Trans and genderqueer autistics and sexuality

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C2V
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10 May 2015, 11:23 am

I'm curious after reading a related topic over on the adult autism board, but also after speaking to someone else like me who is genderqueer, trans and autistic, what the preferences of others are.
So - if you're trans, genderqueer or both, how do you classify your sexual orientation, if at all? I have heard a lot of transwomen say they're straight if they are attracted to men, lesbian if attracted to women, and obviously bi if attracted to both. Same goes for transmen - many identify as straight guys if they're interest is in women. The few genderqueer people I've spoken to tend to be pansexual - they're as gender-blind toward other people as they are toward themselves, and it's more about the actual person, not that person's body.
I'm casually interested in women, I suspect because I dislike penetration whether my partner be male or female or a greyscale of both, and it's more feasible to avoid being penetrated with a female partner than a male one. However, I don't see that as making me straight, gay, bi or anything else, because such sexual orientation tags require the person wearing them to claim a gender of their own, and I don't.
Others?


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KA1978
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29 Jun 2015, 1:19 pm

Can I ask why it matters? To quote Popeye..."I am what I am"...and I like what and whom I like. I am not sure what I am or who I like has anything to do with anyone outside of those that I am friends with, or those I may have sex with.



keerawa
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01 Jul 2015, 7:44 pm

I'm a genderqueer aspie. I used to identify as bisexual, but now I consider myself pansexual. If you would prefer to avoid the gender-restrictive label, you could always go with 'I like girls' or 'I mostly find women attractive', something like that.



cinnabot
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03 Jul 2015, 6:22 pm

I really like the terms "androphilic" and "gynephilic", to describe attraction to typically masculine and feminine characteristics, respectively, because they're independent of the person's gender identity. But, unfortunately, these terms are not widely known.



ilivinamushroom
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05 Jul 2015, 11:43 pm

I often feel that being completely androgynous and asexual would be an awesome way to be but we are basically talking monkeys so it's more messy. There are so many labels we can use to identify ourselves but as I push forty I realize that all these are, are labels. These can be helpful among our peers to communicate our exact identity and needs but then we put ourselves in a box. I was married to a man does that make me bi? hetero romantic ( cause I am certainly homosexual) or am I sapiosexual? See we never really know what we want until the actual attraction happens. BTW I am very publicly gender nonconforming and work with kids in a small town so I have given this much thought. Worry about being the best messy monkey you can be and not so much about labeling yourself.



cinnabot
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06 Jul 2015, 10:14 am

ilivinamushroom wrote:
I often feel that being completely androgynous and asexual would be an awesome way to be but we are basically talking monkeys so it's more messy. There are so many labels we can use to identify ourselves but as I push forty I realize that all these are, are labels. These can be helpful among our peers to communicate our exact identity and needs but then we put ourselves in a box. I was married to a man does that make me bi? hetero romantic ( cause I am certainly homosexual) or am I sapiosexual? See we never really know what we want until the actual attraction happens. BTW I am very publicly gender nonconforming and work with kids in a small town so I have given this much thought. Worry about being the best messy monkey you can be and not so much about labeling yourself.


This is fantastic advice. I think we often decide what we like or don't like, based on our pre-conceived notions, or good or bad relationships we've had. I know I have, and I've recently stopped doing this, after meeting many more people.

Really, everyone is so different and unique, it's best to just be open to anything, because people will always surprise you. I am also high-functioning autistic, transgender mtf, gender-nonconforming, and pansexual. It's a person's heart and mind that matter most to me. I look for people who are playful, and have honor. People who are silly and don't care what people think about them being silly. People that deeply believe in honesty and discipline.



Lightninggrrl
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09 Jul 2015, 3:17 pm

C2V wrote:
I'm curious after reading a related topic over on the adult autism board, but also after speaking to someone else like me who is genderqueer, trans and autistic, what the preferences of others are.
So - if you're trans, genderqueer or both, how do you classify your sexual orientation, if at all? I have heard a lot of transwomen say they're straight if they are attracted to men, lesbian if attracted to women, and obviously bi if attracted to both. Same goes for transmen - many identify as straight guys if they're interest is in women. The few genderqueer people I've spoken to tend to be pansexual - they're as gender-blind toward other people as they are toward themselves, and it's more about the actual person, not that person's body.
I'm casually interested in women, I suspect because I dislike penetration whether my partner be male or female or a greyscale of both, and it's more feasible to avoid being penetrated with a female partner than a male one. However, I don't see that as making me straight, gay, bi or anything else, because such sexual orientation tags require the person wearing them to claim a gender of their own, and I don't.
Others?


Gynophile or I just say "I usually prefer women or more femme leaning queer people and effeminate guys"



kaytg
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26 Jul 2015, 2:20 pm

I'm agender and bisexual. :] I've known I'm attracted to multiple genders since I was 13 or 14, but I just figured out my gender in the last year.



