I dont want to be Gay! help!

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Hello there.
I'm new to this forums, so I don't know what are you people talking about here. I just google-ed "How to change my sexual orientation" and found this website! Im not against Gays, no BY ALL THE MEANS, i just have my own plans for my life! Please I need your help!
Here is whats bothering me:
I think my mind has been dumped! When I was young (12), I remember i liked looking on female bodies and if nice girl passed down the street I was attracted by her. I remember I loved women! But at the age of 13 I had a "disaster". My 1st sexual act was with the male! I didn't realize what i was doing because I wanted mentally ready for this. This continued quite a time year or two At last when I moved to live in another place, I found that I was attracted by male and Only! My passion for girls and female gender as faded away and I cant help it now! I want to be a Husband of a female! I know my interest for girls is somewhere deep in my heart and brain but I cant reach it! I tried to have Sexual act with female twice but no success, even more it was discouraging and wracking for me to find that I'm completely helpless with females! So I decided not to try to have sexual act with female or male until i figure your whats happening to me! IF YOU CAN HELP ME PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO POST! PLEASE!


Also I can add that in my childhood I lacked relationship with my father! Because he wasnt with me when i grew up ! He left me when i was just six-year-old child, with a hope to create a better future for me and my brother and to work in London and earn some living for us! (I live in Georgia, Tbilisi)! I grew up in female surroundings ! I've read some boys seek male affection and connection because their lack of relationship with father or any male in this family! But now when I at last re-united with my parents at the age of 21 I think that I've had this "problem" far too long! I dont think this re-unison will help!

I wanted to be straight for ages. It just wasn't going to happen. I forced myself to have sex with a male 'f***buddy' (don't like that word) but it didn't succeed in making me forget about wanting women. In fact, it probably made things worse. I also broke my own heart by having serious romantic feelings for this guy who just wanted to have sex.

I go through phases of just not being interested in men. Even when I met my current boyfriend, I wasn't interested in men at all. I am into men (well, I'm into my boyfriend), now - but even now I still fantasise about women an awful lot. I just don't repress that side of me, any more. It's only recently that I've even started looking at men other than my boyfriend and finding them attractive again. For a long time, I was mostly attracted to women but I was in a straight relationship. It's a cliche to say this, and I don't think it's true for everyone, but sexuality isn't black and white for a lot of people.

Forcing yourself to go straight is only likely to backfire. The right girl might come along and you might get what you're looking for, but you have to stop looking so hard and trying to force things.

However, taking a break from sex and relationships until you work things out is quite a good idea.

With sexual orientation, it's not a matter of what you want to be, it's a matter of accepting what is and can't be changed.

forget the sexual orientation for now and get your issues sorted out. it,s good you stopped having sexual relationships for a little bit. you shouldn't be in relationship when you're insecure or emotionally immature. I've been there and been paying for it for most of my life. When you get your emotional/mental health sorted out go which way you feel inclined

But what if you just are?

So what?

Sometimes I don't want to be tall because it's difficult to find pants with long inseams or shirts with long arms, but there's about as much as I can do about that as I can about being gay.

It just is what it is and I am who & what I am.

In the words of a very close friend of mine, "I'm gay.. so what?"

I don't know if you are gay, or bi, or something else, or have an orientation that will evolve and change.. but whatever it is it is and there's nothing you can do about it just because you don't want it, sooooo whatever and whoever you are - in my opinion it's best to just accept and roll with in life vs. fight and stress and cause yourself all kinds of worries and anxieties.

You don't have to make any huge decisions right now. Take some time to get to know yourself. Really listen to your thoughts and don't feel bad for any of them. You don't have to be like anyone else, and society doesn't have to approve.

Sexuality and relationships fall on a broad spectrum going in multiple directions. Some guys think having a feminine side makes them less masculine, so they might suppress a lot of their emotions and don't have a lot of girl friends even though they like hanging out with them just as much. I'm a girl with a strong masculine side, who many people might call androgynous. I enjoy male company as much as female, but humans of all kinds fascinate me. Like you, I didn't have a strong bond with my parent of the same gender. I happen to like a guy with more of a feminine side. My gay brother didn't have a strong male figure either, as he was separated from his father when he was young.

Maybe someone has only tried heterosexual relationships, but they're not convinced they are straight because they've been sexually attracted to men before. If they are worried they can only really be one or the other, they might never try it out with a guy. The important thing is to know that you are no less of a man if you have had sex with a man. Some religions and cultures will tell you otherwise but they are misandric. Men in those cultures are afraid to discuss rape for fear they will lose their manhood, wives and the respect of the community. Sadly, foreign aid is almost exclusively sent to women, while many men lose their families as well as their health and dignity as a result of repeated rape in war torn countries.

