get to set the rules.

After spending most of my life living with relatives, I have now been living alone for the past 6 1/2 years, and alone is definitely better for me. I am also asexual, but never discuss this with anyone. I see no reason to bring it up, so it's not an issue. Why tell anyone? Why do you think they need to know? If you were going to partner with someone of either gender, they would eventually find out, so it would probably be a good idea for them to find out from you, but if you are just going to be single, then there is nothing to tell. If they do pressure you on dating and marriage, just brush them off with "I'm not ready yet", or "I haven't found the right person yet." It's basically true, but they don't need to know that you are not even looking. Why borrow trouble when you don't have to?

Anyway, have a good life! :D


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VMSmith
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20 May 2012, 3:45 am

questor wrote:
I am not a lesbian, but normally have my hair cut very short once or twice a year, as it's easier to take care of that way. I will do trims in between times, again because it's easier to care for and less messy when cut.

As for relatives, well, they have a right to their own point of view. Your friend has a a right to her own views, too. So she has a choice. she can conform to the family values and continue living there, or she can have a different set of values, and live elsewhere. You have the same right and the same choices. Just remember, those who own the house or pay the rent get to set the rules.


Anyway, have a good life! :D

i disagree. i dont think parents should be enforcing their rules on their kids. families should be run as a cooperative not as an authoritarian regime that the child has to submit to and give up their individuality for. not everyone has the ability to just leave if they are different. i wouldnt call bigotry a set of values.

op: good for your friend. its a shame her parents are so rigid. hair is such a trivial thing to go nuts about. mine are strict like that but at this stage in life they wouldnt kick me out over hair(partly because i dont live with them anymore...). they did always have issues with my gender expression that they'd express really um passionately but theyd only have kicked me out if they figured out im not straight or that im into building for and participating in marriage equality rallies.



Sweetleaf
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21 May 2012, 9:27 pm

questor wrote:
I am not a lesbian, but normally have my hair cut very short once or twice a year, as it's easier to take care of that way. I will do trims in between times, again because it's easier to care for and less messy when cut.

As for relatives, well, they have a right to their own point of view. Your friend has a a right to her own views, too. So she has a choice. she can conform to the family values and continue living there, or she can have a different set of values, and live elsewhere. You have the same right and the same choices. Just remember, those who own the house or pay the rent get to set the rules.

After spending most of my life living with relatives, I have now been living alone for the past 6 1/2 years, and alone is definitely better for me. I am also asexual, but never discuss this with anyone. I see no reason to bring it up, so it's not an issue. Why tell anyone? Why do you think they need to know? If you were going to partner with someone of either gender, they would eventually find out, so it would probably be a good idea for them to find out from you, but if you are just going to be single, then there is nothing to tell. If they do pressure you on dating and marriage, just brush them off with "I'm not ready yet", or "I haven't found the right person yet." It's basically true, but they don't need to know that you are not even looking. Why borrow trouble when you don't have to?

Anyway, have a good life! :D


I don't feel those who pay rent get to choose ones sexuality, that is going too far. One can set up rules such as required chores, paying rent, maybe no 'sleep overs'....but they have no right to what sexuality one has.


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