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Heidi80
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25 Jun 2012, 7:14 am

Me and my girlfriend are both aspies. That means there are some communication problems, of course, but we always try to communicate with each other. In fact, we communicate better than any other aspie couple I know. But right now, I'm totally baffled. We both went to our families last weekend for midsummer's eve (big thing here in Scandinavia). I tried calling her a couple of times but she wouldn't answer. She did text me, but she only told me what she had been doing, nothing about why she didn't answer my calls/call me back. On saturday, when I asked her straight out why she couldn't talk to me, it became clear that her stepfather didn't approve of it. I had been drinking wine with dinner and was a bit tipsy, so I told her that it hurt me that she couldn't be open about our relationship to her mother and stepfather and that she still, at 31, let her stepfather decide who she can speak with. After that...nothing. No calls, no text messages, no facebook updates...nothing. I'm scared of loosing her. We both have mental health issues and I'm scared something has happened to her. I've tried texting and calling her multiple times and have even posted on her facebook wall (I'm not usually on facebook) but she hasn't responded to anything. This is not like her at all. It's gay pride week right now and she was supposed to come here today. She usually always lets me know if there have been change of plans and she can't come visit me when we've arranged for it. I'm starting to feel like a stalking control-freak girlfriend, but I'm just really scared. She's the most important person in my life. I can't eat or sleep. I really don't know what to do. Just give her space or continue to try communicating with her? How much is too much? I might be misstaken, but my instincts tell me something is very wrong right now :(



visagrunt
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25 Jun 2012, 10:27 am

Only you can know whether your instincts are a good guide for you or not.

After all, you know your girlfriend best, and if this behaviour is out of the ordinary, then it's perfectly natural for your instincts to suggest this to you.

But you also know your girlfriend's stepfather, and you know that your girlfriend has to negotiate the minefield of her relationships with you, her mother and her stepfather.

So even if her stepfather's interference is causing her to behave differently, that does not mean that his interference has caused her feelings to change. While it is extraordinarily difficult, I suggest that there is nothing to be done until you have the chance to see her and talk to her again. The you can discuss how this episode has made you feel, and the two of you can look for strategies about how to make sure that it does not happen the next time that she visits her family.


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