I have huge issues with sex and gender

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I used to identify as bisexual, but recently, in the past two years,I have been extremely opposed to sex and gender. I even shaved my head, I've been binding my breasts, and starved myself so that I would be have an androgynous frame and be devoid of all sexuality. I'm female, but I don't really feel like a girl. I don't really know how to explain what "feeling like a girl" means, but I don't. But I also know that I'm not transgender because I don't feel anything like a guy either. I really don't have any desire for sex at all. I don't even masturbate or seek out relationships. It makes me extremely angry when anybody sexualizes me, even without malice (for example, asking me if I'm interested in anybody, asking me if I'm a lesbian, or slapping my butt). Every day I wear two shorts under my jeans along with my underwear, at least two shirts and a tank top over my binds. I guess I'm paranoid of getting molested or something lol... I don't really know why I am like this. I don't know if it's because of my aspergers or I have other emotional issues. I was never sexually abused when I was younger. By the way, I'm sixteen.

First of all, let's separate a few things out:

Your sex is what your body is
Your gender is how you see yourself/how you feel you're best placed in the world and society
Your sexual attraction is whether or not you feel sexual attraction
Your sexual orientation is who you're attracted to
You being pissed off at being sexually assaulted is human nature (and sexual assault/sexual harassment is not something you should stand for - slapping your butt and asking you inappropriate questions which make you feel uncomfortable included)

They're not necessarily linked, but might influence each other or your feelings about each other.


As to whether your feelings are linked to aspergers, it's hard to say. There have been links made to trans people, asexual people (those who desire no sexual interaction with other people) and gay people. I think it's generally accepted that there's a higher proportion of LGBT+ people who are autistic. But as far as I'm aware nothing's ever been conclusively proven.

I would advise just taking some time out from worrying about it. I know that's a lot easier said than done. Focus on the things that make you feel more comfortable. If binding makes you feel comfortable, then do it. If you don't want to masturbate, then don't. Don't worry about what that makes you or what others will think.

You don't say how long you've been feeling like this, and don't take this in a patronising way, but you're 16, you're still very young and even those who have these kinds of feelings at 40 or 50 years old still struggle massively with them. Over time things should become a bit easier to process. In the mean time keep writing. Write down what makes you happy, what makes you sad, anxious etc. It will help you piece things together.

I am trans myself but I don't really know what "feeling like a girl" or "feeling like a boy" means either, I can't really explain the 'why' of gender identity. You don't have to feel like a guy or a girl to be transgender though. Transgender is a spectrum covering people with all sorts of identities (or no gender identity) and all sorts of relationships with their body. Do you wish to hide your physical sex characteristics like breasts because you're repulsed by sexual activity or because those body parts just feel somehow wrong to you (or maybe both)? There are transgender people who are dysphoric about having a sex at all, and don't like certain aspects of their body without wanting the 'other' set of sex characteristics to replace them.