Spending all day in bed crying or sleeping

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Often lately, I've spent entire days in bed just crying or sleeping. My depression from gender dysphoria is pretty severe. I feel no motivation to get up and do anything - I just want to lie there and cry, and eventually cry myself to sleep. I'll end up sleeping in the middle of the day, and then at night, I'll sleep again as per a normal bedtime.

This seems like it's very unhealthy, both physically and mentally. I don't know what to do about it, though, because I'm just too depressed to move. I don't want to live anymore, so I don't care about getting out of bed.

I slept through New Year. I got home from a depressing vacation yesterday and just cried, and fell asleep until 2014. My cat was so happy that I was home, and cuddled with me pretty much the whole time. She uses me as her heated pillow.

Only things like work and outside appointments really get me out of bed. But I'm suffering at work, too - it's hard to work when you just don't value your own life anymore.

My therapist tries to help me to accept the things in my life that I can't change, but those are the things that give me the most pain - things like my height (6'3" / 190 cm), feet size (U.S. men's 15) and how low my voice is. I don't think that her strategy is going to work. I just want to die, but don't have the courage to kill myself. I wish I lived in Belgium, where they have that assisted suicide program.

I have nobody to talk to about this besides my therapist and anonymous / pseudonymous forums like this one. My friends don't want to hear about me wishing myself dead, and my parents refuse to acknowledge my transgender feelings.

My mom asked me today what my New Year's resolution was, and I answered truthfully, to not live to see the next year. She asked whether this was new, and I said no; it was also my resolution of 2012 and 2013.

That describes most of my life. I would lie on the couch or in bed, and pass existence away. My dream world was better than reality, so I liked to sleep a lot.

You have been taking estrogen for six to seven years? So, you are semi-passing in your face now ? Doesn't semi-passibility bring you some comfort?

Can you identify the specific negative thoughts you have ? You want to be passable, and this is the cause of your distress ? You want to wear pretty clothes and your size is too large ? You see the large physical size of your body and this generates GD because you know it is not right ?

I don't mean to belittle your pain. GD varies in people. For example, I cannot relate to others that feel intense distress about SRS.

My autism and/or brain damage means I have no interest in woman's clothes or even men's clothes, or really doing anything that would have me classified as female. I wear large t-shirts and sweat pants everyday. I could never "pass" in steath because of autism. Once I starting working from home four years ago, I see only my mom, and possibly a clerk at a store. Most weeks I only speak about 1 hour/week.

My dysphoria is primarily from what I look like. I've been on hormones for five and a half years, and have had my facial hair fried off, but my face still looks male. I don't dress in women's clothes at all because they don't fit and because if I see myself I look like a guy in drag and start crying.

I want SRS, but I don't have severe genital dysphoria, so I can relate to not relating about such distress. I want "it" gone, but getting rid of "it" takes a back seat to my stronger triggering issues.

I don't have any GD, other an awareness that the brain is mapped to know that my penis does not belong there.

I am surprised your face still looks male. Nine years ago I did six months of full-HRT and I the fat redistrtubuted on my face, and made me look somwhere between female and strange.

I get deep depression when I think about my life too much. I think I lost out on my life. I want to kill myself too, well I think about it a lot. I read about the euthanasia in Europe and what is required. I don't know if they would take us because one is suppose to show "incurable". I think about being dead everyday.

I fixed my GD so life should be happy now ? My autism/brain damage plus life of being a non-person is too much it seems. I reassure myself, "don't worry about X, you will be dead and everything will be OK".

People always say, "Oh you are so smart". That does not help, really.

I don't know how you can possibly make it going to work if the deep depression hits you, and makes you need to lie down and be paralyzed by it.

I am disillusioned about WP. I think I will need to stop posting.

I wish I could say something to help you. i would. If I lived nearby then I would offer to make friends at a trans meeting.

My fat redistribution is questionable. I've been on hrt for 2.7 years now and although I've had some, It's not been much. I'm at that awkward point, neither male or female clothes fit right. With my hair, I look male to androgynous. I'm tall, broad shoulders. And I'm gaining weight again despite doing what I did last time I lost weight.

I think the only reason why I don't destroy my body is that I see the utility purpose in it. I can at least get some good feeling/pleasure out of crafting stuff, doing semi-fun activities as my AS permits me, eat delicious food, etc...

