I hate questioning my sexuality

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Right now I identify as gay. I have self-diagnosed Pure-O OCD and it causes so many problems with my sexuality. I often get intrusive thoughts about being bisexual or asexual. They made me very confused.

As I'm getting better I'm realizing that they're just thoughts, but I still have moments where I think that I might be bi or asexual. It's pure torture questioning my sexuality. I've talked about it online many times. What drives me crazy is that most people don't understand me at all.

Most people just think I'm some questioning young girl who has a "fluid sexuality". They don't understand that it's just OCD. They tell me to "not label my sexuality". Doesn't really work. Part of me knows that I don't like guys and I'm attracted to girls, so labeling myself as gay can be useful. I also don't want to go "label-less" because most people would interpret that as bisexual or confused.

Most OCD people understand that my OCD makes me doubt my sexuality, but I still have to deal with ignorant people in the OCD community. Some people in the OCD community think I'm dealing with real sexual confusion. Mainly because most people with sexual obsessions are straight.

I also have regular gay problems like being closeted. I hate being closeted, but I feel like I have no choice. Since I'm not stereotypically gay I have to deal with people who doubt my sexuality. This makes my OCD worse because they plant seeds of doubt in my head. Most people don't understand this problem. They just tell me to "not care what people think". That advice is useless.

I do this too. I'm a woman who is generally attracted to other women, but occasionally men. I told someone in my family this recently, and they were like "so your straight then?". I said no, I'm still attracted to women, I just like this one guy a lot, and they said "so your a lesbian then". I said I think I'm both, and they said that's not likely. It left me feeling really unsure of myself, and I started obsessing over it (I also have OCD). But I decided it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks, except for myself and the person I'm dating. I'm still sort of obsessing over it, but there's not really anything I can do about it, and I really feel weird trying to label myself. If I ever get married, then I can just tell people I'm straight/gay respectively.

I know you said you are gay worrying about being straight, but I think there are still parallels. I'm not really sure what I am, I'm just feel the need to label myself for other peoples sakes. I'm going to try to be strong and not let it bother me though.

Your problem is OCD related (being obsessed about it, intrusive thoughts), but it is also cultural. The labels that our society uses to describe sexuality are clumsy and inaccurate. Other societies use different concepts to define sexual orientation and gender. I obsessed about my sexuality for a long time (still do). I am physically attracted to women but occasionally have sexual thoughts about men. I have been in love with both males and females. At this point in time, although I like to look at women, I don't really desire sex. I want romance and kissing. To be honest, I have never really been crazy about sex.

So what am I? Am I straight? Bisexual? Asexual? I don't know. The important thing for me is that I realize I cannot change my sexual orientation. I just have to accept it. I don't talk about my homoerotic desires, so most people assume I am straight. Only a few people know I am a part of the LGBTQ community. I have enough stigma already. I'll come out if I get in a long-term relationship with another man. I accept my sexuality. That is the main thing. I don't know how to make the obsession go away except to keep analyzing it and talking to others about it (my therapist, people here, safe friends). I know that it gets weaker over time (the obsession).

This is also a constant struggle for me. I can really like a guy and want to be with him, but I'm more likely to find women attractive.