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MightyMorphin
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30 Apr 2012, 2:49 pm

...It's hard to explain this to people, I'm fluid sexually.

I would happily sleep with a man, kiss a man, do all the things, but I could never love a man or be properly attracted to a man.

I suppose this comes from me having Borderline Personality Disorder, or maybe this is normal.

Anyone else like this, or am I on my own?



Joker
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30 Apr 2012, 3:15 pm

MightyMorphin wrote:
...It's hard to explain this to people, I'm fluid sexually.

I would happily sleep with a man, kiss a man, do all the things, but I could never love a man or be properly attracted to a man.

I suppose this comes from me having Borderline Personality Disorder, or maybe this is normal.

Anyone else like this, or am I on my own?


Yes I am the same way I could kiss a man and sleep with a man but could never date a man.



Hittheroadjack
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30 Apr 2012, 5:22 pm

Quote:
I would happily sleep with a man, kiss a man, do all the things, but I could never love a man or be properly attracted to a man.

I'm not like that, but I know there are plenty of people who are. Sometimes, romantic and sexual attraction are separate. That's why, online, you'll see people separating the two. Instead of a plain label like homosexual, people will identify as homoromantic and bisexual or whatever combination. But if you google things like that, I bet you'll find plenty of similar people.

Anyone, I'm not sure what you're talking about when you speak of being fluid sexually, if you were talking about what you talked about after that or something altogether different. It's probably not unheard of either. I've heard someone in articles putting forth the idea that females are often sexually fluid, their orientation not fixed. I don't know how accurate the idea is, but it might apply to me. Sometimes I really want a girlfriend, or boyfriend, or any gender friend and fairly often I'm just disinterested. There's a lot of other weirdness too, but part of it might just be my adolescent hormones.



TommyTomorrow
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30 Apr 2012, 5:26 pm

Some people have the notion that romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation.
So, you have four different options for each orientation:
hetero-
homo-
bi-
pan-
a-

Examples:
Biromantic bisexual:
Can have romantic love and sexual attraction towards both genders

Homoromantic bisexual:
Can fall in love with members of the same gender. Can have sexual attractions towards both genders

Panromantic asexual:
Can fall in love with members of either sex regardless of gender identity. Has little to no interest in sexual relations.

You can mix and match the above concepts to your heart's content.

So, Mightymorphin, you seem to have described yourself as a homoromantic bisexual.



TommyTomorrow
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30 Apr 2012, 5:40 pm

One problem with figuring out your romantic orientation when you're a kid could be that if you've never been in love, you might feel something, THINK it's love, and then be wrong.
After all, it's not like love is a color: red and blue make green, so you can kind of prove to yourself that you're looking at green.
Having a huge rush of chemical goodness go into your brain every time you see someone could be romantic love, but it could also be any number of other things.
It's also pretty hard to quantify how MUCH chemical goodness is going into your brain.
In retrospect, what I thought was 'in love' with somebody when I was in high school seems to me, now in my 30s, to have just been a crush.

I'm editing this post to add that I believe it's very much possible to be in love when you're young. Just because I was wrong doesn't mean that others in the same grade as I was who thought they were in love were wrong.



Hittheroadjack
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30 Apr 2012, 5:55 pm

Thanks TommyTomorrow. I think you explained it better than I did.



Bun
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30 Apr 2012, 6:02 pm

MightyMorphin wrote:
...It's hard to explain this to people, I'm fluid sexually.

I would happily sleep with a man, kiss a man, do all the things, but I could never love a man or be properly attracted to a man.

I suppose this comes from me having Borderline Personality Disorder, or maybe this is normal.

Anyone else like this, or am I on my own?

Don't think you should excuse or feel guilty about your sexuality. I don't see it as being disorderly.


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TommyTomorrow
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30 Apr 2012, 6:19 pm

Bun wrote:
MightyMorphin wrote:
...It's hard to explain this to people, I'm fluid sexually.

I would happily sleep with a man, kiss a man, do all the things, but I could never love a man or be properly attracted to a man.

I suppose this comes from me having Borderline Personality Disorder, or maybe this is normal.

Anyone else like this, or am I on my own?

Don't think you should excuse or feel guilty about your sexuality. I don't see it as being disorderly.


Going by definitions:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is [a] phenomenon that is characterized by intrinsic impulsivity. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, impulsivity may manifest in a variety of life areas, including sexual behavior, spending behavior, substance usage, driving, and eating.