With the GD, I attempt to distract myself. Of late, that's been a combo of writing, painting miniatures, and pyrography. I can't fill every waking moment with focus on some task, so the GD still slips through, but it's at a much reduced rate. It's how I survive. Still sucks when it's there.

I try not to blame my parents for letting me get to this point, but I feel it's there fault I ended up in the boat I'm in. Not from a genetic, they had sex, and I was born 9 months later point of view. I mean the raising part. They knew I had issues. When your 14 year old attempts suicide and you find out he is a she and has gender problems and social interaction problems, you'd damn well make sure you did something about it but they didn't. They just did some counseling for a little bit and let my AS override me and shun having to deal with them and the counselor.

I reallize after writing this that there is some kernel of hate towards my parents. I love them and all. They've done some good things for me, but they seriously f****d up with getting my needs taken care of as a child, and here I am.

I don't like hating things. I try to ignore the feeling. But it's more from the view that I don't need my blood pressure elevated than it is out of any parental child relationship.

What I call "Gender Dysphoria' was my pesonality not able to express itself. The supression of the personality lead to wishing , and fantasy about being a girl, and other negative behaviors.

However, HRT unsuppressed my personality over time.

There is "old me" and "new me". New me is a girl, not woman cause "new me" is undefined, because new me did not go through a maturation process.

"New me" does not have GD. Only sadness over a life not lived.

Are there GID people who don't have a suppressed personality (excluding the ones who transition very young) ?

I wish I were never born. My life has not been worth the suffering.

I'm distraught all the time now. I don't know how I'm possibly supposed to recover from any of this.

I feel a hole in my life as well for not having grown up as a girl. I feel very immature and childish, and this is probably why.

There is nothing that can be done to solve my problems, so all I can look forward to is them getting worse over time as I age. This is why I wish I had the courage to kill myself.

If it's any consolation, I often see the same thing in the mirror. A male face. Sometimes we're not the best judges of ourselves and all the ways we don't pass supersede the ways that we do.

Eh, is that your picture? It doesn't look particularly male...

So yeah, kittlover, you could of course be seeing yourself in much the same way as an anorexic sees themselves as fat.

I know that my interpretation of my face is correct from how I'm almost always called "sir" by strangers, even those who generally only see me while I'm sitting at a table, like waiters.

I've been in a lot of pain for so long now, and it never gets better. I've been severely depressed over my gender for a decade now. I started hormones five years ago out of desperation, and they haven't done much but grow boobs a bit.

My therapist and others say that I need to learn to accept the things that I can't change. If I could do that, I wouldn't be transgender, because I could accept being male.

I feel like someone who has a terminal disease that can't be cured with current technology - say, metastatic pancreatic cancer. I might as well have been born in the 1700s, where transpeople truly had no hope at all.

It seems like "wanting to be accepted as a female" is something you think BEFORE your true self is in control of your mind, however once your self is expressive, then SHE is adept at handing the dummies/losers, so there is not the fragility of needing that acceptance?

Somehow you seem to have the fragility, and that causes you depression ?

I have met three ASD-trans people in person, and several trans people at the trans-support meetings and despite individual horrors, these people seem to do OK. Or perhaps the ones with "severe GD" committ suicide so noone ever sees them ?

I only look that way from a side-angle. Front on I'm a block face. : /

Kitty.. I'm 6'2" and 200 lbs It takes a bit of work. But look at my avatar and you will see that pretty can happen even with masculine features.

Chin up honey

Sorry, I don't understand what you're saying. I definitely am fragile; I have essentially zero self-esteem.

What do you mean by "individual horrors"? Also, yes, I think that many transgender people whose gender dysphoria gets bad enough kill themselves, often without indications to those around them what was really wrong.



Your avatar isn't in high enough of a resolution for its zoom scale for me to know. I do know for me that I look absolutely horrible in a dress - I've seen pictures of the few times I've tried. These images of myself often end up haunting my memory.

My mom, who is quite intolerant of my gender issues, told me the day I came out to her that I'd never make a convincing woman. I didn't believe her at the time, seeing the miracle timelines online, but now I know that she was right, and was trying to protect me from chasing impossible dreams. The problem is that if my dreams don't come true, I really don't want to live anymore. The pain is just too strong.

Trans people are not all the same with regards to GD, so they have "individual horrors" pertaining to their specific GD.