Do some people just turn gay?

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I've never posted here before, but I have a curious question. I know of a few gay people who have had heterosexual relationships before. I even know a gay man in his 40's who actually got married to a woman and had kids with her, but he is gay and is just as sexually interested in men as I am.

I'm in a heterosexual relationship with a man, but what if I suddenly become gay later on, and fall in love with a woman, even though I have never had those sorts of feelings for a woman before? Or do some gay people marry someone of the opposite sex because they are in denial of their sexuality or something? I don't understand, so I thought some gay people here might know a bit about it.

Sexual orientation is as much a spectrum as autism is. Don Clark, Ph.D. once wrote that sexual orientation is shaped like a bell curve with many people being bisexual. However, how they act on that fact is the result of a lot of factors (religion, society, politics, family, employment, education, etc.). So, in a behavioral sense, yes, people can appear to suddenly become gay or not. But, I suspect that an orientation is less mutable.

I don't believe for a second people just "turn gay". Some people just either hide it or are in denial for a really long time. Also, no one is 100% straight or gay.

I don't think you will turn gay if you are straight at 24. Some gay men get married to a woman because they want to conform to society's norm or have a traditional family life. They know they are gay and may not even mind being attracted to other men. Still they choose a traditional life style. However, that could lead to a disaster. I have met some men who decided to openly live as a gay man after many years of marriage and leave their wife. Those men knew they were gay all along. I don't tell people IRL that I'm gay but as far as I know I was attracted to men even when I was five years old.

That's good then. I was only wondering, that's all.

I was quite asexual as a kid and never really thought about going after males. But looking back, I remember having a thing about my dad's friends, and I often played this game pretending I was one of his friends from the pub, and my bike was my car, and I went to work then went to the pub and stuff. Also I kept drawing pictures of my dad and his friends, and when I was 6 I remember being in the bath when he had a friend round and I quickly got out and ran about naked around him. At the time I did not have sexual thoughts, but looking back I think that was some sort of thing I must of had somewhere inside me what I liked about older men. And I still like older men now. My boyfriend is over 20 years older than me and has grey hair. It attracts me. A lot of people can't make that out, but that's just what is in me. And no, I was not sexually abused as a child. It's just the way the sexual part of my mind is wired, just like gay people. Nobody can help who they fall in love with.

No one "turns" gay, you are born with your sexual orientation.

I think it's just that people try to hide the fact they are gay and try to suppress it by having a family because they are ashamed of it. That's what I've seen in most news stories and on TV (like on Oprah, where both the wife and husband were gay). It takes time for people to realize their sexual orientation. I, myself, am straight but I've had gender identity issues in the past which I'm still not sure of.

Bottom line is, whoever you like, you like. As long as you're both adults and in love, who cares what gender or sexuality the person is?

Some people might, indeed, change sexual orientation. Unfortunately, we have to take their word for it, because we can't peer inside someones mind, pore over their memories, and say "hmmm, yes, this man was exclusively sexually orientated to women, but then changed to being sexually attracted to other men...". Or, maybe we can, but it would require a very large, very long study involving brain scanning in order to catch the small number who changed sexuality, as well as being able to recognise which patterns match what sexuality...

Still, I think such a study should be done, though not for that purpose alone. It would generate big amounts of data that could prove useful, especially when combined with genomics.

Anyway, some transwomen have (allegedly) changed orientation. Again, you have to take their word for it.

They could be bisexual or they came out. I don't know how many gay people have tried living a straight life but I hear it has happened. My uncle did it and then he came out as gay after his wife passed away and he started to date guys and met my uncle and they married.

My mom knew someone at work who "turned lesbian" because she was in a abusive marriage with a guy and then she finally left him and she met a woman and they got married. She would never trust a guy again so she went lesbian. Was she still straight deciding to live a gay life or was she bisexual?

I agree with this. Sexuality isn't black and white. I wasn't sure what I liked at all until I had my first encounter with a girl; when we got physical and I wasn't entirely into it, I realized that I liked guys a lot more. I then contentedly identified as "gay" for several years, but after a long period of mild uncertainty, I finally came to realize that I can like certain women just as much, though the scales do tip more in favor of guys. Being bisexual never even occurred to me, and yet looking back it makes perfect sense.

Some people just don't come into or realize their true sexualities right away. It can take a lengthy period of exploration or experimentation. Repression can be one reason, but speaking from experience, it's possible for a gay or bi guy to have an incredibly meaningful relationship with a female which satisfies him emotionally and romantically, which may not make him realize that it's not sexually satisfying. It's easy to confuse sexual feelings with romantic feelings, but the two are mutually exclusive.

