Gender roles and gay relationships

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I have heard in most gay relationships there is one masculine and one feminine person, But in my experience my attraction has been one of submission but very masculine. For those on here that have been successful, how do gender roles work in your relationship? I'd want my boyfriend to be fatherly but I'd still be masculine.

I think it's just a view based on us being used to straight couples. I know many straight couples where the woman "wears the trousers" or is the breadwinner. It doesn't mean she's the "man" in the relationship, she's just the one who takes control or earns the most money or behaves in a certain way.

My boyfriend can be pretty camp when he's excited. I'm not very camp but have my moments (usually more "aspie camp") We've both been the breadwinner at times. I do the majority of the cleaning, but he does the washing..neither one of us is "the man in the relationship". It's inevitable that one of us will be the more masculine at times, because we're not the same person. Most of the time, I'd describe us as two bachelors living together who cuddle sometimes and argue like a married couple.

Interesting, I like that fluidity in theory. What do you mean by "aspie camp"?

Also, how does the romance work? Do you ask each other about the touching and what feels best or does it just kind of become known through body language eventually?

Yeah, we don't really have those roles either. I do the chores I like better and he does the chores he likes better. I am more the dominant partner in bed, but he is more socially aggressive, so he deals with other people more, while I'm quieter in those situations,so sometimes people assume that he is "the man". As for mannerisms, neither of us is a manly man, but he is more in line with stereotypes and I feel like I give more a quiet neighbor kid vibe.

I have rather little relationship experience but I've read that a lot of people sort of resent the "oh you're the man and he's the woman!" thing that gay couples get.

uh, no, I'm the man and he's also the man. that's kind of the point. chopsticks work just as well as fork and spoon, haha. I remember one girl in high school asking me if every single gay couple was made up of a drag queen and a leather bear (not that she knew those terms.) I was just like "oh honey..."

I would be astonished to see a hetero relationship in which partners were full consistent with perceived gender roles, let alone a gay relationship.

Gay relationships are their own creation, they are not copies of hetero relationships. In every successful relationship, gay, straight or otherwise, partners will figure out how to complement each others strengths. And if they fail to do that, their relationship will suffer as a result.

If doing the cooking puts me in a female gender role, but earning the larger salary and paying the mortgage puts me in a male gender role, then where am I? When it comes to "male" chores like taking out the trash and mowing the lawn, we split them. When it comes to "female" chores like laundry, we do as well.

When it comes to dusting, nobody does it. Until one of our parents' is going to visit. Then we both dust like mad things.

This "gender split" theory is an invention by straight people. They don't have a concept of what a same-sex relationship is like, so they map a heterosexual relationship onto it. In truth, this pattern can occur but usually doesn't. My partner and I are both normal men; not especially masculine with the sports and the beers and so on, but not feminine. I've also encountered gay male couples where both parties are camper than a row of tents, feminine lesbian couples... anything goes, really.

The same is true for straight relationships, of course, but stereotypes are very potent.

Aspie camp = I guess people with autism/aspergers are seen as gay a lot more often (in my experience anyway) whether that's due to mannerisms, guys not being all bravado etc. I think what's viewed as camp in my personality is just ASD.

We're not very romantic tbh. Cuddling is usually initiated through one of us announcing "Cuddle time!" and cuddling the dog together on the sofa! We'll spontaneously hug sometimes, and we kiss each other goodbye, but that's about the extent of us being romantic, and that suits us. The height of romance in our relationship is one of us buying the other one a takeaway.

Having been in several relationships and experienced a range of different personalities, that's my favourite kind of romance. Being whisked away to exotic destinations is very flattering but it causes a lot of disruption.

This is a common misconception. There are people who like to fit into those roles, but even those people can't really defined by any unifying trait (certainly not masculine or feminine). I've known plenty of lesbian couples where the more masculine-presenting of the two was actually the more romantically/sexually submissive.

And then there's the people who like bring a unique twist to gender and sexual roles (powerbottoms for instance).

Stereotypes exist for a reason, though when it comes to homosexuality, there are not that many that are considered flattering ones. Gays often feel they have to prove their masculinity, so many of us shun the feminine stereotypes like the plague. I've seen a few hulking muscle men whose wrists have gotten slacker with each drink they buy until they practically unhinge. They've worked hard for their masculinity boost, it's practically camouflage.

Both me and my boyfriend are pretty masculine, yet in the home, we have a chore split that falls very naturally to us. He's handy, so he fixes stuff. I'm better at cleaning and cooking. I'm gentle and enjoy some rather camp music. He's rougher, better at confrontations and more dominant than me in bed. If someone wanted to put labels on us, I'd be the woman and he'd be the man. We both want to be men, but though we care little for the labels, I understand why straight people need them. They've observed that gay couples often fall into somewhat similar roles as they have, so that gives them a way to fit us into their world.