Okay with being gay, but not bi

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I'm okay with the idea of being gay. It makes me feel happy and at peace. The idea of being bi disgusts me. I'm not entirely sure why. I've never considered the bi people I know in real life disgusting. I just considered them people.

A lot of people assume that since bisexuals can be attracted to both males and females, this must somehow mean that they are promiscuous and desire constant attention from both genders. The truth is though, bisexuals are just like anyone else; some sleep around, others are perfectly fine with being monogamous. I think this "potential" to be attracted to a wider range of people is what disgusts people about bisexuals, but when you think about it it's not really such a big deal.

If I recall correctly, the original Kinsey Scale results shows that most people are somewhere in between being 100% gay or straight (as they choose to define it).

In addition, they receive criticism for being able to "fake" heterosexuality and "choose" to just blend in. In reality, both bisexuals and homosexuals can do this... if they choose to repress who they are and bite their tongue in the company of prejudice.

Just because there's a wider range of people you are attracted to doesn't mean you have a wider range of opportunity. A bisexual aspie is still an aspie and on average gets laid as much as any aspie.

When I first read the thread title I thought we were in for another "bi now, gay later," conversation. I am pleased that I misinterpreted it.

It seems to me (and please correct me if I am wrong), that it is not bisexuality per se that disgusts you, but rather the idea that you would be sexually active with a member of the opposite sex. You are perfectly fine with other bisexual or heterosexual people, but when the notion becomes personalized, it takes you into a place where you are not comfortable.

The only reason I comment on that is that it seems to parallel with some (though not all) of the homophobia that we see in society. Some people aren't particularly bothered about what we do to each other sexually, but they are very distressed at the idea that someone might do it to them. (Which, incidentally, aligns with the notional view that male homophobes are more repelled by male homosexuality than lesbianism, and females the inverse). Whether any of these notions are true or not is debatable, but they persist as tropes and there may be some merit in them.

To my mind, it is important to recognize these traits in ourselves, and to be careful about how we express them. In my experience, gay men can be prone to derisive remarks about women, women's bodies and heterosexual and lesbian sexuality. If we take the time to recognize how these might relate to the homophobic statements we deplore, we might think twice about how free we are with these types of remarks.

OP - not sure what you are getting at, others have stated different opinions, are you not OK with YOU being Bi or with ANYONE being Bi?

for me as lesbian of course I am disgusted with the idea of ME being with a man (which would be me being bi)

but as far as anyone else - I saw a comment on an article once about some trans person that fit everything I think about these subjects

he said

I'm okay with other people being bi. I'm not okay with me being bi because I didn't start liking boys when I was supposed to. I do remember liking girls when I was supposed to like guys. I remember feeling like a ret*d because I didn't like boys at the same time as the other girls. If I'm a lesbian that excuses those feelings. I no longer feel like a ret*d if I'm a lesbian. If I'm bi I feel like a ret*d again.

I was more interested in girls as a teenager. That doesn't make me a 'ret*d', nor does it make me feel like one. The fact is, teenage boys are unappealing and sexually incompetent - of course I didn't fancy them. I also didn't fancy older men because some of them used to perv on me and I was a bit scared of having straight sex (though still curious about it.)

I don't honestly see what's bad about liking any gender at any time in your life. It's not like sexuality has a timetable. I've only really had really good sex with a man recently (I met my partner 5 months ago) and I'm 27. That was a long time for me to be not enjoying straight sex much. I'm still learning about myself now.

I understand that feeling. I used to think I was strictly heterosexual, because I realized I had crushes on guys first. The media tends to turn sexuality into a black-white situation, in which one is either gay or straight. So when I had thoughts about girls, I thought that was creepy and weird, because it didn't fit the picture of who I was. Then, shortly after I mastered the meaning of the word "bisexual", I realized I was bisexual, and then I was perfectly fine with myself.

Don't make yourself feel like a ret*d because you're confused about your sexuality. Plenty of people go through that phase. You're going to be fine. In the end, you'll figure out who are - and then it's you're decision whether you accept yourself or not. Personally, I would recommend the former.

I've known I was bi since I saw the word in the dictionary when I was 13. I've never been particularly confused about it; what I have been is very awkward and secretive about it.

It's taken me ages to be anything approaching comfortable with my sexuality. There are reasons why, but I don't wanna say.

Just saying that you can know for sure you're a certain way but still feel crap about it.

I'm confused. You said that you didn't like guys until recently in your other post, but in this post you said you knew you were bi since you were 13. If you knew were bi when you were 13 that means that you were probably attracted to both genders back then. I don't really remember being attracted to boys when I was 13. I do remember trying to make myself attracted to boys so I could be like everyone else.

yep, more like this - I even dated guys because I thought I was supposed to - don't do that anymore, I have accepted who I am.

I wish we lived in a society which just let everyone be who they really are and would stop trying to force everyone into the same shaped hole, not all of us are round or even square.

I didn't like men as much as women as a teenager but it was more because I was a bit scared of them rather than because I wasn't attracted to them.