Advice ?
Basically I'm just looking for advice about a friend who I think may have a crush on me.
This may seem like I'm full of myself but I am just confused .Here are the details and please give me your opinion on what to do ?
I am a straight girl with Asperger's so I don't really get signals from people who like me but recently I think my best friend ( who's bi ) may have a crush on me. She is constantly asking for hugs ,like all the time and constantly call's me babe and hun . At the start it was only once in a while and I thought nothing of it but now every sentence she says ends or starts with a pet name . She frequently makes jokes about us as a couple but that's usually in a funny context with others around .
Case in point : the other day I was sitting down talking to friends and she came up behind me and hugged me and then kissed the side of my head . I made a light joke of it but I'm worried that I might be accidently giving her mixed signals or something.
I don't know if this is how friends act around each other all the time .I'm very comfortable around the friends that I do have and I don't want that to change. I would rather not bring this up with her as that would be extremely awkward.
What do ye think ? Am I just over analyzing this or does she like me more then a friend ? If so what should I do ? Thanks
If you're really concerned about it, then ask her directly. It's very difficult to tell whether people are being serious about this sort of thing, and the signals are just confusing. I'm sure that if she's a good friend then she'll be happy enough to explain it, whether it's serious or not.
I don't know how she feels, but she is being physically affectionate to you. The hug from behind/head kiss is not what friends generally do; family members and romantic partners are more likely to do that.
If you don't want to be identified as her romantic partner don't do this:
Laughing, giggling about it does give out mixed signals; if not outright encouragement.
When she does this, contradict her. The contradiction doesn't need to be elaborate; it can be as brief as saying; 'Not!' You don't have to come down hard; but consistently contradicting her jokes about being a couple should give her the message. Don't laugh, flat replies are OK.
I had a couple bi gal friends (some 20 or so years ago) who I never even imagined had a crush on me, even though they spent loads of time with me late at night practicing music, and even had me sleep over once where nothing sexual happened--but I never suspected it was because they were interested in me that way because I thought it was apparent we were just friends (!). It just wasn't on my radar. MANY years later I was told, Oh yeah--they were in love with you! I was like HUH? So perhaps I'm not the best to give advice here, but it is good that you are picking up signals and want to do the right thing. If you are good friends, you can simply ask her because you care about your friendship and don't want to lead her on in any way because you don't want to hurt her. She may appreciate your candor.
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
This.
As for her behaviour, chances are likely she has a more than a friend interest in you.. however, some people do just tend to act like that with their good friends. I know some people like that.
Heck, one of my friends and I hug nearly every time we meet/depart, but it's just a close friend thing & we're not a couple. It's just the way he is & I quite like it. But I'm certainly not that way with very many people at all.
Regardless, you'll have to just ask her for clarification - as well as clarify your level of interest in her as just being as a friend. It may turn out that she does have a crush on you, but is cool with just being friends if she truly values your friendship more than her crush on you.
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