Advice for getting the ladies

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Hey,

I'm an aggressive who likes to pursue girls rather than wait for them to pursue me. However, all my chasing has gotten me nowhere. I'm obviously doing it wrong. I'm very inexperienced, in my mid 20s and want to enjoy the sensual side of life (I am so behind had first kiss last year) but can't really get girls I'm into to go beyond friendship with me (if they even give that).

I've been told I'm very attractive by many including lesbians, but women don't usually do anything like hit on me or some other direct thing (unless intoxicated or much older women I'm not attracted to who sometimes have men in their lives. I'm not about taking advantage of girls. I never drink so it's not like "hey we were both drunk". I had my first kiss with an older woman but it sucked b/c I wasn't attracted to her). I don't do well with subtle so it just looks like women aren't interested (unless I'm not interested or they're already taken). Maybe women have expressed interest but I couldn't tell?

Does anyone have advice for me? Can anyone relate? Am I too aggressive? I'm a person who has very intense feelings. I see an attractive girl, hormones, impulse. Boom. I'm there talking to her (even if she's straight smh). Maybe that's too much.

What do you, particularly the femme girls, look for? What's hot? What's not? (Btw I act like a butch but dress rather gender neutral. Soft butch?) How do you become a ladies girl?

I can't relate to the aggressiveness. I'm quite shy; I was in a gay bar a few days ago and I couldn't even look at the girls I found attractive. I thought they would have thought I'm some sort of creepy s**t. So I was alone almost all night (I enjoyed the atmosphere, though. I had never been to that bar before and the experience was better than I expected). I think I could never make the first move. It would be terrible to be rejected.

I'm not very feminine, I'm not femme (I'm not butch either) and I don't know if I can give you any good advices but I know I wouldn't like to be hit on, at least not aggressively (well, maybe not at all. But that's just me). I don't know... maybe you should try some sort of alternative ways to approach interesting, attractive girls. I'm sometimes trying to just be their friends and avoid saying what I'm actually interested in.. that hasn't paid off so far, though. But no-one has ripped my heart out.

I can relate to being inexperienced. And that's probably because I'm so shy. I got my first kiss when I was 24 and like you, I wasn't really attracted to the girl I kissed (or who kissed me). There was some sort of hanky-panky too but otherwise I'm quite inexperienced. I would like to enjoy the sensual side of life too but it seems to be quite difficult.

Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker. And good luck!

I'm bisexual but if I was playing this game I would be called a femme. However, I don't like the butch/femme game. Women never really approach me and the ones I approach don't tend to like me back. I'm thinking of pretty much giving up on the gay scene and just hoping that one day I meet someone who likes me by chance. The odds are tiny because I don't socialise enough but the gay scene really isn't working for me. I am not fussy and don't have a type (especially not regarding butch/femme.) I honestly find most women attractive because compared to men, women are inherently physically attractive for me - even if they're fat and/or old. It's just a matter of finding one who actually likes me in that way.

I don't know whether I am more femme or butch, but I suspect more femme. I look for somebody who I'll be able to trust, who probably isn't playing me. Somebody who will respect my limits, somebody who finds me interesting as a person and not an over emphasis on my physical attributes. I like to be found attractive, but I like there to be something more to the attraction than physical.

I relate a lot to this. I'm engaged, so I haven't given up so much as stopped looking because I'm in an exclusive relationship, but whenever I get out of a relationship I think, "Okay, now only focus on girls because it is way to easy to get with a guy and that's not always what I want, and it's getting in the way" . . . and then another guy moves in for the kill (figuratively) and I . . . -sigh-

I am no good at approaching women. It would be nice to be approached so the dynamic is more familiar, since that is how it works when with guys, but I don't want to just cop out and be like, "Oh, no girls ever come up to me and try to flirt with me so it's never going to work."

Y'see I would love for once a girl who found me physically sexy as hell.

I've realised I'm poly, anyway - which actually lowers my chances with a lot of people. Guys don't move in for the kill with me straight away, but I have managed to find a male FWB without looking (even if he does live in a different city.) The things is, I never meet men in bars or on dating websites like I do with women. It's always male friends. I'm stuck with the gay scene with women because it's the only way of knowing if a girl actually likes other girls. But the gay scene doesn't really suit my aspietastic personality because I'm awkward in bars and awkward on dates (and dates make up their mind kind of too quickly before they get to know you.)

I fell in love with a straight girl once and obviously, that didn't go anywhere. She's my best friend still, though. Actually, something like my soulmate - but just can't have a sexual relationship with her.

There's this woman at work who I like but I dunno if she likes girls or not (she has had a boyfriend but she's split up now) - obviously, I don't suspect out of nowhere that she might be bi - it's from some of the things she's said and the fact that she seems to like me. Don't know if she likes me in that way though. I'll have to actually come out to her though some casual reference and see what she says - rather than ask 'btw u swing both wayz, lol?' I think if I'm gonna meet a girl and have a relationship, it'll have to organically happen through knowing them as friends. The odds are small because even though a lot of women are bi-curious, actually being with a girl doesn't occur to a lot of them. Doing it this way requires no small amount of bravery.

This is all uncomfortable for me.

I had a frustrating experience with a bi-curious girl because I tried to woo her and she neither accepted nor rejected me, she just treated it like a game. My feelings were rather hurt.

I suspect I'm probably poly since I don't mind in the least if somebody doesn't fit into the gender binary, particularly since I myself do not. Androgyny can be even more attractive to me. I've identified as bi for so long, though, it just seems simpler to keep saying that, especially since I don't have to explain what it is most of the time.

In my ex marriage I actually fell in love with my sister-in-law, who is straight. I think she was rather oblivious to it, which is for the best. So there are two reasons not to pursue her: she is a former in law, and she is straight. My heart still aches for her sometimes, though. It is bittersweet.

^ I meant polyamorous, but pansexual/polysexual could apply to me (only really had one crush on a trans person, though.)

As for the sister-in-law thing...dayyum that's hard. Makes work colleagues and best friends look like easy people to crush on. Also, you sound like you have much more experience than me. I've never been married although I was close to getting engaged to my ex.

same with me.lol

hey,alot of us guys have the same problem. good luck.

Tomboy-Femme, here.

My advice:
Take a step back. There's a time and place to be "aggressive" and if you act too soon, you run the risk of showing you're inexperience (aka: desperate). If you want to enjoy the "sensual side of life" approach your next woman with sensuality. If you're impulsive - BOOM - not a respectful way to "pick up chicks".

I'm not so much the aggressor but I can be in my own right. What attracts me is confidence - or when a woman sneaks a peek in my direction, repeatedly. If I catch her accidentally "checking me out", it's a plus. The sound of her voice, even when she's not saying much.

If you're looking for body language - she's interested if you catch her eye and she looks away.. but then looks back again. If she smiles, bingo. Approach. A girl wants someone who is seductive, attentive and mysterious. That flirtatious eye gets me all the time!

Thanks yall.