In reality most people aren't 100% straight or gay. When you are trying to be what you think people expect, the real you is forced to hide until you are comfortable enough to let it out. This is insecurity. Everyone is at least a little insecure, but as every guy knows, extremely low confidence is one of the biggest turn-offs to women. I don't have to know the sexual past of the man I love, I just need to know that he's not ashamed of it and is comfortable with himself.

I wish I hadn't rushed into relationships just because I felt a strong sexual attraction to the person, mostly based on what peers had taught me to look for in a mate. Those always ended quickly and painfully. Then when I found someone I was more romantically attracted to, really loved, the sexual attraction took a little longer to build. People who typically feel this way might be called asexual or demisexual. Many of them frequent this website! It takes patience and communication for it to work but it's possible. Some people just have trouble initiating sex. If you're with someone you're comfortable with, it's hard to go wrong once you get going (: My sexuality has fluctuated over my lifetime. The culture I was raised in and the friends I chose have had a huge influence on it.

The only reservation I would have if I was a guy is that anal sex is painful and will do damage to your rectum. There's a good chance it will cause you bowel trouble down the road, the least of which would be chronic constipation. I've known a lot of gay couples where one guy was on the receiving end a lot more often, if not exclusively. This doesn't sit well with me. If I was in their situation, I'd compromise and engage in different sex acts. As a female I could go without intercourse but that doesn't mean I don't like to orgasm through other means! And who doesn't like a good blow job?

Yesterday I read about a Mormon boy (the religion of my younger days) who identifies as gay but wants a wife and kids because he's convinced that's God's plan. This is not a good reason to want a wife or kids. Honestly I don't think there's any good reason to procreate but that's for another discussion. Anyway, he married one of his best girl friends, who knew he was gay but wanted the same thing. They still have sex because they see it as a fundamental part of an intimate relationship. While this sends a controversial message to the gay community, people have been doing this for centuries.

do sexual orientations can really change like that? want that about what you really like and them following that?

otherwise maybe you are just bisexual which I guess is not that bad,if you are tired of one gender you can go to the other

To be entirely blunt, trying to change your sexual preferences is completely pointless. You either accept who and what you are or you make yourself miserable. That's it.

My personal experience is never that I wanted to be straight, I knew that I had no attraction to women, so instead I tried to be asexual. It wasn't really due to societal pressure or anything - I'm terrible at even beginning to interpret that - but due to pain. Physical pain. Ever heard of phimosis? It isn't a pleasant condition. I tried to make myself not be attracted to anything to prevent pain and, at the time, it was probably a good idea. After I had stopped suffering from phimosis however, I still had that conditioning in place. It took me a long time to get over that, but I felt much better about it when I stopped trying to pretend to be something I wasn't.

The idea of sexual orientation being changed is very much poorly researched pseudoscience that declares changes in behaviour to be changes in preference. It ignores that dating and having sex with men or women doesn't necessarily make that what you really want - it just beats that behaviour into you. I've only ever heard of this kind of sexuality changing culture in America. Over here, in the UK, we outright have had TV programs trying to understand the idea but ultimately just deriding it, and rightfully so.

Edit: Family relationships have no effect on sexuality either. I'd recommend reading this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_therapy - A great deal of this incorrect nonsense of what causes and what can change sexuality is based on Freudian psychology, which has long since been disproved. Freud is almost completely discredited. Modern psychology may exist because of Freud, but he has next to no credibility in it.

I can't imagine sexuality changing. Could it really? I have read some posts here and some stories elsewhere of ex-gay people. I was always thinking some of those people were just confused and others in denial (particularly those religious ones). Of course I am not those people and so can't decide for them how they are actually feeling inside.

As some have suggested here, I think you will likely only have low self-esteem, self-hatred and miserable life if you try to change your sexuality. So I suggest you not think much about it, not try to suppress how you feel and just be natural. And you just see how things will turn out. Being relaxed and happy is more important. Acceptance will make life easier.

You are a sexual being--it's part of the human condition. Not all of us are equally sexual--some have a very strong sex drive, others have a weak or non-existent one. Not all of us have the same sexual orientation. But at the end of the day, sex is something with which we all have some form of connection.

Current thinking suggests strongly that sexual orientation, and sex drive are strongly "hard wired." They are part of your neurophysiology, and your brain chemistry. That doesn't mean that they are fixed and immutable (sex drive changes with age, after all), but it is never as simple as, "I'm going to be attracted only to the opposite sex from now on." So the challenge for you, going forward, is to bring your sexual orientation, your sex drive and your conscious expectations into alignment.

I am not at all sure that what we can post here is going to be particularly helpful to you. Most us live in the West, in countries where we have ready access to the professional help of counsellors and psychologists to help us rationalize the conflicts between what we want from our lives and what our lives present to us.

If you were living in Canada, I would have no hesitation in suggesting that you ask your doctor for a referral to a counsellor who is experienced in sexual orientation issues. I simply do not know whether there are resources available to you in Georgia that can provide you with that same service in a non-judgemental, safe environment. I hope that there are.

And I don't want to be an Aspie!