Questioning what my orientation is

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Let me explain the subject for a second.

For most of my teenage years and adult life, I assumed that I was gay. Basically, when I was younger, I was making myself available to many older men, who usually took me up on the offer. I felt like I was loved and accepted by at least some people during those days.

Now I am 33, and none of those guys want to spend time with anybody who is as old as I am now.

I have come to realize that my sexuality has been filtered through the abuse I went through when I was younger, and that I really do not have any clue when it comes to what my sexuality actually is.

That's the situation in just three short paragraphs.

I am questioning my sexual orientation at this point. How weird is that?

I don't think it's weird. I think it's smart to question your motives and feelings on aspects of life from time to time.

I think it's totally natural to question your sexuality, especially considering your earlier abuse. How could you not? I relate completely to what you are saying because my situation is very similar. I can never be sure to what extent my confused sexuality is a product of being abused, birth order ( the youngest of three boys), and perhaps even the Aspergers. Nowadays I prefer not to define myself at all in terms of sexuality. I'm just me and I feel I could be sexual with anyone if I loved them sufficiently.

It's fine to question your sexuality - I think it's quite normal, actually. I've never known someone to be entirely certain of their sexual orientation their entire lives.

I know it can be comforting to fit into a catch-all label, to know there is a word for what you are or how you feel. But labels don't have to bring you happiness. Allow yourself to really think and question this, and don't try to fit yourself into little boxes. Don't worry about "am I gay/straight/bisexual", and just allow yourself to wonder and feel.

That probably sounds terribly flowery and impractical, but it's what helped me with finding my own orientation.