Thoughts on my own sexuality

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For a long time, I thought I just chose to be bisexual and kind of learned to be comfortable with it because when I look at guys (clothed), I don't feel attracted to any of them in the same way I am with women. If I see an attractive woman, I'm like, "whoa!" but when I see a man, I don't differentiate between handsome and homely in terms of wanting to "couple" with them.

But...when I'm looking at images of men online, I have the same reaction as I do looking at images of women. I get especially aroused when I see images of transsexual women online who haven't fully transitioned if you know what I mean. It's like the best of both worlds. I mean, I love the meow and the moo but I think I prefer the b'gok. (meow-another name for cat; moo, what do cows give other than meat?; b'gok, the sound a male chicken makes)

I've always found both to be attractive, but in different ways.

Guys are not primarily about the visuals to me, but about if they are kind, intelligent, brave, etc, and I've always been very interested in them romantically, once I actually started feeling these things at all, which was in my mid 20s.

Meanwhile, in a different part of my brain, I also find the female form attractive, but I think a lot of it is admiration, and protectiveness. Nothing romantic.

Have you kissed both? I think that's a great indicator. I feel nothing kissing a girl, but I feel euphoric kissing a guy, or late-transitioning trans-female.

And I think that kind of upsets or offends most trans-women, knowing that part of my attraction to them is their masculinity, because most of them vigorously reject and conceal their masculinity. And I'm mtf transgender myself. I'm just not very good at it, apparently

I've been with mostly women but with two men (kissed three) and I get the same or very similar sensations and feelings kissing men and women. One of my biggest regrets is not having a relationship with a man or a trans woman cuz, y'know, I'm a virgin that way.

Hmm, is it really good either way, or just kind of "meh" either way? Do either really have an emotional impact on you?

My own attractions ended up kind of mangled, due to early isolation from humans.

Lots of pieces of that puzzle are present in my brain, but they're from two or three different jigsaw puzzles, and they clearly don't fit together.

newp. Love kissing girls, love kissing dudes. I especially like the stubble.