lesbian and trying to connect with NT lesbians

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Hi

I'm a lesbian but have found it incredibly hard to connect with my past NT girlfriends when I've been in a relationship. I don't get their body language or the obsession with feelings or the need to hang out so much with family and the lesbian community. It feels like lesbians want ultra-touch feely and emotional partners, whereas I'm more like a guy in my head- practical, into technical and process-related stuff, active, not dominated by feelings. Have other lesbians had this sort of experience, any suggestions about 'connecting' with lesbians?
thanks

Hey! I think I know what you mean as I'm in the same situation. I don't get why NT girls need a really emotional partner either. My last partner was so frustrated with me all the time and the relationship was a disaster

Do you find there a lot I girls play mind games aswell?

I'm bi, but don't think it is likely I will find a female I am happy being in a relationship with, for the reasons you have stated. I think I look for similar qualities in both a male and a female, and those qualities are hard to find in a female. Sorry I don't have any answers, I think you just need to luck out and find someone who is like you. There's three people in this thread so far who feel the same way so surely there's someone in your neighbourhood...how do you find them? Beats me.

Mind games, uurrghhhh.

Thanks for your replies - yep my last relatoionship was a disaster, I couldn't do anything right, and there were lots of mind games from her. Totally turned me off emotional women. I really appreciate my down to earth male friends that I can talk to about interesting things. I enjoy being single and having control of my plans and my time, but don't like being totally alone...maybe I need an aspiegaydar!

I agree that it's a waiting game so to speak. NT girls like to mess with minds well in my experience anyways. And surprisingly it was a NT (straight) girl who pointed out to me what was going on.... Confusing much!

Hi. l am an NT lesbian.

in my somewhat limited experience with the lesbian community l would have to agree. l'm not sure why there is an overwhelming emphasis on traditional female qualities. l have my suspicions as to why but l won't go there.

Anyway, l actually am femme in appearance and that is what l'm attracted to but l also feel more male in my mind and would probably prefer a partner who thought the same way, although I DO like to cuddle.

l just have no desire to embrace the "womyn" scene or surround myself with a gaggle of females constantly so l do understand where your'e coming from.

Emotionally speaking, I think there are (at least) two sub-groups of aspies: the logical (often asperger as only diagnosis) and the emotional (often as-ad(h)d combies). Both me and my girlfriend are emotional aspies, which means we can connect on an emotional level and talk about our struggles with each other. We're very lovey-dovey but rately if ever play mind games. To the op; I'd suggest you'd try to find an aspie lover and see if you can connect better with her

I have these problems too. I have never responded to a post before, and usually stay away from talking to people online. That being said, I don't feel like I have many people in my life that think like me, and I guess I want to just talk to some people who are similar and make sense. So, here I am. Hello.

My girlfriend and I have major communication issues... as well as issues around my not wanting to cuddle, hang out all the time etc. These things have been problems in every one of my relationships.

Also, I find that when I date a girl, her friends always try to read into my behavior and then tell my girlfriend I don't seem to care, or appreciate her... blah blah. It's all frustrating.

I always felt that way about my ex-girlfriend's friends. They were always really boisterous and expected me to be the same. What kind of things do you and your girlfriend have a hard time communicating about? My partner is awesome and somehow we figured out a system of communication that works for us.

I can totally second you on that!
I am also femme in appearance but I definitely feel quite masculine in my mind, but I'm not trans, I like being a woman.
However I am wondering if this is conditioning from being the more assertive/dominant one in a relationship and equating this to masculinity because of the typical gender roles in society?

What do you think?

I totally get what you are saying...clinginess annoys me to no end and so does being highly emotional. I am both male and female in my mind, but I am alot more dominant than most people would believe. As my mother calls it, "iron hand with a velvet glove". Most people when they first meet me think I am a somewhat submissive femme, but I actually have a gentle approach to getting my way and am stubborn as a bull ox.
However mind games are a total turn off to me. If I wanted to date a rubik's cube, I would.

Jojo

Same here, I don't get along with most females. So frustrating!

They intimidate me because I think they're more likely to reject someone for having terrible social skills and being crap at conversation. The first girl I slept with dumped me soon after because I'm a "geek." She might have been put off that when we were hanging out together, I was reading through her entire collection of Dykes to Watch Out For that I found in her bag instead of talking to her at all. Oops.

I feel very much like an awkward teenage virgin boy around other girls unless they are a bit of a messed up loner too, or if they have a more masculine temperament.

I've found my experience as a lesbian with nt women quite variable. For starters not being family orientated and outright anit-social means that I'm ruled out by many as an ideal partner. Even though my communication skills can be hit and miss, I've found that a lot of lesbian nt women aren't neccesarily great in that department either. Often the more butch women seem less emotional/more masculine too. I personally find more masculine/boi-ish women attractive but find I am incredibly shy with a woman that I am drawn to. I like it when the other woman takes the lead because I am kind of cluelss, even at 40!!

Oh man, this captures my feelings exactly! It's so silly, because I have all the confidence in the world when flirting with men, but turn into a quivering mess at the mere thought of talking to a girl in that way. I found myself sitting on a couch with somebody I was interested in at a New Years party and was both too drunk and too anxious to even speak to her like a normal human being. I ended up fiddling with the sound system for 15 minutes like a dork while she just sat there.

I guess it comes down to never so much as having kissed a woman before, so the whole thing is an entirely new experience to me.

The first time I kissed a woman I was pretty drunk. I have always been quite blunt and to the point but the alcohol just made me lose my inhibitions. I think I just said upfront that I thought she was attractive and if she wanted to kiss me, to come find me in the bar. Which she did!! That being said I find it hard to read women or tell when they are interested in me so I still tend to just be forward.