Speech/Personality difficulties trans or ASD/AS ?

Post Reply New Topic

I am not sure anyone will understand me, here goes ...

I watched several youtube videos of AS people, and seen how well they can speak, and that their speech is continuous. My speech is not continuous. My speech is like, I don't even know what to say. I think I find myself echoing words that I think should be said, because I heard them before said in the same/similar situation.

I know I did this explicitly one time. At a college admission meeting, the administrator and assistant told me, "We were talking about you" and remembering a television show that had the same statement and answer, I replied, "You were saying good things I hope". They seemed to laugh at me.

I also find myself thinking of words to say that match the effect I am intending to project. For example, if I want to be appear laid back, then I will think to say, "It doesn't bother me", or "I am cool with it". I think of these proper effect sayings in advance.

It seems like there is no "me" - just me repeating back things. When I see the AS people speaking on the videos, then it seems like they have a "me" that can bind their memories into continuous coherent speech and use the bindings to formulate their own perspective wherein the perspective is not merely recitation of memorized information but an actual "personality".

Any trans person have similar speech/personality issue of feeling like the "me" only comes from memory?

Last edited by LoveNotHate on 21 Dec 2013, 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not trans, but relate very much--there's a likely answer right there. I'm not well-spoken unless it's pre-rehearsed, and conversation is a continual exercise in self editing and plugging in the right noises for the situation. I wouldn't bother really, but it seems to be appreciated by other people.

Yes, I spend lots of times rehearsing conversations I anticipate may occur. I spend a lot of time purposelessly echoing what others have said, and I notice myself using pre-thought, pre-seen phrases in conversations, but I'm not sure how much.

I seem to do something more along the lines of echopraxia, but in a way that also suggests a lack of an inner kernel of personality. Often, when I speak, a person, either a real person or a character from a TV show or movie, will appear in my head and I will begin to hear internally a certain tone of voice and see a certain bearing, while observing them perform certain kinds of gestures or not; I will then mirror the person's tone of voice, bearing, and gestures in the conversation. I find this process to be semi-voluntary.

I remember those days. It must be very hard on you

However, it was fun to see how my co-workers dealt with me though

I spent so long with gender dysphoria and no personality development and became a "thing". The wrong hormones meant speech problems, and mental dysfunction.

I have been told that I vibe as female, because I will say things in a female speech pattern. I was doing this when I worked as a "guy" transitioning, and I would make my co-workers laugh. So, there is some core identity that needed to exist based on the manifestation of GD, and that females and males tell me I vibe as a female - which means my brain wanted to arrange my speech into a female pattern. Pus, I am a girl to myself when I speak - a female speaks - it feels right.

However, despite all that, and this gets hard to explain, I have the above mentioned mental functioning problems with regards to my identity "personality".

Perhaps, we look like classic autism because of the executive processing dysfunctions caused by hormonal damage and/or non-personality development, but have the higher intelligence of AS? That is very possible in my case. It as easy for me to be dx with AS as an adult because I have the obvious executive functioning issues.