Gays and Lesbians here: What to do if your partner cries?

Post Reply New Topic

I've wondered if this topic belongs on the general dating forum, but I wonder how it would come into effect when the partner of a gay man or a lesbian woman was crying.
Plain in simple. Has your same-sex partner cried in front of you (or you knew he/she was)? What happened? How did you handle it? I'm wondering because gay LGBT people may handle it differently than would a Neurotypical, especially when being gay or lesbian (or bisexual) is still considered taboo.

<--- Runs to the hills if people cry near him. Coward.

Haven't really encountered this, but I'd want to put my arm around him/hug him/comfort him.. or just listen if there's something he needed to say and the best thing I could do is just attentively listen. Depends on the situation & reason for crying, I suppose.

Also, it depends on the other person, too. ie There have been times when an Autistic friend was quite upset/depressed/emotional etc & my instinct was to want to just put my arm around them and comfort them, but I refrained because I also knew that they didn't like to be touched and that if I did that, even though I wanted to be comforting, chances are I'd just increase their anxiety/emotional state and make things worse. So, I refrained from touching them at all and did the best job of listening that I could as it was the only thing I could think of to do at the time. Things worked out OK, and in hindsight, I don't think I'd change any of my actions in those scenarios in the past.

So, yeah, it depends on who, what they're like, as well as the reason they're upset and so forth as to what the best possible response on your behalf might be.

I'm curious.. why would you expect LGBT people handle crying any differently than heterosexuals? I can understand why you'd assume ASD people would handle it differently, but not what one's reaction to someone else' crying has to do with sexual orientation.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I would guess that if the person did not go and hide away from you, the most important thing would be for you to just be there for them and be a shoulder for them to cry on if they need it.

I would hold him tight and caress his hair and kiss him and murmer soothing words to him as best I could.

My former love would be very depressed but never cried. No amount of comfort seemed to change much. In the end it seems it was me he was conflicted over.

Well, my boyfriends haven't often cried, but they certainly get upset and it's usually because of me. Oh dear. They're looking for me to have some connection to their emotions, they get frustrated because I am "too logical".

Part of the issue they've had with me is that I treat all emotional situations with an algorithm/plan/schedule of actions. However that is the way I can best help.

I don't think that you need a different plan for the crying of a gay partner as opposed to a close friend.

1 - a person is crying, and they are close to me and important, I am standing near them
2 - it doesn't matter why they are crying, although hopefully I have some idea, hopefully it's not me
3 - maintain open body language at very least, do not cross arms or look away, this opens the possibility of a hug
4 - most likely it is appropriate for you to grab them and hug fairly tightly
5 - be prepared to get wet and hold on for ages - more than 3 minutes even! relish the fact that they trust you so much

6 - other things to consider are - sitting down together, getting tissues, getting a drink of water
7 - if not sure whether a hug is appropriate, say, "Oh dear, what's wrong!? Do you want a hug?" and then proceed to hugging if requested

8 - you may be comfortable in saying, "It's okay, I know it's very hard, I am here for you, you can hold onto me"

9 - it's likely that they will need to verbally express their upset; offer no solutions, only say short and supportive things, nod and agree; useful phrases can include, "This is a really tough situation", "I can see this is going to keep causing you lots of distress", "Wow, it really isn't obvious what to do", "I am so grateful that you would tell me", "Please tell me what's happening if you want, or otherwise we can just sit here together".

10 - solutions are not needed, what they need is an emotion sponge that sucks up the pain and tears and gives them back warmth, unconditional acceptance, and love; the hugging is expressing that you are joining them on their journey and sharing their pain so it can be diminished

11 - later, solutions to their problems can be discussed on their terms; make sure you follow up and make the time for that if it is your role

Good luck!

^^^
THAT is excellent!

SydneySputnik... that kind of made me depressed, because I remember vividly when my first love had this type of kindness straight after I had a night terror due to sleep deprivation. He just sat down near me and consoled me so much, loved me so much in that moment (I mean, when I had them as a child my parents used to fight with each other even in the middle of my being frightened, so this was truly the first time I felt incredibly loved by someone). Now, of course, if I ever others I'll simply be all alone, with nothing but a reflection of myself by myself...

I miss him so much.

First I would ask him what's going on. Then I'd close whatever distance, put my arms around him and listen. Then I'd repeatedly tell him everything is going to be okay, that we're in this together, that I'll do everything I can to remedy the situation, ease his pain (depending on the problem I might say a few things here differently). F*ck, I'd even hold him throughout the rest of the night and continue to assure him everything will be okay.

I know... I'd also have to resist being too logical and offering solutions. I am not an emotional person, and don't like dealing with strong emotions from others (due my sensitivity), but if this person if my partner I am past all of that.

I admit, with close friends though I'd have difficulty offering emotional support, and there would be no physical contact (hug) initiated on my part. I'd still inquire with worry, and listen well. My close friends would expect this of me, they are very aware I am a good listener (evident in the fact they call me before anyone else to express their problems and such).

Sometimes I fear, that in more emotionally charged situations, I'd let them down for not offering enough support. Then they'd begin to confide elsewhere. I guess, even with close friends (and even close family), I do have a guard up...