How does a person with AS show that they like you?

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I really hope no one find my question to be shallow or offensive. I just want to learn more about AS and understand it as an NT since I'm quite new to this.

I'm openly gay and I met another guy this semester in my engineering math course at school who I believe has Asperger's. I noticed he is around me alot and would initiate small talk. He and I are now friends. However, the way he treats our friendship seems to go beyond friends and it seems as though he's looking for whatever reason he can to be next to me. He has also been quite cold and distant at times, and at other times, he doesn't realize he's overstepping boundaries with me. Mixed that in with many awkward moments. The truth is, I have developed strong feelings for him, but I'm not sure what his intentions are. I guess to draw back to my original question, how does a person with AS show that they like you? I don't want to misconstrue his over-friendliness to be something more, but even my friends tell me that guys don't show affection to other guys the way he's shown it to me, and I have to agree with them.

I hope for some clarity in this. Thanks.

I was going to make a joke and say that, for the next upcoming holiday, he's going to buy you a shower curtain of the Periodic Table of Elements which, in a subtle way, will show his love for you. But that's a little "out there." Then again, being "out there" is par for the course for an aspie, isn't it? Hopefully one of you two might gain the nerve to ask one another to come by their house to watch a movie or play a video game or study for a test or help cook dinner or...well, you get the message. If it's meant to happen, it will. Congratulations on your find, BTW.

Hi redrobin, your reply definitely made me smile. He's actually has asked me to study with him...and well...it didn't go very well. He didn't talk to me much, or try to get to know me. I was pretty much given the cold shoulder, or at least that's how I felt. I think to him it went well, because he wants to study again and get lunch this time. I'm not sure what to make of this?

sounds like he's an odd cookie, apart from the cold shoulder thing, did he act any different? my guess is that he's trying to not make things awkward but is failing in that by avoiding the obvious, lunch sounds more dateish though, almost like he's working up the courage to tell you he's gay, or likes you or etc.

My best guess is that he's gay and he's into you. And since he's a total Aspie, he gets anxious and has no idea how to communicate with you - hence the cold shoulder feeling you got. Chances are he sat there with his mind racing wondering what he should say or do & not doing anything for fear of making a mistake or pissing you off or embarrassing himself.. but since you didn't run or get mad, it was all good and he's asked to get together again because he's hoping he miiight just have the balls to talk to you on a more personal level if the timing and scenario is right and the opportunity presents itself.

Even IF he's not into you, chances are the cold shoulder wasn't intentional and would have something more to do with AS traits and social anxiety vs. intentionally being a dick to a friend. It comes across that way to you because you only see the outward sings/body language or lack thereof and have no idea what he's thinking. He might even be thinking "damn, I wish I wasn't so anxious I just completely freeze up and seem like I'm giving my friend the cold shoulder when I desperately wish I could just tell him what's on my mind," for all you know. Never assume anything.

What a bunch of waste of time games and miscommunications. If I were in your shoes, being comfortably Out etc, I'd just flat out ask him (in private) if he's maybe a little more interested in you than as just a classmate/study partner/friend.. if he doesn't freeze, chances are his Aspie tendency to be honest-to-a-fault will shine through and he'll respond and confirm, and feel very relieved that he didn't have to figure out how to say it or approach the subject. I think you'll save yourself a lot of wondering and potential anxiety etc just clearing the air over this, too.

Thanks everyone for the input. As of lately...well, I've gotten the cold shoulder a lot. He looks at me but doesn't approach me outside of class. Sometimes, he walks past me as if he doesn't know me. I have to admit, it does hurt a little when he does that. However, he suggested studying again...

I think he is just really nervous, which causes him to act weird/cold around you. I think you should be direct and tell him the kind of signals you are receiving from him. And then just tell him how you feel and ask how he really feels. The truth will be a relief for him as much as it is for you. Good luck

The walking past you without comment thing is probably down to one very simple thing - he didn't see you. I do this all the time, to the amusement and occasional irritation of friends and loved ones. I've lost my partner of ten years on several occasions in shops and the like! It's just that he's got something else on his mind, and he's focused on that and not aware of his surroundings. If you get his attention (in my case, calling my name usually works) he'll suddenly notice you there.

As for the cold shoulder thing - yes, that's probably just "no idea what to say". He's enjoying your company, he just doesn't know what to do with it. You may have to make the first move. I'd suggest the simplest approach might be to just ask him whether he's interested in you.

Thanks everyone for your advice. He's been sick so I haven't seen him in class. I texted him a get well message and told him I liked him. He hasn't responded in over 3 days . I don't think anything will come of this. Maybe he's still trying to figure out himself, but if anything at least I made a friend. I just hope I didn't scare him off.

Don't assume so.. he might be nervous and doesn't know how to reply, or perhaps he's quite sick and just isn't replying to anyone or anything, or classically AS/ADD he might have just kinda zoned out and forgot to reply.

Shoot him another text and ask him how he's doing.

Unfortunately, there's no single answer to this. Every Aspie is going to use different ways to attempt to express interest.

The way to solve this is, however, incredibly simple:

Ask him!

Talk. Exchange information. Communicate!! ! If he is incapable of initiating the conversation, then that job is going to fall to you. Tell him that you aren't sure how to understand him, and whether or not there's some interest there. Tell him whether or not his interest would be reciprocated. Give him the security to know that he can talk to you without risk.

Honestly. You young people make everything so complicated!

(As opposed to my generation who were, of course, perfectly gifted with all of the social graces and emerged from puberty as perfectly well-formed, mature, communicative, self-confident adults. )

I love how everyone here is giving me love and dating advice! haha thanks, I appreciate it. It's been 5 days since I texted him. He's usually pretty swift with his replies but not this time. I basically told him to get well, and ended the text with "I like you alot. I hope you feel the same". Not sure how much more obvious I can be....From what I've read on this board and in articles online, sexuality can be a huge challenge for a young person with AS. In the end, I just want him to be happy, with or without me.

Stop "beating around the bush."

Be direct and to the point the next time you have a moment together or you'll never reach a resolution.

Firstly, I'd have no clue how to make studying interactive. Unless it's by infodumping about the topic I'm studying to the other person, and that would only work if they're taking the same class because otherwise I'd feel guilty about distracting them.

And secondly:

http://abnormaldiversity.blogspot.ca/2012/05/aloof-affection.html