Edenthiel
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29 Jul 2015, 1:17 am

cinnabot wrote:
I really like the terms "androphilic" and "gynephilic", to describe attraction to typically masculine and feminine characteristics, respectively, because they're independent of the person's gender identity. But, unfortunately, these terms are not widely known.



^ This ^

Why force yourself to fit in a specific bucket that by definition depends on two binary elements if it doesn't fit? androphilic / gynephilic / polyphilic etc. is more precise; it states who you are attracted toward.


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thewallflower86
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19 Sep 2015, 12:24 pm

Hey all,

I am Genderqueer and Panromantic. I have had a hard time finding other Genderqueer Autistics like me. It's good to know that they do exist and there is a forum for us. You asked who I was attracted to, well seeing as I am Panromantic which means I am romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the other's sex or gender. I have tried dating lesbians but honestly all of them didn't understand or accept that I was Genderqueer so it's been very hard for me to find someone that will accept me for me. Have any of you had any problems with dating? I want to get married and have children someday but it's looking pretty dim at the moment unfortunately.

Riley



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01 Oct 2015, 2:37 am

I consider myself a gay transman. I identify as male, I appear male, and I like men. So naturally; I'm gay. It's a simple label that gets the general idea across.



JayFred
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02 Oct 2015, 9:32 am

That's a really good question, Seagull. I'm personally not fond of labels--as I used to say to a guy who was in love with me but thought of himself as straight (I am male everywhere but between the legs), "the heart goes where the heart goes"--but if I need a label, as you sometimes do when communicating with others, I'm a gay man. My gay/straight label depends on my gender as I feel it and present it to the general world,as well as who I'm [i]usually attracted to.
Naturally life is sometimes more complicated than that. When I was female I sometimes thought I was a lesbian because I have sometimes been attracted to girls. When I realized to my shock that most lesbians didn't want to be men--I didn't know how to define myself. It wasnt' until my 30's I was able to label myself as trans and pursue that.



drchcat85
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02 Jan 2016, 5:33 pm

I'm androgynous. I exhibit traits both feminine and masculine, but I hate fitting in a gender stereotype. I'm heterosexual, I'm attracted to girls, l like company of girls and when I very happy, I tend to elevate feminine traits. Sometimes I imagine myself like a girl.



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02 Jan 2016, 5:55 pm

Edenthiel wrote:
cinnabot wrote:
I really like the terms "androphilic" and "gynephilic", to describe attraction to typically masculine and feminine characteristics, respectively, because they're independent of the person's gender identity. But, unfortunately, these terms are not widely known.



^ This ^

Why force yourself to fit in a specific bucket that by definition depends on two binary elements if it doesn't fit? androphilic / gynephilic / polyphilic etc. is more precise; it states who you are attracted toward.


Update: I think I've moved away from these thanks to a suggestion from someone either here or on another site (I forget which, sorry). androtropic, gynetropic and polytropic have a nicer ring to them and don't have the "philic" suffix that some people lacking a more complete knowledge automatically associate with the term pedophilia. "Tropic" means move toward, as when plants grow or "move" toward light (phototropic/phototropism) or gravity (geotropic/-tropism).

Also, don't think I answered the original question. After having so many other transwomen tell me that of course I'd be attracted to men...it just never happened. Looking back, all my crushes and girlfriends up through my early 20's turned out later to be lesbian or bi- & it was their soft butch-ness that attracted me. And, the 'smell' - which is apparently incredibly important to me for attraction - of men does nothing for me. To my perception, it seems bit acidic/rancid/like dirty laundry. It is purely a matter of olfactory receptors & chemistry, so I'm thankful it is consistent with my other preferences.


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02 Jan 2016, 6:04 pm

cinnabot wrote:
I really like the terms "androphilic" and "gynephilic", to describe attraction to typically masculine and feminine characteristics, respectively, because they're independent of the person's gender identity. But, unfortunately, these terms are not widely known.
I prefer the terms "androtropic" and "gynotropic", respectively; as well as "atropic" (not attracted to anyone) and "ambitropic" (attracted to both males and females). The "-philic" suffix reminds me too much of "syphilis". :wink:

I am a gynotropic cis-male, by the way.


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Edenthiel
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02 Jan 2016, 11:10 pm

Fnord wrote:
cinnabot wrote:
I really like the terms "androphilic" and "gynephilic", to describe attraction to typically masculine and feminine characteristics, respectively, because they're independent of the person's gender identity. But, unfortunately, these terms are not widely known.
I prefer the terms "androtropic" and "gynotropic", respectively; as well as "atropic" (not attracted to anyone) and "ambitropic" (attracted to both males and females). The "-philic" suffix reminds me too much of "syphilis". :wink:

I am a gynotropic cis-male, by the way.


It WAS you who first suggested them to me in the subforum, "WrongPlanet.net discussion", thread, "Suggestion: Gender options" - Thank you, very much! :D


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