Recently came out as FTM, parents giving me grief

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To be fair, it could be a lot worse. I am 30 and was diagnosed with autism a few years ago, as an adult. Now they are using my diagnosis to delegitmize my gender identity. Mom believes this is a phase and an obsession that is a manifestation of my autism. She also says that while she wants me to be happy, I am not transitioning alone, I am dragging lots of other people down with me kicking and screaming. That really hurt. As if it was some choice I made instead of a pain that I have felt that I have finally found the language to confide in her about.

To put it in some context, I was virtually engaged to a woman I was living with we were happy but she couldn't deal with the trans thing and we wound up breaking up. I bounced to another home where I thought I would be safe but there was a lot of conflict there and I had to move back in with my parents, something I didn't want to have to do, battered and bruised and hoping they would come around. Its been a rough few months since coming out and while I've seen worse situations, I wish my family, who I have always depended on for support would be more understanding.

I know it sucks but please give them time. When my trans son came out to me almost a year ago it was such a shock. I think for parents of a child on the spectrum it is even harder since we don't know what is or is not spectrum related. In fact I came on this board to ask others for help in leaning the difference. In reality many of the things I thought were spectrum related were I now know trans issues and there are studies being done that show FTM trans are much higher with spectrum folks. That being said, my son was very patient with me and he is now my son, living fulltime as a male and will even be returning to high school as a male this year. It took me a while (and education and research help A LOT) but I got there. Know that your parents love you very much and it is really just a matter of them coming to terms with their own gender bisas.
Good luck sir and hang in there!!

It is something that will definitely take time for them. I have also just recently come out to my family as a transman and it has been a very difficult time. One thing that helps (for me, anyways) is to remember that it's taken me 23 years to come to terms with myself whereas my parents have only known for a couple weeks. However, the initial reactions from parents can definitely be quite hurtful. My mom is sort of in a denial phase right now where she thinks that my therapist is trying to pressure me into transitioning, even though it has been entirely my own decision. I'm fortunate though, that my parents are at least trying to be understanding and respectful of it. Right now that is enough for me.

Edit: Fixed some grammar issues.

My situation is virtually the same (except instead of blaming an autism diagnosis on my gender identity, since I don't have one yet, one of my parents has been saying I'm confused because I was sexually assaulted as a teenager...which kind of doesn't make sense anyway since I identify as gay, but I digress). I'm even 30 too.

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this kind of difficulty, when transitioning is already difficult enough. Do you have a strong support system in place you can turn to if you need them? That's what helped me the most when I felt like I wasn't getting the support I needed from my family.

It's still a process, and I live on the opposite coast as my family so part of me is avoiding a full-out confrontation with them, which is probably a little cowardly. My sibling is about to have his first child though, and I'm concerned that it's going to come to a head when either they refuse to reference me as uncle or my parents won't but my sibling will, causing a load of confusion all-around.

It's never easy, but it's really reassuring to see comments like zrbs here, to get a perspective from the other side of things.

If you ever want to talk, I'm happy to be an impartial listener. Congratulations on your decision to transition though. It's a big step.

wow i am so glad i found this site. i am 26 married to a wonderful woman we both struggled with our genders for many years. parents can suck. we ended up moving to get away from parents they didn't care that we were together but wanted to tell us how to live our lives. i don't honestly identify with either gender myself. have i told my family no they don't understand how one can not know what gender they are. things are black and white to them, gay or straight. i understand your frustration. I am autistic.

I came out to my mum back in February. She's still in full fledged denial. I'm not even sure if I should tell my dad. He seems to have a real problem with me doing and saying things that aren't ladylike. Both of my parents are in denial. I've been going through the denial game with them for 36 years. It was funny 16 years ago in the summer when I told my mum, "First I'm going to get emotionally better, and than I'm going to grow a penis."

I came out to my mum back in February. She's still in full fledged denial. I'm not even sure if I should tell my dad. He seems to have a real problem with me doing and saying things that aren't ladylike. Both of my parents are in denial. I've been going through the denial game with them for 36 years. It was funny 16 years ago in the summer when I told my mum, "First I'm going to get emotionally better, and than I'm going to grow a penis."