Bi in hetero marriage

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Hello again all.

I'm a bisexual man in a monogamous heterosexual marriage but I still have urges.

What can I do to satiate these desires?

The other thread asking this among other this isn't getting much of a response.

Talk to your wife about it.

People will say this is bad advice but if you can't be honest with your partner then you shouldn't be married to them.

did I say I haven't?

I'm not bi, so I'm curious about how this works.

Say there was a straight man, Kevin, who liked both blondes and brunettes, but was married to a blonde. If Kevin told me that he couldn't get rid of his desire for a brunette, I would find it sort of strange.

Is it like that? Or is it a situation where they are two different types of desire, like hunger and thirst?

can I get someone who knows anything on the subject to reply, please?

If you don't know anything about it, feel free to read but try to refrain from replying.

Perhaps if you learned to not be so dismissive to people who are already trying to help, others might not be so reticent.
Saying "did I say I haven't?" in response to a suggestion, with no earlier suggestion of having done so or not, is snarky and out of order. Or do you really think people are telepathic?

In answer to your question:

Since you specifically refer to satiation, having sex with another man seems such an obvious answer I wonder why you're asking at all.

I would like to know this too.

If this is code for, "I want to hear from another bi guy about how he managed to have sex with men behind his wife's back," then I'm not sure this is the right forum to be asking that question. But, if your question is, "How do I raise the subject with my wife and have an adult conversation about this problem," then you are more likely to get a meaningful reply.

So how do you satiate these desires: If you are in a monogamous marriage and your spouse does not agree to open the marriage to other sexual activity, then the short answer is: You masturbate. In a closed relationship, that is the only sexual activity other than sex with your partner that is ethically open to you.

So if you actually want to have sex with men, and you still want to remain married to your wife, then you have only two options: First, you can negotiate with your wife to change the rules of your marriage. If the choice facing her is changing the rules of her marriage, or losing her marriage altogether, which is she likely to favour? Or, second, you can cheat.

The first option will probably require couple's counselling. The second will probably require divorce lawyers--or at a minimum mediation. So why not spare yourselves the grief and take the honourable course?

No, I'm not looking for someone else. I'm not looking for anything like that.

I'm beginning to feel this forum is like the genie - you have to be explicitly clear in what you're saying and what you want.

That is most assuredly so.

Given that most of the participants in this forum are on the spectrum, ambiguity can be the enemy of productive discussion.

Now that it is clear that you are not looking to "satiate these desires" through sexual activity, we are on much clearer territory.

If you are having difficulty coping with the conflict between your desires and your sex life, I suggest that you turn to some professionals for help. Your doctor should be able to give you the name of a good counsellor with whom you can start to talk through your difficulties, and, perhaps, narrow down their scope. It may be that simply having someone to talk to about your conflicts may help alleviate them.

Hunger and thirst might be a better metaphor for what's going on, although I like to think of it as cake and steak. Sweet and savory. Limiting yourself to sweet foods for too long can become cloying. Limiting to savory foods for too long can become bland. Men and women bring different things to the table, sexually. They light up different parts of the brain. The attraction feels and tastes different. You can scratch an itch on one part of your back for years but if you get an itch somewhere else on your back, it's very difficult to ignore it.

I suspect the OP did not discover his sexuality until he was married, and now he feels he's 'missed out' on part of his life. This is something straight and gay people can experience too. They can discover a patch of grass that looks very green in the middle of a long term committed relationship, and they have the same choice to make. Maybe their new crush pushes buttons their current partner doesn't. Maybe there's something emotionally there they can't get from the normal relationship. Perhaps there's a new feeling of passion. It doesn't matter.

I don't envy the OP's situation. I'm very glad I discovered and came to terms with my sexuality long before that stage, so I can preemptively seek out more open relationships, and not have to worry about taking a break from one sex for the rest of my life, or doing something stupid and hurting someone.

Declension, not everybody is like this particular situation; some bisexual people are perfectly happy with one sex forever. Others seem to need both, just as some people are not cut out for polyamory and some people are not cut out or monogamy.

OP, I suggest that you masturbate in multiple ways. I'm not currently dating anyone, but when I masturbate I masturbate about both males and females. It's weird to explain, but different parts of my body are more activated by males and different parts are more activated by females. You can also use different visualizations or porn (if you like porn) to help you.

Ok I'm not a guy but I am a bisexual woman in a monogamus heterosexual relationship with a guy (I came out to myself at 14, to my family at 19 and yes my partner knows and accepts me for who I am) and I see women that I think is attractive from time to time but because I don't plan to do anything about it I honestly don't see a reason to discuss it with anyone....it's just a thought/feeling and nothing more.

It's natural to have urges and whether you're straight, gay or bi is really irrelevant to that as those types of urges are perfect normal and natural for people regardless of sexual orientation and you really don't have to tell your wife that information if you don't plan on acting on those urges, the only time you should ever discuss this with your wife is if you meet someone who you find attractive and find yourself considering acting upon those urges....in that case she has every right to know but as you've said you're only looking for advice on how to control your urges and the only think you do there is ignore them or masturbate....seriously!

S