To any gay Aspies in relationships...

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How?

I've just moved out of home and started Uni, I'm diagnosed aspie, male and gay.

i can't really do the bar thing, or online simply because I need to know a person a little before I start wanting a relationship.

Does anyone have any advice, or even a nice how-we-met story?

Many uni's have some sort of LGBT group. I hated going to those regularly, and did not do so. But when they sponsored a movie night or something I would go mainly just so that I could then spot gay folk on campus and maybe nod hello and see what developed.

I met my first BF on campus. It was a classic "exchanged glances in the library stacks" scene.

I'll be honest, as an older gay aspie, I really don't know how to advise someone from more recent generations. I was not diagnosed until i had too many years under my belt. I'm sure you dont want to hear about survival sex and living on the street. What i can tell you is that i had 2 long term relationships. The first was 15 years as a functional addict with a crackhead. Doesn't sound like heaven, but i would never have survived without the love hate involved. Once I freed myself, I was so lonely that I took another stray in. After 4 years and spending $25000 to get a schizophrenic off 7 years of prison time, I find myself living alone. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but.understand, i had a lot of good years with them. Life is all about compromise.

_________________
ASD, ADHD-PI, PTSD , BI-Polar 2

Quetiapine 300mg Morning
Quetiapine 100mg Night
Depakote 1500mg Night
Sertaline 75mg 2xDaily
Bupropion 100mg 2xDaily
Gabapentin 600mg Morning
Gabapentin 300mg Night

Imagine my therapist's embarrassment when it turned out they really were after me.

My apologies, that came out f****d up. Yes, real relationships are possible. You are young and have a life time ahead of you. No one can predict the future. Just remember, our disorder leads to some inflexible behaviour. You must be willing to compromise with someone in order to show your love.

_________________
ASD, ADHD-PI, PTSD , BI-Polar 2

Quetiapine 300mg Morning
Quetiapine 100mg Night
Depakote 1500mg Night
Sertaline 75mg 2xDaily
Bupropion 100mg 2xDaily
Gabapentin 600mg Morning
Gabapentin 300mg Night

Imagine my therapist's embarrassment when it turned out they really were after me.

I met my soul mate 18 years ago through an unusual mutual interest. He had been involved with someone else for a year or so, who shared the mutual interest, but wasn't happy in that relationship. He left the other guy a few months later and moved in with me. He is also a quiet type who is most likely on the spectrum as well, since he is definitely not NT in behaviour, preferring animals and computers to most people, and disliking parties, office socials and loud noises. Also, his previous partner was a smoker, which didn't please him.

Anything is possible including a satisfying long term relationship! It doesn't always happen but you never know when happiness can come your way.

I'd recommend interest groups, online or in real life, where you can get to know guys whom you'll have something in common with.

Patience.

I'm not in a relationship, but have had no difficulty meeting guys and have had many interested in dating me.. only the feeling wasn't mutual. The few I've wanted haven't been interested in me in that way. Still waiting for the right mutual spark before getting into a relationship. Now that I'm healthier, happier, wealthier etc I feel like I'm a much better candidate for a relationship than ever.. so when it happens, it happens. I'm 32, btw. I've passed the time with more than my fair share of hookups over the years lol but now I can't be bothered with that and am more interested in going on dates, so, that's what I'm going to do.

A friend of mine, also on the spectrum, was in a long term relationship for several years, then broke up & spent 4 years or so solo. I met him during that time. He spent his time on himself and his interests, and friends/family. He, too, is the type that really needs to know someone before dating. He's finally recently started dating one of his friends he used to have a thing with many years ago. It's pretty awesome. If he was never going to be attracted to me in that way & I had to choose one of his friends for him to date, the one he's with is my first choice.

Anyways, my point about him is that he's been extremely patient and spent a lot of time just hanging out with friends etc vs. hookups or very many dates. I recommend you make some friends first and foremost. Maybe you'll have a relationship grow out of a friendship, or meet someone via one of your new friends. Don't set your sights on meeting a partner, just set your sights on meeting people and making friends - the rest will come later when it's meant to and you're ready for it, even if it takes a few years.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I was introduced to my wife by a mutual friend. We were both looking for an apartment or house-sharing arrangement. We wound up becoming lovers, and just celebrated our 20th anniversary.

Do you know a friend with a yen to do matchmaking? Or perhaps you could join a group for gay singles? Or something to do with one of your interests?

I realized that I was attracted to girls as well as guys relatively late, at about 25-26, after a really emotionally draining friendship with a woman with huge emotional problems, had ended. It was such a whirlwind that I realized that I had deeper feelings to her after she had "left" me. I first identified as bisexual, because I thought I was a woman, but now I identify as queer. I went through the whole gay group/ bar-scene and got a few friends, but nothing more. The lesbian scene here in Helsinki was really small and I just couldn't fit in. I met my current lover through an asperger support group. We were friends at first and then 5 years ago we became a couple. Of course we have our ups and downs because we both have communication issues, but we're still madly in love.

Lesbian Aspie here. I met my girlfriend in an elective science course. The conversations were a bit easier than normal, as science and medicine is a special interest of mine, so most of our discussions went from there. We are together three years later.

hi I am a lesbian female here and been in a relationship for 5 years now with the same woman. We actually did meet online on okcupid. She is not on the spectrum at all but me having AS. At first when I first told her she was a little standoffish about it but then was fine with it and has been since. We have our fair share of ups and downs but we both love each other and do what we can for each other. I am very thankful for her because she makes me go outside of my comfort zone when I need to but still accepts that there are times when things get to be too much for me.

Don't sell yourself short do what you feel you are comfortable with and when the time is right you will meet someone who accepts you for you!

I met my girlfriend at an LGBT student conference, the other side of the country from where either of our universities were. If we both hadn't gone to this one weekend conference we wouldn't have met. I went to my uni's LGBT society meetups regularly too and didn't make any friends or any meaningful connection with anyone. So I'd advise if your Uni LGBT soc does anything that involves a meetup with other unis, or some sort of national conference, make sure you get in there!

I don't know if this post would count, but I am bisexual and met my current GF six months ago when we were in a class together. She is also bisexual and we began dating a few days after I was in a medical emergency. She found me lying face-down on the floor of a hallway being harassed by campus security who believed me to be drunk.

She, being the badass that she is, told them to leave me alone and she threatened to file a complaint against them if they didn't back away from me. After I recovered from the situation, I thanked her and we see each other on a weekly basis.