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billiscool
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13 Jan 2013, 7:07 pm

are there gay ''bottoms'' that are ''straight'' acting.
aren't gay ''bottoms'' usually femmy acting guys.
and ''tops'' are usually masculine acting guys?



FalsettoTesla
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13 Jan 2013, 7:47 pm

No, in short. Associating 'top' with masculinity and 'bottom' is a rather big mistake, because any one can be a top, or a bottom. Most people play around with both roles.

So, no.



Rorberyllium
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13 Jan 2013, 9:10 pm

Equating gender presentation or identity with sexual roles is just silly.

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FalsettoTesla
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13 Jan 2013, 9:13 pm

Buck Angel says, try again!

I think we should work on the FAQ to stop these posts from even being slightly excusable. :|



salem44dream
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13 Jan 2013, 10:00 pm

This is an important subject for gay male aspies, though ... at least it is for me. Because of my lack of sexual experience (two short relationships, and I'm 58 years old), I have no idea whether I'm a "bottom" or a "top." The experiences I did have were awkward and embarrassing, and not helpful at all in figuring out which "role" I prefer.



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13 Jan 2013, 10:22 pm

Salem, the answer to that is simple. If you like anal stimulation, you are a bottom or possibly enjoy both.

But as far as this topic goes...yes. It really just comes down to how people see themselves in relationships with people rather than who they are.

FalsettoTesla, what do you mean about this question being inexcusable?


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FalsettoTesla
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13 Jan 2013, 10:34 pm

salem44dream wrote:
This is an important subject for gay male aspies, though ... at least it is for me. Because of my lack of sexual experience (two short relationships, and I'm 58 years old), I have no idea whether I'm a "bottom" or a "top." The experiences I did have were awkward and embarrassing, and not helpful at all in figuring out which "role" I prefer.


You're right. I apologise if it seemed as if I was dismissing the entire topic offhand. I'm just a bit fed up with questions of things based on stereotyped assumptions, not just on this site from people on the spectrum, but from all sides. It's hitting me particularly hard because I've gone from a group of friends who are very not like this, to being seemingly surrounded by people (mostly irl) who think that because I have an alternative gender/sex preferences they have the right to ask about my genitals, my sexual habits, to have to justify my identity to complete strangers and casual acquaintances. I know that most people don't intend it to be hurtful, invasive and demeaning (although some do), but it really is.

However this thread is not the place for this particular discourse. Apologise again for the terse rudeness on my part, not just in this thread put to LGBT questions of late. That I've been having a rough time with this doesn't mean I should take it out on people asking questions when I have no idea of the motives.



auntblabby
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13 Jan 2013, 11:09 pm

in a better world, tops would be bottoms and bottoms would be tops, switching back and force even-steven.



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13 Jan 2013, 11:47 pm

And now, a word from our sponsors.

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Rorberyllium
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14 Jan 2013, 12:12 am

salem44dream wrote:
This is an important subject for gay male aspies, though ... at least it is for me. Because of my lack of sexual experience (two short relationships, and I'm 58 years old), I have no idea whether I'm a "bottom" or a "top." The experiences I did have were awkward and embarrassing, and not helpful at all in figuring out which "role" I prefer.


You don't have to fit into one category or the other. Both can be enjoyable experiences. Don't worry about so much about labels and just go with the flow and enjoy yourself.



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14 Jan 2013, 3:52 pm

FalsettoTesla wrote:
Buck Angel says, try again!

I think we should work on the FAQ to stop these posts from even being slightly excusable. :|


Just hold on a minute. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the question. If someone comes in here making statements like, "all bottoms are nelly queens," then yes, that's problematic posting behaviour. A person who comes in asking a disingenuous question for the purpose of trolling is equally problematic.

But there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking an honest question--even if everyone else in the room thinks that the answer is self-evident.

And for the record, the correct response to, "Can bottoms be masculine?" is: F**k, yeah! ;)


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salem44dream
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14 Jan 2013, 9:41 pm

Before I make any more comments, I'm just curious if this thread is searchable with google ... or is it private?



FalsettoTesla
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14 Jan 2013, 10:01 pm

visagrunt wrote:
FalsettoTesla wrote:
Buck Angel says, try again!

I think we should work on the FAQ to stop these posts from even being slightly excusable. :|


Just hold on a minute. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the question. If someone comes in here making statements like, "all bottoms are nelly queens," then yes, that's problematic posting behaviour. A person who comes in asking a disingenuous question for the purpose of trolling is equally problematic.

But there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking an honest question--even if everyone else in the room thinks that the answer is self-evident.

And for the record, the correct response to, "Can bottoms be masculine?" is: F**k, yeah! ;)


I already apologised, Visagrunt.



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15 Jan 2013, 2:59 am

I think a FAQ is an excellent idea either way. I nominate... all of us, to make one.


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visagrunt
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15 Jan 2013, 3:25 pm

FalsettoTesla wrote:
I already apologised, Visagrunt.


And I apologize, in turn, for my failure to notice that. I try to be careful about things like this, and I failed this time.

I hope that you are finding some support during the rough time that you've been going through.


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15 Jan 2013, 3:43 pm

salem44dream wrote:
Before I make any more comments, I'm just curious if this thread is searchable with google ... or is it private?
The Members Only Discussion forum and the Adult Autism Issues forum are not available to Google for searching - but the remainder of the site is.


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