USA: I want to restructure the trans community

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The trans community is very "dog eat dog," very "if you can't provide for yourself, don't expect us to do anything except maybe lobby politicians in a futile manner." When I was having my breakdowns over not being able to get surgery and feeling powerless to change my situations (say, by changing jobs to a better one, moving to a better location, etc.) in order to get it, I don't think I had any support from the trans community. My parents even remarked, "Where's this trans community of yours? Can't you get any help from them?"

If a recent conversation on Reddit I had with the moderator of /r/trans is any indication, nope. The only thing they'll do for you is recommend you see a mental health professional, who will turn around and recommend you back to the tarns community.

I no longer go to the trans community, except for limited purposes online. Being stuck in a state of self-preservation, I'm in no position to make any change.

If, however, I can get to a state of self-actualization and get some money, I would want to create my own trans organizations with my own philosophy and work to better serve the trans community, then the current attitude of only working toward social or political change, not providing much in the way of direct support to actual members of the community (wanting instead to sit back and demand the political system do it).

I would want to provide actual hope.

EDIT: They're not particularly friendly when it comes to neurodiversity:

http://nataliereed84.tumblr.com/post/66 ... assumption

I would have to agree with you on this. The trans community is, to my eyes, exactly as you described it. Sad that.

I'd love to see it become a real community, because I have trans friends, and new people walk this path everyday, and I dream of a better world where no-one has to feel alone and without support or assistance.

Sami

The few trans-gendered people I know personally seem exactly like you described - petty, selfish, and unconcerned with anything but getting their own way - all without exception.

Show them that there is greater strength in unity, and you may achieve something.

How would I show them that?

Support them first.

I wonder how I can do that when just being around such groups tends to set me off emotionally. The big reason why I avoid them is to avoid the pain that locks me up.

I have to wonder if they might feel the same way about each other, and possibly you, as well.

Keep trying, and eventually you may have a "breakthrough" where transitionals suddenly realize that if even just a few help out each other one at a time, they can really make a difference.

Trans-ASD people are such a minority that we don't even get recognized by our own community. My local trans community has a webpage , however, there is no mention of trans/non-NT help on their website. They list many trans doctors and services, however, they list no services and doctors for trans / non-NT people.

I attended two trans meetings a while back, and I could not relate to the other trans people. They were older and into trans politics, trans science, trans news, and I do not care about those things. Also, my ASD means I don't relate to anyone, except my mom. I live alone with my mom, and it will probably always be this way. This makes me think I will commit suicide at some point.

Go for it. You can apply for grants for this type of thing. I'd look into it and start something yourself. How would you make it any different from other trans-communities? I know what you DON'T want it to look like..

You've got the best idea I've seen anyone come up with in a long time.

Sorry to go on a tangent, but feminism has gone that way, as well. It's all currently me me me and personal empowerment. Actual support for people experiencing oppression is thin on the ground. Even radical feminism has turned sour with anti-trans rhetoric. This is why I see myself as more of a Marxist feminist these days (though my exact ideas are more complex than that label,) I'm more about collective action than anything else.

Last edited by puddingmouse on 18 Nov 2013, 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Shiiit, don't kill yourself. We'll try to support you on here the best we can.

Well, I went to the group and it seemed no one needed help. Wait. I take that back. There was a trans man there who I knew previously that was thinking of staying with the woman I stayed with back in April and asked me about her. Beyond that, no request for help.

Some of the conversations were interesting, like we discussed the trans girl in Colorado and issues of bathroom/facilities access. Basically, our area sucks in that regard. I did have trouble getting my word in. But then things started degenerating into stupid stupid stupid. Like there was one conversation about learning language--Why? I don't know. LOL--and one person started to dominate the conversation about how if, like, your native language is English and you don't learn any other language as a child, then it would be impossible for you to ever become fluent in a language like Chinese. As I was hearing this, I was like stupid stupid stupid! Of course, I guess it depends on how you define fluency, but generally adults, except for people with, say, dementia, can learn vocabulary and syntax to native levels provided they engage very frequently with the language. There is some evidence of a lesser ability to learn pronunciation to a native level, but there are counterexamples to the idea that no adult can learn pronunciation to a native level; again for this frequency and amount of time engaging with the language seem to be very important variables. There are also children who when they learn a second language still maintain a thick accent. Anyone interested in this can read the works of Jim Flege on this matter, a respected linguist. Also, Vivian Cook helps provide some perspective to the idea of native-ness in second language acquisition. For examples of successful language learners, you can read up on people like Khatzumoto and Benny Lewis. I didn't bother bringing any of this up in group, because by the way the person was dominating the conversation, I thought it would just start a pointless pissing match.

Of course, ironically, while this conversation was occurring, I was reading this Japanese comic book:

http://www.amazon.co.jp/gp/product/4535 ... d_i=489986

I always have a Japanese book handy to read, so at least my ability to read Japanese stays sharp.

So I'm not sure how to attack this problem.

Thank you. I know people react with "don't do it!"

However, if/when I do it , then I will be happy for myself.

To help with the online debates over sex reassignment surgery, the ones that say that the person just needs counseling instead of the scapel, I was thinking of something. This Monday, I'm going to ask my psychologist these questions:

1.) Why hasn't therapy helped with my gender dysphoria, and why in fact has my gender dysphoria gotten worse?

2.) What else is available for fixing the gender dysphoria?

3.) Should I seek another psychologist to help with the gender dysphoria, specifically?

And so on and so forth. If he says something like surgery is needed to correct it, then I'll ask for his source. I will then use this information in such debates; with the presence of strong, credible sources, they wouldn't have much of a real argument against me.

It may also end up working to convince my company to cover it on our health plan.

It does suck doesn't it, like you're stagnating and not making any progress and may never make any progress? I feel for you, as I'm going through the same dang thing.

One of the problems with the trans community is that there isn't much in the way of solidarity, unfortunately. Trans groups seem to be little more than places to just shoot the breeze and maybe, at most, do political planning or planning for get-togethers that still don't help address feelings of abandonment and need.

I wouldn't say we're in a minority. Only other transgirl I know is also ASD. But she's pretty messed up in other ways.

But yeah, we do exist.

I do wonder if trans* people with ASDs are less likely to get help, and more likely to commit suicide. It seems established that people with ASDs are more likely to be transgendered, but given that most gender-variant people keep it under wraps or don't transition (the figure is 1/250 for frequency, and quite possibly higher - it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if we were wrong by a whole order of magnitude on the frequency of pretty much everything psychological, simply because no-one bothered to check), perhaps people with ASDs are simply more likely to go ahead and do what they need to?