I don't think it would cause you to be sexual attracted to people who you weren't sexually attracted to.
It might, however, increase the chances of you acting on sexual attraction when some others would choose to ignore sexual attraction.
For instance, it might incline you towards choosing to engage in relations when it's past your bedtime, which might hurt your performance at work or school the next day.
Nothing in the definition suggests that you'd be more likely for that after-hours sex to be with a particular gender.



Mayel
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01 May 2012, 2:12 pm

It sounds normal. As someone above said, you can divide attraction into a lot of branches (intellectual, romantic, aesthetic, physical, sexual,...etc.).
And then classify them by gender preference.
And people can have different preferences and they can even change over time for some people (which would mean they are "fluid").
As long as you don't feel uncomfortable by feeling the way you do, it's okay.


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MightyMorphin
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01 May 2012, 2:14 pm

Thanks guys :)



Butterflies
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01 May 2012, 5:29 pm

TommyTomorrow wrote:
Some people have the notion that romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation.
So, you have four different options for each orientation:
hetero-
homo-
bi-
pan-
a-

Examples:
Biromantic bisexual:
Can have romantic love and sexual attraction towards both genders

Homoromantic bisexual:
Can fall in love with members of the same gender. Can have sexual attractions towards both genders

Panromantic asexual:
Can fall in love with members of either sex regardless of gender identity. Has little to no interest in sexual relations.

You can mix and match the above concepts to your heart's content.

So, Mightymorphin, you seem to have described yourself as a homoromantic bisexual.


Thanks. That makes a lot of sense, and kinda explains what I am. I've always struggled to work out whether I'm gay or bi.

I'm a biromantic homosexual female.



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02 May 2012, 1:50 am

I have done all those things and I'm a lesbian.

But I understand why some would consider me bi.

I don't see what it has to do with BPD.

Someone (here?I can't remember) was saying that he identified as homosexual was but 95% gay. I really wanted to be bisexual and I thought I could make it work for a long time. I don't see anything wrong with experimenting.

I've never been physically attracted to a man either, and kissing is the worst part. The sex actually feels less personal than the kissing. But whatever, I tried it. If I had truly enjoyed it I'd probably be with a man today.


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TommyTomorrow
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02 May 2012, 10:29 am

Butterflies wrote:
TommyTomorrow wrote:
Some people have the notion that romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation.


Thanks. That makes a lot of sense, and kinda explains what I am. I've always struggled to work out whether I'm gay or bi.

I'm a biromantic homosexual female.


You're very welcome!
That stuff can be hard to work out, and those notions can be super-helpful to some people.
I'm very happy if I've been able to help you parse these things!



Deathsin
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26 Jan 2013, 9:31 pm

MightyMorphin wrote:
...It's hard to explain this to people, I'm fluid sexually.

I would happily sleep with a man, kiss a man, do all the things, but I could never love a man or be properly attracted to a man.

I suppose this comes from me having Borderline Personality Disorder, or maybe this is normal.

Anyone else like this, or am I on my own?


Your like me.
I can hug a man or kiss a man but not love a man and not have to close to a sexual encounter with a man.
I was debating over if i am bi but i don't really believe in a gray spot or i dont understand that side.
I came to the point not very long ago i may never know but it's possible i am close to being a lesbian.
Because i cannot love a man i can "Love a women" and some lesbians feel the same about men.
But then my mind says no im not i can't be sometimes rare but sometimes! i can love men too if it's very rare but its possible.
but then my freind told me something that she made a good pojnt on she said "People love who they love and that can change with anyone" But some people maybe not.
its all about you the person inside you. that you won't understand maybe ever. But its no big deal you are who you are you love who you end up loveing.



TommyTomorrow
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26 Jan 2013, 11:20 pm

On reflection, I think this might be more common than some of us think.
Men, and their bodies, are pleasant to many folks.
However, sexually and emotionally... men are selfish. And frequently deceptive and unfaithful.
Men's general crappiness is why I gave up men after college.



Yuugiri
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26 Jan 2013, 11:55 pm

TommyTomorrow wrote:
On reflection, I think this might be more common than some of us think.
Men, and their bodies, are pleasant to many folks.
However, sexually and emotionally... men are selfish. And frequently deceptive and unfaithful.
Men's general crappiness is why I gave up men after college.

The same can be (and has been many a time, much moreso than for men from my experience) said for women. I honestly don't find it very useful to make such generalizations, and instead, accept that there are a lot of different kinds people on this planet. Also, wouldn't it be just dandy if everyone was bisexual and no one cared to make cut and dry distinctions between a person based on an accident of birth?