I hope I'm not creating a big mess...

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Hi all,

I don't get on here much often at all, but I have an issue I can't talk about with my friends or family and I was hoping for some advice or ideas what to do...

I 'identify' as bisexual because, well, if I'm attracted to some women as well I can't be straight. I think only 2 friends and some anonymous people on the internet/in pubs etc know this and I told my dad once but he just said 'meh...it's just a label, just be you' and no one else has asked so I haven't felt the need to 'come out.' Also, I'd rather have a male partner just cause I want a family and all, and I find if you mention to guys you're bi they run away (well they do in my few cases anyway).

That aside, I have a lesbian friend who recently got in contact with me after not seeing her for about 7 years. We were never that close, we were friends of friends who were in a few classes together at school. Anyway, we're both into art so decided to catch up a couple of times just to keep back in contact, and she's having a few problems with her family and an ex and doesn't have a lot of friends around to talk to. So far, I've really enjoyed her company and we get on really well. I feel she understands me where a lot of people don't, especially not any guys I've ever dated. I don't feel like she's hanging out with me just because she might get sex but that she actually enjoys my company too. She used to like me at school, and I think she does now because she sends me texts a lot with 'x' at the end of them etc. Basically, I don't know what to do about it all for a number of reasons. I'm a very open person and often thought that if I found another girl who I was happy with then so be it, but I'm baulking because:

1. I don't want to date her then find out I don't really like girls, it was just the 'grass is greener' thing because my experience with guys has been so far pretty bad. I really don't want to hurt her because I have a lot of respect for her and I'd never forgive myself. I don't want to think I'm just using her or playing around with her because I'm not. I've told her I'm bi, and she knows all my exes have been guys and I've never actually dated a girl.

2. My 3 oldest and closest friends are Christians (well, 2 are very traditional Baptists and the other is just a bit, er, narrow minded) and they would most likely desert me or stop speaking to me if I ever dated a girl

3. My brother is a very very traditional Christian and he would definitely stop speaking to me or give me crap for the rest of my life. He is born again, so my mum who would also freak out but not as much (and would get over it after a while) would say I was just doing it to annoy him. My bro is the person I am the closest to in the world and I can't stand the idea of losing him. The religion thing is the only difference of opinion we have, and it's only been like this for about 5 years. Before this we were extremely close.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her or my friends and family, but I don't want to let pass what might be a really good partnership.

Cad

Reason number 1 is actually very thoughtful and considerate. Well done; many people are not able to step back and analyse things and think about others.

Numbers 2 and 3 should not ever prevent you from being yourself. I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but other people's beliefs should not be forced upon you, neither directly or indirectly (being afraid of backlash). If your mom really thinks you got into a lesbian relationship on purpose to annoy your brother, you'd have to sit down and have a conversation with her, explaining that you understand your brother's point of view, but YOU don't believe what HE believes, and you honestly have strong feelings for this girl. If you come from a sincere point of view then she will listen.

If your friends ditch you then they were never your friends anyway. They will never approve of anyone who doesn't live according to their personal Christian rules. It hurts, and I do understand, but you have to do what's right for you.

I guess that's the thing kouzoku, it's hard and scary thinking about possibly losing my other friends. You've given me something to think about, thank you.

You know, if your friends and family can't support you in a such important thing, they aren't very good friends. You should never have to be afraid of who you are. If your friends can't support you, you'll find other friends who can.

I personally agree with Heidi80 and kozoku - you need to be yourself. If your family and friends abandon you because of this, then don't necessarily care about you - they care about what they want you to be. You need to be yourself.

I think you should talk to your friend about it - your feelings, and your concerns. If you're open about it, you'll probably cause less hurt if something goes wrong, because she'll understand your point of view somewhat.

I told my mum and dad that something may arise between us (not my brother yet). Dad was fine and just told me not to rush into things, just see how things go and if something happens it does, but if it doesn't it doesn't. Mum was very worried though just because she doesn't want me to 'make the wrong decision' and get harassed by everyone in public and at work. Fair enough because I live in a very small country town in Australia in what is basically the bible belt of the state, and people are very narrow minded (they'd harass me if I was with an African or Asian man for instance...heck, all I had to do once to get a gang after me was walk down the street with a hat...) but I told her it doesn't worry me cause my town is stupid anyway. Mum basically didn't believe I was bi because once a rather "interesting" female housemate of mine tried to jump in my bed at midnight and I told her to go away, and mum said 'well, if you were actually gay you would've slept with Amy.' Facepalm..

Anyway, thanks for the support.

You're welcome. And I will facepalm along with you. *facepalm*.