Transition, Maybe

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Hi everyone.

I want to be a girl. I've known this from when I was 3-4 years old, but I'm terrified to tell anyone this. Posting here is probably the first time I have ever actually said anything about this side of me.

I am 34, and, as of lately, I have more and more wanted to change, to look the way I feel, or at least get closer. It scares me to try anything which would move me closer to doing this.

My biggest fear is that I will loose all my friends (I am not that good at making them), Certain (or all) of my family members will disown me, and I am 34 now and I fear going through with it and then never being able to truly pass, since I am older. I feel like I will have to choose to be happy, but alone, or hide this part of me, but still have my friends and family.

Do anyone else have any experience with this... was it worth it?

You may be making wrong projections about your friends and family rejecting you if you start changes. You say that you've never told anyone, so how would you know how they will react?

I am a straight NT woman who's squeamish about the idea of gender change in general. But if one of my dear friends or relatives started changing, rejecting them for that decision is not an approach I'd take. Changing gender is such a huge undertaking; I'd assume that any individual deciding upon that path has very strong reasons for doing it.

I'm not saying that I would endorse anyone's decision to change gender, but I would stand by any friend who has decided to do so. We don't need one another's endorsements for our major decisions; if we need to move forward in our lives, true friends will, at least, suspend judgement.

Any kind of change is change and not everyone in your life will like the new you. (And some folks are so adverse to any change, they will fall by the wayside.) But many folks may surprise you as to the voracity of their friendship. And if the new you is is a more congruent individual, you may well become an easier person to understand and like.

At 34 you cannot be a girl. If you substitute the word woman; is gender change still your wish? If not; you may need to look deeper.

I have no experience with this, but if your friends will reject you for revealing your true self, then I don't think they are friends worth having. As for your family ... that's a whole different ball game.

Your right, of course. "Girl" was a poor choice of a word. It was synonymous to "woman" in the context of knowing this from age 3-4.
Yes, in the now, I would like to be a Woman.

I am basing the fact that I would loose friends and family on the words that they use when speaking on the topic of gender.

Having them "fall by the wayside" is a problem for me. People say "friends who don't accept you for who you are aren't your friends", which I wish was that simple. This is, again, a choice for me - be happy and be alone, or hide this part of me and friends and family.

I hate to add a complication to it but this is something you may have to ask yourself especially when seeking treatment. Do you identify as female or do you just wish you were female? There is a difference. It's a question I've sruggled with. I knew it was one of those but I sometimes had doubts as to which one it was. What if I'm not female? What if I just want to be? If that were the case I would have been devestated.

You've got some reflection to do. You've already said you want to be female. Is that because you identify as female?

So how do you answer that? I can't really say yes or no to "do I identify as a female" because I don't know what that means.

It means, "Do you think of yourself as a female?"

Hmmmm... That's a really interesting question. I've never seen that distinction posed on any of my research.

I cannot outright say one or the other, perhaps that says something. When I turn that question around and ask myself if I think of myself as a Male, the answer is not is not clear. My best thought is that I think of myself as myself, and I don't really apply a gender to my internal thoughts of myself.

All right, then ... is there a reason you want to be a woman, then or do you just want to be a woman?

I have known that I wanted to be female since before I knew what the real differences were.
I've never felt comfortable as me. I have always looked in the mirror an thought that I was ugly - I have memories of thinking this for a long time (from before I was 8yrs). When I started getting hair and muscles, these feelings intensified

I don't really have a specific reason. I think I am a pretty logical person, but this is something I don't really have a logical explanation for.

Sometimes I wonder if I could just loose a whole lot of weight, shave all my body hair off, and that would make me happier.

What is this a distinction of... wanting vs. identifying? Different categories of gender? Transition vs. doing something else?

Hello this idea of feeling like any one gender confuses me also. I am anatomically a male but I can't say that I feel like a man or that I feel like woman either. I feel like myself, and I may do things that are sometimes considered feminine but I also do things generally considered masculine. It is very interesting. I don't want to personally change my gender through surgery or anything. I am happy as I am personally. Can anyone shed some light on what it feels like to be a man or a woman or whatever? It might help clarify some things. Thanks