How to set realistic and healthy expectations?

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I came to realize that I never really wanted a boyfriend - I wanted a guy to come along, sweep me off my feet, take care of me, and give me a happily ever after life.

That is not going to happen. I'm 33 now, I'm physically unattractive, I really do not have anything that any other gay guy really wants. I want a loving paternal figure/mentor/lover, all in one, and that is not healthy for anybody involved.

Realizing that something like that is not going to happen realistically is really bringing me down. What can I say? It's the only kind of relationship that I ever thought would work out for me, but it's not going to work out for me at all.

I'll end this whiny post here. But I really do need to learn how to be in a real and healthy relationship with another man.

I think it's a mistake to assume that what you want out of a relationship is, "not healthy for anyone invovled."

A relationship is healthy if it meets the needs of the two people in it. What is a dysfunctional and unhealthy state for one couple, might well be a strong and healthy state for another couple. You can't really decide what works and what doesn't until you are talking to a romantic partner about what your relationship is (and isn't).

Now I think that you have made an important, positive step. You seem to have come to the realization that your expectations aren't realistic. So this seems to me to present an opportunity to revise your expectations. Instead of a paternal figure/mentor/lover, why not start first by looking for only one of these.

And don't make assumptions about your physical appearance. There are plenty of people who are not conventionally attractive who are in happy relationships with other people. You are just reaching the age where people begin to put aside childish notions about physical attractiveness and start to admit to themselves what really turns them on in a partner--and many recognize that this has much less to do with physical appearance than they might have otherwise suspected.

My recommendation is just get outside of your home and work on making friends. Start to pursue your interests with other people--male, female, gay, straight--it matters not. Once you start getting out in the world, the opportunities to find people your age who share your interest may well start to present opportunities for dating.

Don't sell yourself short dude. You seem like a nice guy.