I recently viewed a doctumentary that briefly interviewed a teen with Asperger's and it prompted me to research more on the subject. In the past, starting at about age 16, I developed an obsession with figuring out a diagnosis for myself because I knew something wasn't right. Something was different. I eventually ended up finding depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and ocd (loosely) related most to my symptoms but I felt like there was still more wrong with me that was unanswered. I could go into deep detail on how I match the criteria for AS but that would be too much. I'll try to keep it short.
When I ask about how I was as an infant I'm described as quiet, easy, smart, "could set me on a pile of dimes and wouldn't grab any of them", particular about clothing and food. When I ask about how I was as a toddler and child and how I remember it I was shy, hated eye contact (it felt extremely uncomfortable), was highly sensitive to trains, fluorescent lights, fireworks, food touching/mixing, textures, clothing (eventually only wore hoodies jeans and converse and the occasional basketball shorts) hygiene, volumes and other numbers I could control had to end in a 0 or 5, the list goes on. When in high school I was very particular about my clothing, hair, scent, hygiene, body hair. My interests were very specific and organized. I have an great ability to intensely focus on things. I would play guitar hero, Mario Bros on the NES, watch the same movies, listen to the same music as well as research all of these things for hours on the internet. I had an intense interest in Led Zeppelin, Steve Perry, Mario Bros, Steve Jobs, Quentin Tarantino, and Zodiac Signs. I would let those things distract me from a social life and school. I also would pick hairs out of my arm for hours til I was bald.
Now as an adult most of what I listed as a child still apply to me today along with lifelong social issues aside from 7th and 8th grade being my most social years but still pretty odd, detached, and rebellious. At ages 13 and 14 I attempted suicide and was hospitalized a couple months each time. I had also been through a few therapists and was put on the highest recommended dosage of Lexapro for 6 years. I flunked a lot of classes grades 7-11. My senior year I attended charter school and graduated with a 4.0. Now I am 20 and have had too much anxiety, not enough motivation or drive, or much support to attend college and have had difficulty getting a job. I had a few temp jobs through family hook ups and eventually became employed by my father who owns a IT company. I moved in with him and felt as if things were going fine but things turned sour because I had an "I don't give a f**k attitude", never socialized, ect so I moved out and quit. After 3 months of bad interviews I finally got a job at a fast food restaurant. Things seemed good again but my manager and fellow employees started saying I seemed sad, upset, as if something was wrong, quiet, asked why I never talked, asked why I never say hi, ect and my hours were getting cut so I left and am currently back at my dads where I see a future their as an Operations Manager. I have been able to bring myself to express my concern about AS to them and they agree I should seek a professional opinion and are calling a center this coming Monday. I guess I just wanted an opinion first. And should I mention all this when I go their? What should I expect? Are there any symptoms I failed to go over?
Update: there are a couple things I forgot to add. I unfortunately do occasionally go into fits if something goes wrong, something gets lost, someone is late, I can't find the right thing to wear, someone asks me to many questions. It's difficult too control.
Thanks for taking the time to read all this if you made it this far. I would appreciate any feedback.
18 Jan 2015, 6:17 am
