Annoyingly Inconsistent/Ambiguous Parents?

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Hi guys. I'm a bisexual female 19-year-old, and I'm wondering if anyone else has had similar "coming out to family" experiences to mine. That is, my dad and stepmom (mostly my stepmom) would make gay jokes left and right. Still do, actually. They're also mellowly Christian. I distinctly remember being 12 or so, wondering if I was bisexual or lesbian, and when the topic came up with my stepmom, she was all, "Everyone's saying it's okay but it's not, it's a sin, what if I like killing people is that okay, blah blah blah." Then two years later when I came out to her, she didn't believe I really was, so much as she thought I was a confused hetero. She said that they still loved me and whatever, but she was really vague. At the time I was steeped in ex-gay resources I'd found online, being Christian at the time too, and I didn't know what she meant--maybe she expected me to be celibate, and/or try to change?--and didn't have the courage to ask. I never mentioned it to her again after that.

Then, when I was nearly 18, I tearfully came out to my dad as bi, and he said he didn't care. Buuut he still makes gay jokes. He told my stepmom, but she didn't say a single word about it to me until months later, when she was mad at me for something else. And then she had the nerve to say my fear of coming out to her was "bull****," because they "always wanted to discuss things."

Which I'm still REALLY mad about, honestly. I mean, if you're going to send mixed signals, fine, but at least a) own up to them when someone reacts to them in an appropriately confused fashion, and/or b) For the love of God, don't blame someone for being rightfully confused/afraid!

It seems like they just don't realize how muddled their ideas about LGBT issues are. Even now they're raising my brothers to be little homophobes, even though they know perfectly well I'm bi. It hurts, but I feel like it's not my place to say anything. Are anyone else's parents like this?

My father thinks I'm unpatriotic, treacherous scum, and that's manifested as aggressive rage rather than any form of humour. My lack of acceptance towards extreme political and social views isn't tolerated. So it's difficult to say which is worse - ambiguity or unmasked hostility. At least with a joke you are in a position where you can laugh at yourself. What do you refer to as homophobia exactly, regarding your mother and brothers?

Wow, that's terrible. I'm so sorry.

Well, I mean little things. Like my stepmom has frequently made offhand remarks that indicate she disapproves of homosexuality, i.e. comparing it to beating your children. "I really want to beat my children, but it's wrong, does that make it OK if I do it?" And saying things like, "It used to be acceptable to say 'f*g', because it meant you were doing something wrong, but now society's too PC," whatever. And with my brothers...it really isn't any worse than your run-of-the-mill schoolyard gay jokes, but it annoys me because my parents are directly FOSTERING it, knowing full well I'm bisexual.

Like I said before, it's not even the ambiguity that bothers me--a lot of people have muddled ideas about LGBT issues--so much as blaming ME for being confused by it.

My dad complains about 'poofs' on TV occasionally, despite knowing I'm gay and can hear through the entire house, but I get the general impression, and he has told me as such as well, that what he's actually talking about is acting camp rather than being gay, and that sexuality doesn't come into it. Whether that's true or not, I don't really care because he tends to have rather outdated opinions on stuff anyway. Being accepted for being gay by 60+ year old parents felt like enough of a relief, really.

I can relate to this somewhat. My parents are somewhat Christian. My dad doesn't like gay men but he honestly doesn't give a second though to lesbians. His attitude is, 'well I think women are hot, so I agree with lesbians'. My Mum is the other way round. She has the whole protective affection thing going on with gay men, but lesbians are unnatural and perverted. She has a track record of saying similar things to what your mum says. I think she's finally accepted that I'm bi, but she's avoiding having to think about it until I bring a girlfriend home. I still haven't done that at 26 because I've only ever managed to have short flings with women despite being more attracted to them than men. I reckon things will be awkward if I do get into a serious relationship with a woman but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I think she's mellowing with age, though. She said she doesn't mind as long as I'm happy, but I don't fully believe she's okay with it, yet.

Basically, you're still at an age where your parents think your sexuality is malleable and that you might change your mind. Being bi rather than straight out lesbian makes them assume that even more. It takes until you're in your late 20s sometimes for them to accept that it's not going to change.