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what is the name of the sexual orientation/identity label

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goldfish21
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07 Feb 2015, 4:45 pm

where one has to be in love with someone before they will have sex with the person?

I think I remember reading about such a label here & I can't remember the name for it.


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arielhawksquill
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07 Feb 2015, 8:39 pm

It's demisexual.



goldfish21
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08 Feb 2015, 9:07 am

thank you! :)


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drh1138
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08 Feb 2015, 11:03 am

Note that demisexuality deals with attraction and not behavior.



fossil_n
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08 Feb 2015, 12:41 pm

Agree with dhr1138, a better definition of demisexual is someone who is not sexually attracted to people until they know someone really well/are in love with them. That is different from someone who is sexually attracted to people, but chooses not to have sex with those people until they are in love.



mpe
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08 Feb 2015, 1:54 pm

fossil_n wrote:
Agree with dhr1138, a better definition of demisexual is someone who is not sexually attracted to people until they know someone really well/are in love with them. That is different from someone who is sexually attracted to people, but chooses not to have sex with those people until they are in love.

It's also more of an "orientation attribute" than an orientation in itself. Since such people can otherwise be hetero/bi/pan/homo, kinky/vanilla or anything else within the spectrum of human sexual orientation.



goldfish21
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08 Feb 2015, 3:50 pm

fossil_n wrote:
Agree with dhr1138, a better definition of demisexual is someone who is not sexually attracted to people until they know someone really well/are in love with them. That is different from someone who is sexually attracted to people, but chooses not to have sex with those people until they are in love.


Aaah. Makes sense. Hmm, is there a more fitting name for the latter?


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arielhawksquill
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08 Feb 2015, 4:35 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Aaah. Makes sense. Hmm, is there a more fitting name for the latter?


Romantic? ;)



goldfish21
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08 Feb 2015, 5:26 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Aaah. Makes sense. Hmm, is there a more fitting name for the latter?


Romantic? ;)


lol

I suppose. :)

I think a friend of mine is a bit.. semi-demi? heh but I know he finds some others sexually attractive for sure, he's just not one to have sex with anyone he isn't in love with.


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fossil_n
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08 Feb 2015, 6:48 pm

mpe wrote:
fossil_n wrote:
Agree with dhr1138, a better definition of demisexual is someone who is not sexually attracted to people until they know someone really well/are in love with them. That is different from someone who is sexually attracted to people, but chooses not to have sex with those people until they are in love.

It's also more of an "orientation attribute" than an orientation in itself. Since such people can otherwise be hetero/bi/pan/homo, kinky/vanilla or anything else within the spectrum of human sexual orientation.


As someone who is bi and demi, I agree :D

As for what to call someone who chooses not to have sex before they are in love, I don't really think of that as an orientation, more as just a choice, therefore I don't think there really is a word to describe it, and I don't think romantic is really it, though I am open to correction.



drh1138
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08 Feb 2015, 7:10 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Aaah. Makes sense. Hmm, is there a more fitting name for the latter?


Romantic? ;)


Quite.

Asexuals often use a prefix for their romantic orientation. Heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, panromantic, etc. etc.

goldfish21 wrote:
I think a friend of mine is a bit.. semi-demi? heh but I know he finds some others sexually attractive for sure, he's just not one to have sex with anyone he isn't in love with.


Grey-aces sometimes feel personally-directed sexual urges, and sometimes don't. It's sort of an umbrella term. But of course the person in question is the authority on what describes themselves.

fossil_n wrote:
As for what to call someone who chooses not to have sex before they are in love, I don't really think of that as an orientation, more as just a choice, therefore I don't think there really is a word to describe it, and I don't think romantic is really it, though I am open to correction.


Abstinent, celibate, I would suppose.

Source: Am a hetero-(possibly demi-)asexual.



fossil_n
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08 Feb 2015, 7:49 pm

Of course, yes, abstinent is probably the most correct term, not sure where my head was that I didn't think of that.



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20 May 2016, 8:24 am

fossil_n wrote:
Of course, yes, abstinent is probably the most correct term, not sure where my head was that I didn't think of that.


Abstinence mostly comes from the idea of those who don't want to have sex until they are married. For those who grew up in the church or otherwise "christian" people are most aligned with this idea of thinking. I believe in abstinence being the way to go myself but since I don't actively pursue a relationship or "try" to date anyone I can't JUST claim abstinence. Its almost like saying you want to do something but then being too apathetic to take the steps to actually get to that point. And one thing I do know is that its a looong road before a dating couple gets married and I've never broken a year in a relationship anyway.