Asexuality

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How many of you here are asexual (no interest in sex) however heteroromantic or biromantic?

I am.

I found the act of copulation to be rather tiresome and wholly unromantic.

I identify as heteromantic demisexual. That is, I don't feel sexual attraction until I've built up enough of a romantic relationship with someone, but even then it's not very strong. I'd much rather cuddle, and I'd be perfectly happy never having sex again.

In the OP I meant to write "homoromantic" and not "heteroromantic".

And by the way, I am a homoromantic heterosexual who is near asexual meaning that if I ever have sex, I would only do it with a woman but have no actual desire to really have sex. I also find it very hard to connect emotionally to women and therefore prefer romantic relationships with guys.

Pretty much asexual (no interest in sex). Homoromantic but not very. I think the interest in sex is kind of a prerequisite (to me) to feel romantic.

Asexual biromantic here.

I am Asexual & Aromantic (I desire neither sex nor romantic attachment)

I have a related question - I hope you don't mind my asking it in your thread Aniihya.

Preface to my question:[\b] Even after I heard the term Asexual & researched to understand it fully, it took me a long time to figure out that it applied to me; before learning about Asexuality I had assumed that I was a really introverted Bisexual or Pansexual...because I was equally uninterested in sex/romance with people of all sexes/genders.

Because I do not experience attraction I have a hard time understanding what others experience when they are attracted to someone; intellectually I know the definitionhttp://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Attraction, but i still can't figure out quite what people mean when they say they are attracted to others. I think it must be some combination of conscious and unconscious thoughts with some physical sensations and emotional changes...but I still can't seem to figure it out. It is like I have a huge blind spot labeled "Sexual Attraction"...this is frustrating to me because I have worked hard to become sufficiently educated to be a truly sex-positive friend/ally to people in my life for whom this subject is relevant.

[b]My question: Has anyone else had a similar experience of difficulty understanding what sexual attraction is? If so, do you think that your autism plays a role in that difficulty with understanding? Perhaps due to Alexithemia or Theory Of Mind difficulties?

Thank you kindly to anyone who read all that.

I find that trying to define myself in this contemporary jargon takes more energy than actually just dating, so I doubt I'm asexual but I can see where people are coming from and I think this non-persuasion should be acknowledged and respected a bit more...

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@mild mannered missanthrope

I too have a lack of sexual attraction. Here's how I usually explain it.
If you showed me two strangers, I might guess who most people would pick based on an academic understanding (eg. most people prefer symmetrical faces). I could probably tell you which one would be easier to take in a physical fight. But I am incapable of judging one person as physically more appealing than another. Whatever it is that lets people do that, I don't have it.
I understand that most people can make those judgments and that sexual attraction is a thing. But that's as far as my knowledge goes. For me, it's the same as coffee. I know it exists. I know the vast majority of people enjoy it and even depend on it, but I've never even tasted it.
I have wondered if there may be any relation to my being on the spectrum, but I see no practical way to determine it.
I suppose the only question of yours I can answer is that you're not alone.

Browncoat,

1) Thank you so much for answering. That was actually extremely helpful. When you said "...it's the same as coffee. I know it exists. I know the vast majority of people enjoy it and even depend on it, but I've never even tasted it." I think I started to understand. To extend your analogy - I LOVE chocolate. Within the category of chocolate there are characteristics that I find more appealing than others (I want dark chocolate with moderately high fat content, low sugar content and well handled ingredients for ideal aromatic and texture properties...) those are the attributes I am attracted to in chocolate: I have a 'type'. I am repulsed by the thought of a Hershey's milk chocolate bar, but overcome with longing for a Godiva dark chocolate truffle. This makes sense to me in a way that I can translate to what other people must experience as sexual attraction. I think you have helped me to reduce my blind-spot on this issue significantly...which is a major relief...so major gratitude to you...this has really been bugging me because it seemed unsolvable and my least favorite state of being is ignorance.

2) It means a lot to hear that I am not standing alone here at the cross-roads of asexuality & autism, wondering about how they intersect. I never get lonely, but I appreciate good company...so thanks again.

3) Firefly AND ReadingRainbow references

I am took me a while to realize it what I thought was sexual attraction turned out to be a desire to have someone there no real interest in sex have had it been with 3 girls and 1 guy just thought I was bi didn't figure out it was the relationship itself I liked and wanted not the "physical benefits" sadly not in one now though didn't know asexual was a thing until 2 years ago and I got that euphoric moment of realization like it all makes sense now

My sister, who may be an Aspie herself, is asexual because she hates the male gender.

I used to identify in this way, but things have shifted somewhat due to transition.
I have in the past experimented with both men and women, and got precisely nothing from it. As much as I hate to support any of the sh***y you're-just-mentally-ill, maybe-you-have-a-hormone-imbalance, you-must-have-been-molested invalidations that get thrown at asexuality far too often, I believe that for some people, it can depend on how comfortable you are with your own body. I haven't tested this theory in practical terms as I'm still not comfortable enough with mine, but I have been able to conclude that I can sexually respond to women, and can't sexually respond to men (unfortunately). I still have no desire for real sex with a real woman, though, so I suppose that makes me Grey-A on the asexuality spectrum these days.

I find sex repulsive, but I am still interested in both girls and guys, and I like hugs and cuddling as long as I know the person extremely well.