Well sociopaths "can be anyone" as they might tell you WHILE having sex. I hv extensive experience with them coming from a family full of them then apparently unknowingly going on a "sociopath survey" after leaving home. There was always a strong mutual attraction. Had a longterm relationship with one who would sometimes bring girls home. Finally learned the sad truth about them. They have nothing in a part of their identity where I have something permanent, strong and good. I didn't realize being nothing there was even possible but it is and I loved......nothing. I can still care about them but now I'm looking for SOMETHING

just a casual post to share what is happening lately...every week I hear some friends and family talking about their childrens "gay" problem. They are currently trying to pressure their possibly gay children into dating members of the opposite sex or simply staying away from their "too close for comfort" same sex friends.

I am not gay but had known a few gays back in states including a close friend. I hung out with my friend at gay bars every weekend for a year. I am no expert but from what they tell me I think they are really overreacting. I have met all the people mentioned below and actually I dont think any of them are actually gay. I think in the first case below some "experimenting" might be taking place but I dont think she is gay.

What worries me is my friends share their cases with each other which only heightens their worrying about their kids. And they honestly think that their kids will become gay ONLY because they have gay friends luring them in that direction. The situation is not so healthy. Unfortunately, as is the usual case her the parents and children cannot just openly talk about what is happening.

Here is the results:

female cousin age 25
The big news was she was gay as reported by her mother to family members. The reason she was becoming gay was that she was hurt in previous relationship and become distrustful of men. The last straw for family was her taking overseas vacation with her female friend and seemingly accepting the gay direction. Very worried daughter will be tainted by this relationship.
Family action: pressured by extremely traditional Nantou family to find boyfriend.
Result: new boyfriend, family happy they solved the problem

friends daughter age 20
Similar to above. Daughter hurt in previous man relationship so was hanging out with a girl. Mother thinks the relationship is too close for comfort. Daughters sister supporting her big sister saying "she seems happier now so I support her."
Family action: pressuring daughter to find boyfriend
Result: to early to tell

friends daughter age 24
Daughters friend appears to be gay and likes to hang out with the daughter too much. Father worried his daughter will become gay by this friendship.
Family action: pressured to stop seeing friend.
Result: married to man

friends son age 15
Father worried his son might turn gay due to the less than masculine group of boys his son hangs out with. Says the school is full of non-masculine boys and very unladylike girls.
Family action: Father pushing son to find girlfriend.
Result: too early to tell

I know three gay people who turned straight. This wasn't overnight or as a result of gay curing workshops, they went bisexual for a couple of years and then straight. They were all women in their late teens/early 20s so it could have been some weird tail end of puberty thing, I haven't heard it happen to anyone older. So it would make sense it could happen the other way round. I think denial is more common, and it's not completely impossible that these girls were actually in denial about being straight (they were all quite alternative where being a lesbian is considered normal).

I'm not saying turning straight is a thing which happens often (I've got to know a lot of people over the years) or can be induced by choice.

I think orientation is not always a permanent set in stone thing, but I don't think anyone ever goes from 100% one way 100% the other. I just feel like I personally fluctuate between more interested in this or that. But that doesn't mean I'm ever 100% either way, if that makes sense.

Basically, I think if so far you've only been heterosexually interested, then at most you might become somewhat bi, or you might not, but I don't think you'll ever stop being attracted to men.

I'm transgender and bisexual myself, but I'm not convinced someone is born heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual. But I believe it developes very early in life. I've no proof for it and maybe I'm wrong.
I just don't believe I understood the concept of "male" and "female" as a newborn. But I believe it developes depending to the brain-structure in the first months or years of life. So I believe in fact in a neurological cause, but also some other influences.

That doesn't fit my experience, unless I can add myself to the list of people who stopped being gay. Before puberty I was more interested in girls and was disgusted at the idea of any romantic interaction with boys. This interest was such a childish proto-attraction I don't consider it a meaningful orientation, but there was even less trace of heterosexuality until puberty hit.

In my teens I thought I was gay. Nowadays I am almost exclusively interested in the opposite sex. The change occurred over decades and isn't something I willed- it just happened. Maybe I just took an awfully long time going through puberty and growing up - I could understand that.

I guess that the change has made things "easier" for me and I feel more comfortable in who I am but I do feel that something has been "stolen" from me. I went through an awful lot of heartache in my youth (it really wasn't fun being gay in the early 1980s) and it was kind of all for nothing.