Nomenclature: Partner vs. Wife vs. Girlfriend?

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Or equivalently, partner vs. husband vs. boyfriend.

I'm transgender, so I'm not really in the "gay community" per se. What is the preferred use of these terms?

I'm curious because I generally hear "partner" instead of "husband"/"wife" from gay people referring to their committed relationships. I once asked one member of a lesbian couple across the street how her wife was doing, and she corrected me with "partner". They own a house together and are raising children, which to me is definitely marriage, or I don't know what is. =) So I thought "wife".

Further muddying the waters is that I sometimes hear heterosexual people say "partner" to me their significant other.

Girlfriend/Boyfriend is for me a new relationship- So you are giving it a try and really do like each other, but you still need to meet each other, know more about your partner and so on. So as example as long as you dont know your boyfriend/grilfriend you are not giving up your flats, to live together, you separate your money... So you definitely like each other, but its too ealry to decide serious things.

A partner is for me a more deep relationship. So someone I know for years, or that decided to live together, have children... Partners are people, that are sure about each other, that dont think any longer if he/she is the right one.

Husband/wife is the same as before but simply official married.

If you have a partner, you probably don't care too much about the "official" distinction, so sometimes its just easier to refer to them as a husband/wife. And it's quite fun to confuse people with having different surnames when when your partner is introduced as your husband/wife.

Its especially fun when you, your partner, and the kids all have different surnames.

But, what the hell, it makes life interesting.

p.s. its fairly easy to understand why people from the gay community would prefer partner to husband/wife. Partner is non-sex determining, while husband/wife is.

I'm not an expert, but I don't think many gay people use the term husband/wife. Even in the countries where same-sex marriage is embraced it's still not common to come across a married gay couple, and people will not usually use husband/wife unless they are legally married, even if they are in a marriage-like relationship, so it's safer to assume "partner" is standard. If they want you to use another term they will tell you so and not expect you to know it.

As well as an issue of level of commitment (boyfriend/girlfriend being for a more casual relationship or one in its early stages and "partner" for long-term) I think there is a maturity association as well. I've noticed younger people tend to use boyfriend/girlfriend and older or more mature people tend to use "partner" more.

I definitely prefer partner because it doesn't imply gender or gender roles in a relationship.

I would only use the terms "husband" and "wife" for same-sex couples who are legally married.

Even in jurisdictions where same-sex marriage is not available, my choice would not be to borrow these terms whose nature implies the legal relationship. (And, of course, there is the political argument that you should not pretend that anything less than equal marriage is an acceptable substitute).

My partner and I have used "partner" for a couple of decades. (22 years and counting). It implies a deeper commitment than "boyfriend" and doesn't carry the terrible baggage of many of the alternatives that were kicking around in the 80's like, "longtime companion," or, "significant other." (Or, even worse, "sother").

Boyfriend or girlfriend I view as either a nascent relationship in which the two people have not yet made the decision to hold themselves out to the community as a family; or for the individuals who are the secondary relationships of people who are in open relationships.

"Partner" would seem to imply having rented a U-Haul.
But seriously, I personally have never known any gay people to use the term husband or wife, it has always been girlfriend or boyfriend at first, and partner to denote a level of commitment.

I wouldn't like to be called a wife. I wouldn't like to call anyone my wife.

Girlfriend is better. Beloved is much better (but probably it couldn't be used in formal communication).

If I were married, I would call him partner or husband, depending on what he preferred. Husband is kind of romantic... but I don't want to be called husband since I am third gender. I don't want to be called a "wife" either b/c that is just forcing gender stereotypes on me since I'm feminine and like to take care of the home. Those do not a female make!

I think we'd both refer to each other as partner!

I go with partner. That's what my civil partner and I call each other.

I very rarely hear lesbians use the term 'wife', although I do sometime hear gay men saying 'husband', sometimes playfully, sometimes seriously.

In general I don't think you can go far wrong with partner... It used to sound formal and unromantic to me, like a business agreement. But it certainly beats getting introduced as a girlfriend (unless you're young and it's a new relationship this kind of disrespects the depth of a committed relationship I feel) or the worst is just being introduced as someone's friend! Partner also avoids gender as stated by others, and also the roles attributed to men and women.

Each to their own, though, if I'm ever not sure... Just ask

yeah I go with partner as well.